As I got off that Greyhound bus and walked out of the bus terminal, I was on my way to to ruin a perfectly good relationship. I had just had that amazing, "I won't be able to see you again for another few months" sex because we went to different colleges, and I was on my way to see another girl I was crazy about. I was an 18 year old guy who was still trying to figure things out. If you asked me to choose between two beautiful girls, my answer would be, "Why choose when you can have both?"
This time was definitely not the proudest I've been in my life, but something about it was exciting. As terrible as it sounds, I enjoyed it. There I said it. It was fun living a double life, juggling relationships, and getting the "best of both worlds". For a while there, I had a girlfriend and I was single when I wanted.
I was in the mindset of wanting to just experience new things and new people and I really was not ready for a committed relationship. It shouldn't have happened this way, but it did. I wasn't mature enough to say that this wasn't going to work out, so I took the easy/irresponsible road and just decided to let it be. Besides, I was having too much fun.
To no one's surprise, it all came to a disastrous end. The lies became too much and the double life started to interfere with each other. The mystery girl told my girlfriend everything that was going on and there was a big fall out. I have remained friends with both of them to this day and I guess, in my mind, I did sort of get away with it. Yeah, so the relationship did end. But it might have ended eventually anyway right?
People forget things over time, and the drama of today won't be remembered tomorrow. Have you ever cheated? Why did you do it? Would you be able to stay friends with an ex afterwards?
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Comments (82)
In all my relationships, I've never cheated...ever.
You don't even sound sorry, if anything you sound proud and I wouldn't be surprised if you did it again. You need to imagine yourself in the other person's shoes, what if someone cheated on you? It would have been better if you learned your lesson, but it seems like you didn't.
I don't cheat....y'know, cause I'm not a scumbag.
I have only had one relationship, I was married to him for 12 years and never cheated. He cheated on me
I have no idea why though.
Have you ever though about an open relationship?
I would never cheat. I actually have maturity, and common sense to realize that I can still fuck around with more than one person while being single. At 18 you should have known that, too. It just makes no sense as to why someone would say they aren't ready for a relationship but they still stay in it anyways? Did she keep a gun to your head?
'If you asked me to choose between two beautiful girls, my answer would be, "Why choose when you can have both?"'
This is such a stupid way of thinking. There's nothing wrong with having both, but you can do so while being single...not that hard.
Look at it this way. You found a woman you can't get enough of. You want to be with her everyday.
Then, a couple years later, you find out she's been fucking random guys on the side, without telling you. She then states she has herpes/aids/etc. You have contracted her virus, and all because she cheated on you, and never let you know that she's had unprotected sex with other people.
Not only is it unhealthy for somebody to cheat on a partner of a long-term status, it's damaging to their emotional state. Chances are, the girlfriend you were with probably hasn't had any other decent relationship since you, just because you ruined her ability to trust men.
Good men are wanting to kill you, dude. Good men come across good women who have been cheated on and just hates you for it because now that woman won't fully ever trust someone again.
Sorry, but any decent human being would be able to empathize on anybody's account in the above situation. I guess you're just not a decent human being, and I'm sure you'll meet your end with a huge dramatic blast-- not a good one.
Decency and responsibility are probably some of the things you never learned growing up. People don't forget, and soon enough, your world will burn. Do all the girls in the world a favor and just amputate your dick now.
@laytexduckie@xanga - thank you! lol...
Funny how everyone mentions cheating as a "maturity" thing.. When it comes down to it, it's not as shallow as people think. There's a whole mystery behind it. So let's stop acting like we're all perfect and oh so grown cause it's human nature. Not saying I agree or support it at ALL, but it happens and it's not because someones "immature" or "an asshole".
I'm very surprised the girl you cheated on is still friends with you. But this is post is too vague to make any assumptions on why.
@l0veBabyx@xanga - It's immature when you're doing it because you think "Why have just one when you can have both?" And it is very selfish.
I cheated on someone I cared very deeply for, because I was very foolish. Four years later, I still think about it and regret it every single day. I'm constantly punishing myself for it.
I think if you go into it with the mindset of "people forget things over time, and the drama of today won't be remembered tomorrow," then of course you can cheat. you could even kill somebody, and it won't matter, because hey, whoever it affected will 'get over it.'
