Financial stability is something I think we all strive for. There's nothing better than making enough money to cover your expenses and have some left over to save or play or do what you want with. It's hard enough getting financial stability for ourselves but what if your significant other wasn't financially stable?
I've been in a relationship where my ex boyfriend didn't have a job for a big chunk of our relationship. At first, I was willing to deal with it because I loved him. It was working for a while but then it got to the point where I was working eight or nine hour days and I would be getting home and my ex boyfriend would just be waking up. I know that isn't or doesn't have to be the case with someone who isn't financially stable. However, it put a strain on things just because I felt like I was handling everything and on top of it when things like Christmas an birthday came around, it doesn't feel good to not receive anything from the person you love and that loves you. Eventually, I began to resent him and our relationship suffered.
I know that this makes me sound materialistic but trust me, I'm not. If that were the case, I wouldn't have stayed with him as long as I did when he didn't have a job. I feel like if my significant other is financially unstable there's no future. If there's no future, we're both wasting our time and who wants to do that? I just feel like the man in the relationship should man up and act like a man. I don't think there's anything wrong in expecting and wanting dinners and gifts on holidays and birthdays and such. I'm a traditional type of gal and I believe a woman should be courted and respected and treated like a lady. That's easier said than done these days. They weren't lying when they said "chivalry is dead".
What are your thoughts? Would you put up with a significant other being financially unstable? Is that a deal-breaker for you?
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Comments (19)
I hear you.
The first year and a half of my relationship with my boyfriend (now of 4 years) he lost his job and was unemployed. He'd play games late into the night, and get angry if I called him on my lunch break because he was sleeping. He wouldn't be fully up until I got home, and then he wanted to do what he wanted. He'd tell me not to buy things for him, but I didn't want him to go without.
I started to resent him, very much, for not even trying. However he did get a temp job, and after that, I got him a job at the place where I worked (where ironically he is still there today, and I was let go a few weeks ago). Both of us having money was the most wonderful thing. We didn't have to rely on each other, we'd wake and sleep at decent times, and we could use our money to enjoy life.
I think financial stability is great, however if something DOES happen, part of being in that relationship is being there and supporting your S.O. in any way necessary.
I think what it comes down to is the person severely trying to find another job? If not, then bye. Of course I would give the person a time period and if he is dealing with something serious like depression or something I would give him more time. Does your S/O respect you? Cause if he does he wouldn't continue to put the sole responsible of bread winner on you.
I think being relatively financially stable is pretty important in a relationship. I've had friends lose jobs, their house, etc while one of the partners lost their job and put lots of strains on their relationship. Unfortunately they were unable to make things work and both went their own ways. However, I do believe in being there for each other through thick and thin because life isn't just about money but having sufficient income certainly can make life easier and more enjoyable. While I find financial stability to be significantly important in a relationship, I would not consider it the top priority.
This may sound ridiculous to some, but I plan on marrying someone who I could see myself running a business with. Sure, lots of other things are important, but if the person doesn't recognize and engage in sound, rational business-like behavior when they are dealing with money, then the relationship will undoubtedly be strained (excessively) in the future.
With me it isn't about being financially unstable for the relationship to work, I have been without work and so have the guys I've dated at one time or another because of the economy. It's really about what the guys do when they are at home while I'm working. Even though they are not bringing in the money, they can still "work" at home. Do things like clean, cook, help out whenever they can and just do things like give me a massage when I'm tired from working overtime to pay the bills. They should still be doing something productive at home for themselves and me too. They should use the time to apply for jobs, work out or go jogging, organize their life, improve their skills so they will be prepared for the next job.
When I was out of work and was in a relationship, I did all these things for my SO. He never had to worry about cleaning, cooking or whatever and I still got up everyday and tried to keep a daily routine of doing something productive and still took care of myself. I also set aside three hours a day applying for jobs. When I finally started working we started sharing household work, but when I wasn't I made it my responsibility.
Too many people get lazy when they are not working. They stop taking care of themselves, lay around playing games, watching tv, eating, staying up all night for no reason and worse, they stop looking for a job because they've gotten comfortable. They don't try to do anything to improve their life and use their free time wisely and this is what causes people to break up because they are not contributing to the relationship in some way. And of course that makes the person who's out there working feel like they are being taken advantage of.
it's somewhat a deal breaker bc i don't want my SO to be completely irresponsible with "our" money when i've worked so hard for it too.
^ Agree with the above.
Thankfully I've never experienced a "Chivalry is dead" kinda thing. The two men I have seriously dated in my 24 years of life have been nothing but amazing gentlemen.
Courting is fine at the start of a relationship but by the time you are living together (ie you coming home and him just waking up) should be a point past the courting stage. This point is where push comes to shove and relationships find solid ground.
Both parties need to pull there weight, when I was unemployed for 6 months I kept the house spotless, kept myself in shape, made Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner and whatever else I could to help him out because he was working so hard to pay our bills. When I thankfully found work again full time we went back to the usual 40/60 house work, which is my preference.
When my partner was employed the roles switched. I worked my tail off to support us and he did everything around the house while looking for work.
@babybug329@xanga - I concur with that.
Im financially unstable...I guess I'll just add that to the list of why Im undateable.....the economy sucks! No one would hire me so I will be taking a job with low pay just to have a job...
Both my significant other and I am financially insecure and will probably be for the rest of our lives due to our various illnesses. So we are in the same boat together and as a result "the struggle" has enriched our relationship. And both of us share the philosophy of "less is more" . And our religious faiths help us quite a bit. Botho f us are lucky that we found each other and we have been together for about ten years. And we live apart which helps. but spend an awful lot of time toether. And do lots of things together. We have halfed each other's burdens.
Your boyfriend sounds a bit lazy to me.
it's a pretty big deal in a long-term relationship to me. i would understand if they're a younger couple, but there comes a time when the future together needs to be determined, and stability in all respects is required.
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Honestly, I've always dated someone who had a job. While I wouldn't mind helping, there's no way that one person could survive on my salary, much less two people. My SO would really have to pick up the slack and find something, even if it was a part time job, and help pay for one or two bills. He doesn't have to love or even enjoy it. But it would be something.
I would be okay with being financially unstable if it wasn't because my boyfriend was being lazy. In this economy, many people have lost their jobs and it is difficult to find a new one. I would be angry, though, if my boyfriend didn't actively look for a job or at least help out more around the house since he was home more. I haven't really experienced this, though, because we are both still in college. I'm hoping I will always have a job because I am going into accounting, and he is going into geophysics and computer engineering. Hopefully everything works out!
I'm tired of the 'traditional' outlook on what a 'mans role' is. Women in history have come so far to give us what little rights we have today, that includes going to school and work. I'm not saying that the woman should be expected to be the only one providing for the family or relationship, but financial stability should come from both partners. Neither one should provide more than half of whatever expenses there are.
Weather you live together married or not or one is rich or not (which also means one making more money than the other). Both partners should be expected to carry their own as if they were single.Sure it's nice to receive presents on holidays, special occasions, or just because. The way I see it: An eye for an eye.Although, shit happens and the unemployment rate shot up. In which case between jobs, he should at least be keeping the house clean and meals ready while out job hunting and vise versa. Do something to earn your keep, thats just good manners.
Ya it would be a deal breaker if he's not looking for a job aggressively enough and not earning his keep by doing what he can. After all, I'm a hard worker too.