What would you do if your husband had lost all memory of you, your marriage, and even your children? Joan Andrews went through this very ordeal when her husband, Scott, suffered severe memory loss after falling and suffering a head injury while at work. What she hoped to be a temporary loss of memory ended up being an emotional battle. He never regained his memory and she had to win his love all over again.
Scott had lost 46 years of his memory and was struggling to even understand simple things about the world that we take for granted. He'd ask questions like, "How big is the United States?" Joan spent months explaining everything from their childhood together, to their business, their marriage, their children, and even popular culture. She did this all without ever knowing if he would remember any of it or even love her as he once did. Would this be the same man or did the memory loss completely change him?
In the end, he did fall in love with her again. It is a compelling
story of love, commitment, and dedication. However, at one point early on, Joan's friend had suggested that she had the ability to reinvent herself or even "re-program" Scott.
What would you have done? If your SO had forgotten all the good AND the bad, would you inform them on it all?[via
thedailybeast]
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Comments (34)
it actually happened to me when I was in highschool. my boyfriend at that time got in a car accident and lost his memory about us. I tried to gain his affection back only to have him start liking another girl. So I just let him go...I believe that was the mature thing to do at that point. Unfortunately...10 years later ...he constantly tries to contact me. I had to tell him that I'm longer that little girl....but a grown woman who changed a lot....therefore we wouldn't be compatible...I'm also extremely happy in my relationship so I would not do anything to damage that.
That is a really really tough question. I would suspect that my SO would have to have some sort of personality even if it was changed. What I would do is get to know the new personality and share my own at the same time. Yes it would be time consuming and if I had already invested 46 years of my life with my SO I wouldn't know if I was 'dating' someone new, or just getting to know the same old SO from before.
As for the good or bad, well, share what was good about the relationship you had before, but also slowly, very slowly, let him or her know what was bad. Every relationship has good or bad years. Start building the foundation of the 'new' relationship by talking about the good years. Find out if the 'new' relationship will be strong by informing him or her about the bad years over time(maybe 3 or 4 months, not years here).
This post was very thought provoking. Amnesia.....::shivers::
A very thought provoking post...
Why would one want to re-program the person they loved with every fiber of their being? Someone who, according to this story, they had known all their life. Perhaps I am wrong, but I have always believed (and still do) that love should be given unconditionally. I don't go into a relationship or a marraige with the idea of changing the person I fell in love with. After all, I am with them because of who there are, not what I can make them. I admire the this woman's values and her perserverance to follow through on her vow to love and cherish thru sickness and health. I am sure this was not easy for her and yes, it could have gone the other way. But to do nothing would not have been the answer.
"In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities." ~~Janos Arnay
Good post.
The idea of reprogramming a grown person is titillating.
I reckon this is one of those 'what-if' situations that's best left alone. Similar to what if I found out my mother was secretly a porn star for the past twenty years, what if my parachute didn't work and I have precious few minutes til I'm a grease spot on the ground, what if the mannequins in the stores came alive and took over, etc. I have better things to worry about slash plan for, such as the zombie apocalypse.
But good post, Datingish. Good post, indeed.
I am man, and I have spoken on this issue.
No.
Aren't they making a movie out of this? But I think the girl loses memory and the guy has to win her over, but she's in love with her ex fiance who is trying to steal her. Looked good.
I don't think I would reprogram my husband. There was a reason we got married, stayed together, had children together, and a company together. I liked who he was! I would try to break his old nasty habits that I didn't like tho. :P
@LifeNikka@xanga - I was going to say that. Doesn't it have like Channing Tatum in it or something?
I've only been dating my boyfriend for about two months, so I don't think there would be much hope for us if he lost memory of me. We still have a lot to learn about each other without added amnesia.
I did go through a similar situation two years ago though. I had a boyfriend for about a month-- we had been chatting for maybe three or four months at this point, though. He played hockey and was knocked out during a game. I brought him to the hospital after and treated him "like a mother" (his words). After he got better, he also got nasty. I don't know if there was any correlation between his concussion and his change, or if it was just his true colors. Either way, it sucked.
i would stay by his side and remind him of the love we once shared even if i have to spend the rest of my life reminding him of our love...that's what love is.
Of course. If I love someone, I'd stick with them through thick and thin. No matter what.
@bloggicus_maximus@xanga - Why no?
They are both amazing people and I wish them the best. The power of love is stronger than any doubt.
I'd tell him everything. If he was going to fall in love with me again/ be with me again, I'd want him doing it knowing everything that had happened. I'd hate to think I had manipulated him and took advantage of his memory loss.
I would because I love and care for my fiance. I would take care of him no matter what happens. I would never leave his side.
omg its like that movie that's coming out with rachel mcadams.
lol this story is so like The Notebook.
I believe that once someone lost his/her memories of me and our relationship, then it's time for them to find someone else. Start over again. It'll hurt like a bitch, but I won't waste my life away "convincing" someone they once loved me. It would not feel natural to me to regain love in that way, even if it was lost by accident.
I would do anything to make him remember me again. <3
Honestly I dunno. That be hard. But I would be friends with him. And see how things turn out. I also would know if that happened I would have to run the idea in my head he'd might not ever be mine again. And that's love. So if it happened, I'd tried, the slow way, help him, but not shove things in his face, and if he doesn't love me anymore. Than that's the way it goes.
Well if that ever happened anyways.I would tell him everything exactly how it happened. I'm really honest and I love him like crazy, there's no way I could lie. I wouldn't even want to. Loving someone involves accepting the bad with the good...granted there are dealbreakers in relationships but there's also no such thing as a loving relationship based on two people who just found someone else who magically never pisses them off or has any bad qualities. Hahaha.
If you read the actual article, you will see that she never wanted to "reprogram" him; that was just a suggestion her friends made. K thanks.
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Amazing story! I might accidentally slip in that while he hates chocolate, he loves to buy me chocolate. haha Just kidding!
I couldn't make it through their story without tearing up. If something like this happened to my SO, I'd do exactly what Joan did. There's no way I could leave him just because he doesn't remember anything about me or us. I can't imagine life without him in it, and that wouldn't change just because of some horrible accident that made him forget everything.
that is so tough. I would definitely stick by his side.
I'd do that in a heartbeat for my boyfriend right now, of course I would do it if we were married and had children!