I personally propose two hypotheses on why people cheat. Some people do it as a defense mechanism--they're almost too happy in the relationship that they're in, and they just sabotage themselves because they have deep-rooted self-doubt. They are in such fear of losing the great thing they have that instead of waiting to lose it, they make it happen themselves--a self-fulfilling prophecy, making the person you cheated on hate you and leave you before you can get too attached. It's an aggressive passive-aggressive approach, really.
Other people cheat because, as you said, they like having the best of both worlds. It's selfish. They want to see how much they can get away with. They find something that one person has to offer, and then find something else that another person has to offer, and try to invest in both.
I can't think of any others.. :/
Fucking seriously?
If you want to sleep around
Don't be in a committed relationship.
That. Fucking. Simple.
The thought of cheating makes me sick. Maybe I'm biased because I was cheated on, and it was the worst feeling in the world...but I just think it's wrong
people are promiscuous whether or not they want to admit it. i think most (if not all) go into "committed relationships" only because they want to have unprotected sex...again, whether or not they want to admit it. i've had too many experiences in life suggesting this to believe otherwise.
so no, i don't think you really did anything wrong, other than maybe letting your lady friend be convinced that you weren't going to fuck anyone else. but ultimately, she's going to get hurt by someone. it may as well be you.
i 100% agree with the philosophy "why choose one when i can choose both," though i probably wouldn't have acted like i wanted monogamy in the first place.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I think in terms of sex promiscuity for men is biologically driven, but it's different if you really love someone and respect their wish to be monogamous even if you don't personally want to be.
Anyway, I have cheated once and won't ever do it again. I think it's hard to judge when you go off to college whether a relationship will work out long distance. You think it will work out and give it a try, but then you meet someone else and it complicates things. For me it was more an older guy being super persistent and I had never felt truly valued before (I'm always the one never chased, even had to tell my then-boyfriend how I felt before he "went along with it"). Now things aren't complicated like that and I'm older and know what I want and how it feels to be valued. Although I still don't have guys coming after me, I've learned to be okay with that.
Edit: I'm still friends with my ex on whom I cheated.
what a way to boast. it's okay karma is around the corner :)
I've never cheated. And I've never wanted to inflict that kind of pain on anyone ever!
@vicdaily@xanga - i think it's just as biologically driven for women. that's what i mean when i say people are inherently promiscuous, though it may have not been obvious the way i said it.
here's my strongest piece of evidence for believing so: it seems to be the prevailing notion that girls will become emotionally attached to guys after having sex with them...the theory being that the prehistoric girl wanted to make sure there was a male to raise her kids. but there's also a body of evidence suggesting that girls on birth control are attracted to different kinds of men; specifically, that when not on birth control, they look for someone to fuck (i.e. muscles, etc), but when not, they look for someone to provide (i.e. money, etc). in addition, i think there was a recent report suggesting that relationships started when the girl is on birth control are more likely to last than those in which the girl is not on birth control.
if girls were meant to be monogamous, none of that would be the case, don't you agree? i don't just spit crap on this site without backing :) (not that you accused me of such)
I haven't cheated, but I've been cheated on and it fucking sucks. You sound like you're bragging, which is pretty disgusting. If you didn't want a commitment, why were you in one?
You're young, nothing wrong with that. Whenever you are ready to settle down, you wont need to cheat. Have fun, live life, be smarter, and be safe. If you cheat on someone, dont get pissed when it happens to you. Dont be a hypocrite. If you're going to cheat, do it for selfish reasons, but own up to it if you get caught. Lies only hurt everyone involved. Sometimes it's best to just be up front with your intentions: You just want to have fun. I found if I was honest, I got more action from women when I was up front with my intentions. I didnt want a relationship, but wanted the sexual experiences.
Lying is too tiring.
Why did you cheat? Simply because you're a selfish, immature asshole who wants his cake and wants to eat it too. You never once stopped to think about how someone else felt; it was all about you. This girl is a saint for staying friends with you after all the shit you put her through. God bless her soul.
Everybody does what they want to do. Some people will cheat even if they know it's wrong. And some people don't want to be monogamous when they're in a relationship. It doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong with how the girl's treating the guy and this post proves it. Some men just act like pigs because they can (or women). I hope I find a man where what he wants to do is only be with me and not put his dick in another girl's vagina.
I've never cheated but I have been cheated on. It is possible to be friends with a cheater ex. I just have never done that before.