Monday, 12 December 2011
-
It's Not You, It's Me. Seriously.
I am fairly certain that I am one of a dying breed, a relationship dinosaur if you will. That’s because I still have not ever gone out with someone from online. This puts me in a category with the likes of old people, dead people, obnoxious stuck up people who have stigmatized online dating for no reason, and people with severe diagnosable social disorders.I do have an OkCupid profile, but I respond to only about one of every twenty messages I get, and I’ve never initiated sending a message to anyone. That sounds stuck up, but trust me, if I posted some of the messages I’ve received, you’d understand. (Once I got a message that said, “Hello earthling, would you say you’re a creature of recreation or procreation?”) But even the few guys that do seem semi-interesting, I never end up meeting in person.
The truth is, it’s me. Between couch surfing and moving seven times in the past year in Manhattan, my job, going out with friends and family, and any hobbies I myself might want to do, I feel I hardly have time to breathe. Seeing as I can barely manage to fix myself a meal that’s not Reese’s Puffs, at this point I think it’s safe to say that I wouldn’t make a good girlfriend right now.
The reason I signed up for an online profile in the first place was because I felt too busy to go out and find someone in person. But even getting coffee with a guy from online feels like too much of a hassle for me. A guy friend criticized me for this, because there was one guy who seemed funny, attractive, and compatible with me, that I eventually turned down for a date. He said, “So this guy seemed perfect in every way, you had great back and forth messaging, and he asked you to coffee, you’d say no?”
“Yeah,” I answered.
“Well what the hell chance does anyone have with anyone if that’s true for people on that site? That guy probably feels bad that you’re rejecting him even though nothing’s wrong with him.”
He had a good point. But as I said, it has nothing to do with these men. It’s me. I haven’t deleted my OkCupid because I do want to find someone, and I would find time for the right guy in my life if he came along. For some reason though I just feel way too lethargic to go for it, and so I am going about it the only logical way: hoping the perfect man just falls into my lap with no effort on my part whatsoever.
Should you force yourself to date even if you’re too busy for it? Should you ever close yourself completely off from dates, romance, and relationships?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: RachelG
- Name: Rachel
- Location: New York City, New York, United States
- About Me: A recent 23 year old NYC transplant. In college I studied Creative Writing, Gender Studies, and Art History, which clearly translates into a trifecta of professional desirability. I can often be found reading, writing, playing very sloppy guitar, eating peanut butter, and swapping love life stories with my friends due to our plethora of failed relationships. I was voted Funniest Girl in high school, and am perpetually attempting to drop that in casual conversations without having it appear that I am still desperately clinging to it (which, let's face it, I am).
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 27 Views: 0 100688 Comments: 0 1100 View all posts by RachelG
Comments (40)
major lol at the earthling message. i wish i was smart enough to think of those kinds of messages. i always say something about their profile.
by the way, this isn't intended to be rude at all--but i hope you're more proactive about other things in your life, instead of just letting them "fall in your lap". cause if not, that would kind of explain why you're writing for datingish instead of something real.
I seriously could have written this post. I feel exactly the same way. And here is the kicker: if you get on eharmony.com or some other site, then you will probably begin receiving upwards of 60 messages per week from eligible single men. Who in their right mind has the time to manage that? I jokingly told my friend that I was going to hire an online dating account manager. Haha.
So, yeah, It's a lot of work but at the end of the day, I still want a serious, healthy, happy relationship. It would be nice if I could bump into mr. perfect-for-me while in line at Starbucks or something but I don't think I'm that lucky. So, aside from acquiring some new hobbies that will allow me to meet people with similiar interests, I'm going to keep the damn account.
Good luck to you!
I don't know what to tell you chicky. I've never gone serious boy hunting before, the guys just kind of happen. I've never done internet stuff before either. I say be happy single, be independent and confident. Then eventually the boy will happen.
You're still young. I would suggest still feeling out your options in the real world. :) It's a lot easier to sense potential for great chemistry in person than online. I dabbled a bit in online dating profiles just for the lols, but I just don't think it's rewarding if you have a lot better options in the people around you.
