Thursday, 15 December 2011

• How to Deal with Rejection

  
  Rejection is probably one of the worst things that a human being has/needs to deal with at one point or another in his or her life.  How we feel and react varies, but the feelings of emptiness and sadness probably accompany each one of us upon rejection.  So, how do you deal with it?  How do you patch up the hole that someone managed to dig in your heart? 
  

  I have encountered many rejections in my life that I could not even count.  Each rejection made me feel absolutely awful and I was disabled from believing that things could get better, but now I can say that they did get better.  Truth is that by the time you enter the phase of your adulthood, you have a big chance of being an expert in coping with rejection (and/or the lack of acceptance on behalf of someone you admired or loved).  I always feel heartbroken when I see people dealing with rejection.  Sometimes I even fear for their lives, because they start to become suicidal.  So then I ask them (just like I asked myself in the past) a very important question: “IS THIS PERSON WORTH IT?” You see, I always answered: “NO”. 
  
  But I need to add one thing, although rejection “is what it is”, it matters how it happened:
  
  Did the person stop talking to you just like that? Did they never tell you why they did it?
  or
  Did the person give you a legitimate reason? Did they feel at least a little bit sorry, showing that they do give a damn about you? 
  
  The first instance makes you feel like absolute crap.  Perhaps you start to blame yourself, you keep on guessing and wondering why the hell this guy or girl stopped talking to you or left your life with something along the lines of “this is not going to work, I do not think I want to see you anymore” and no further explanations.  So now I ask: Do you really want to be with a person who was not fair to you and did not have enough respect towards you to tell you why they rejected or why they did not accept you? 
  
  The second instance also makes you feel like crap… BUT, you know what went wrong and trust me, it does make a difference.  Knowing the truth about something is really important.  You are able to make a small peace within yourself and be able to move on—sooner or later.  It does hurt to know that someone did not want you in their life as much as you wanted them in it, but it does not mean that you will not find someone better, this special person who will be able to appreciate you just the way you are.  Also, try to think of when you had to reject another person.  Trying someone else’s shoes can be enlightening sometimes. 
  
  So, did I personally ever find out why I was rejected?  Well, I have always been too much (e.g. too educated) or never have been enough (e.g. not sexy).  It always lead to a situation where I was trying to fix myself for this one person who could not accept me.  Truth is, even when I fixed myself, there always was another excuse, another lame reason why I should have taken a step for the next transition.
  
  Change should come from you.  If you want to change, change for yourself, not for someone else.  Because, before you know it, you may lose the sense of yourself and become someone who was created in the other person’s mind. 
  
  Whenever I ended up drowned in tears, I told myself: “I will not let this person destroy me, I know who I am, I know my own value and I cannot lose it to anyone.” And I tried to believe that one of those days I would find a man who would see ME, who would not reject me and whom I would not want to reject.  Just keep on trying, stop being afraid, give yourself another chance… 

  “(…) Because, the truth is: there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.” [William Parrish, Meet Joe Black] 

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