Double dating with other couples like your own can be a fun new change. Sometimes you just want to do "couple stuff" that your single friends don't want to do. After one too many, "No thanks, I don't want to be the third wheel" replies to your invitation to hang out, the idea of spending time with other couples doesn't sound so bad. But what if it results in the unthinkable?
Recently, two couples that I had known for years began spending a lot of time together. They did dinners, movies, and trips as couples, and the two girlfriends would often spend time together as did the two boyfriends. They weren't just "couple friends"; they were actually becoming a group of friends like any other. However, within a three month period, both couples broke up and the girlfriend from one couple and the boyfriend from the other couple began secretly seeing each other.
Normally, when a couple breaks up it is clear whose side your on. It may be your guy friend that began seeing some random girl, or your girl friend who began seeing some random guy—and by random, I mean that this person is clearly the outsider of the group. This situation was bizarre for two reasons. One, because both of these relationships were at least four year long relationships, and two, our group of friends knew these couples as individuals long before they even began dating.
There were no clear sides to choose from and it was obvious that this was a touchy subject. It started to get really ugly when we would hang out with one of them individually and then someone else reacted as if we were siding with them in their relationship drama. When in fact, we were just hanging out as friends as we usually did.
It got to the point where we had to tell them, "Listen, we are your friends. We are not choosing sides in this one and we don't care what happened." We honestly didn't care whatever it was that went on between them and their relationships. We treated them no differently, but their perceptions of us did change. Whether it was paranoia, the fear of being judged, or pitied, or memories that they didn't want to remember, they all began to drift away from us.
It was understandable. There were several instances when one of them would call me to hang out, and then I'd have to inform them that someone they weren't on good terms with was also around. Sometimes they were on the receiving end of this and sometimes they were the name I'd have to say under my breath. I could see why trying to stay friends with us would be stressful. And it was unfair for them as much as it was for us.
Have you ever had to deal with a break-up that involved your friends? Did you feel like you were stuck between a rock and a hard place? How would you handle a similar situation?
Recommend
Comments (12)
Oooo touchy. The two ex's that were left out should just hook up together, see how the couple likes that.
People who "take sides"...
:vomit:
people will always choose sides when there's a breakup...i hate it, i lost a few friends bc of a break up but when i think of it, they weren't really a good friend to me if they chose him over me.
Yes, a little less than a year ago actually. I broke up with my ex and started dating one of his somewhat friends. I say somewhat because they weren't close by any means, they were friends through a friend mostly. Of course everyone got involved and sided with my ex on his story because it was a better sob story probably. None of them even really bothered to hear what actually happened from me, except one or two. The rest made a judgement before even hearing both sides of the story, isolated me, talked shit about me, spread rumors about me, etc... Honestly, I just think all of those people are dramatic, fake, nosy, and I say good riddance that they're not my "friends" anymore. I dropped almost all of them after the whole affair and I'm glad I did. Who wants people like that in their life?
well that's awkward.
@superGchik@xanga - No one should choose anyone over anyone else, although they sometimes do. People should care about all parties involved. It's so awful to have relationships damaged because of the weird formalities that sometimes come up. People don't always take sides, if they're reasonable people they'll just acknowledge where both parties went wrong and just ignore it because it's not between those people, it's between the people who were in the relationship.
I'm dating a guy (for 4 years) that we met through our large group of mutual friends. Our friends were vehemently opposed to us getting together (so much that they were downright nasty to me/us) for this reason.
I think as friends, it's none of your business and you should just treat each person as an individual, as you did. If you become preoccupied witho "whose side are my friends on anyway?!" maybe it's your own guilt leaking through for something bad that you did, and you just need to own up to it and apologize to the right people.
One of my friends recently broke up with her boyfriend (who's a complete jerk). When I hang out with her at school, she tells me that she doesn't care for him anymore and that she'll move on. But sometimes she starts to walk down memory lane and talks about how happy they used to be and stuff like that. I always tell her that everything happens for a reason, and I strongly believe that. It gets weirder... A colleague of mine told me that she had seen my friend bring guys into her house late at night, I don't judge so I could care less, but then she tells me that she saw a certain guy go into her house very late at night and leave in the morning. That certain guy happens to be the crush of one of my other friends, now it's just all so awkard...
Nike Dunk SB Shoes
Nike air Jordan shoes
nike air max shoes
Nike Air Shox shoes
Nike basketball shoes
Nike air Yeezy shoes
Nike Ken Griffey JR Shoes
Nike soccer shoes
RADII Footwear
Burberry Shoes
Gucci sneakers
Polo Shoes
Supra shoes
nike air force one shoes
Adidas Shoes
Cole haan Fashion
Prada shoes
MBT shoes
D&G Shoes
Louis Vuitton shoes
Tods shoes
High heel shoes
Karen Millen
Timberland boots
CL Men Shoes
Shmack Shoes
Puma Shoes
Vlado Shoes
ATO Matsumoto shoes
Vibram FiveFingers
Men jeans clothing
Women jeans clothing
Ed Hardy Hoodies
Men T-shirt Clothing
Women T-shirt Clothing
Men long sleeve t-shirt
Women long sleeve t-shirt
AAA Brand Handbags
bags & handbags & luggage
Eh
Your situation takes the cake. My friends are my friends unless they mess up. If I want to hang out with a group of my friends, I do. I make sure no one feels awkward if I'm the one that orchestrated the meeting. If there are people who don't get along in my group and can't maturely deal with it, the main antagonist will get the pleasure of being told to get lost. Everyone makes mistakes and deals with hardships, people who take sides limit themselves and stay stuck in high school.
awkward.
Well in my case, 2 of my friends were particularly unhappy that I was back with my boyfriend. The rest of the group was disappointed, but weren't welling to ostracize me. One of the two seemed like she just had a strong opinion, but wouldn't oust me. And the other---well she went ahead and pulled the trigger and said we can't be friends. Went all the way from deleting me on facebook and deliberately telling people not to invite me and etc. Those 2 girls are the most outspoken, along with me...we were the ones with initiative. 2 vs 1, turns the entire group against me.
So much for friendship. Opinions are disposable, people aren't. Friends should be there no matter what. They don't have to agree with a decision, but they should support the person. okay /endrant