Unless you're getting really desperate and getting past the age when you'd like to be married, I'd say that online dating is really like shooting in the dark. =/
Yeah, it is you. So what was the point to this post again?
If I'm too busy for dates, no, I'm not going to force myself to go out on dates. That seem silly, don't you think? However, if I'm busy and if I want to date, yes, I will make time for it; not force myself. Anyhow, to find the right person, it takes effort on both parties. If things were was easy as "falling into our laps," I don't think anyone would try.
@LightBlue21@xanga - Seems like you've got a lot of preconceived notions there.
@jeezshoua@xanga - Yeah, what she said. :) I second that.
@npr32486@xanga - Yup. and you have a cartoon man as a profile picture.
@LightBlue21@xanga - Avatar.
Wait, "this guy seemed perfect in every way, you had great back and forth messaging, and he asked you to coffee, you’d say no?" and yet you say "I would find time for the right guy in my life if he came along."
If there was nothing wrong with that guy, and he seemed "perfect in every way" what makes you think he wasn't the right guy? Plus, how much more fall in your lap can you get than that? I mean, a great guy finds you online and asks you out, all of which took no effort on your part...
I'm not trying to be mean or anything, I just don't understand what you're looking for if it isn't a "perfect" guy falling into your lap.
i would never force myself to date if i was too busy, if i'm too busy then i'm just too busy to date. never put yourself in an uncomfortable situation either. if your heart's not into it, do put it through it, you're only hurting yourself.
So why don't you put your account in "inactive" status or cancel it until you are ready, interested and able to be in a relationship? Why are you wasting these guys time?
I mean what kind of person sets up an online dating account and then blogs about not wanting to date?
Your right, it IS you.
Being too busy, I think it's just an excuse from you. If you really want to find this guy, you would let yourself go after it. It seems like right now, it's like a whatever thing for you. If it comes, it comes and if it doesn't, it doesn't matter. But, when it does come, you do have to make an effort to make anything work. Nothing is for free. Everything has it's own price. Maybe in your past, you have encounter some bad experiences or something, because not everyone thinks and do things like you. The fact that you could care less if he stays or not means it doesn't even matter to you in finding someone. Correct me if I'm wrong.
You're not alone, online dating is just plain creepy. And I could give you dozens of reasons that are not obnoxious or stuck up as to what's wrong with online dating.
@SamsamSoeey - okay, shoot. i'm listening.
That's exactly the kind of women on those dating sites...
it's a numbers game - half of them are flaky, the other bits are a bit waffly.
And a guy is going up against a million competitors. ooh a challenge !!! :)
I had to wade through a lot of crap like this to get to the few gems I have met online.
You should delete your OKCupid profile if you have no intention of going on a date with anyone. I've wasted my time on girls like you before where you spend weeks (or months) talking and everything seems awesome and then you refuse to actually go on a date. Maybe that guy is sad, but more likely he's just annoyed that you wasted his time when he could have been talking to another girl who wasn't on the site just to screw with people's heads.
You don't need to feel like you should or shouldn't be in a relationship. You need to just be able to accept where you are in life. I mean for me. It wasn't until I said that I would accept anything that God could throw my way, whether it be singleness or a relationship, that the perfect man for me walked into my life.
It's like meeting at a McDonald's buffet everyone's embarrassed to be at.
Why do have a profile if you have no intention of actually meeting any of these guys?
Okay, that is so damn misleading. You need to make that very clear on your profile. I have gone through dating TWO guys now from that site who said they were looking for something, but after 2 months when I asked if they saw us in a relationship, they told me they didn't have time, and stopped seeing me. Assuming they weren't full of shit, it sucked. Why would you be on OKcupid and say you are ready
for a relationship and then say you aren't?
By being on there, and talking to these guys then when they FINALLY have the courage to ask you out, it is kinda lame to reject them. To not admit what you just said here from the start, if not in your profile, but at least when they start talking to you, is messed up. You just wasted someone's time and energy big time.
At least know what you fucking want if you are going to be on that site and talking to guys.
I was always honest with guys on there about my intentions. When I first started out, I told them I just wanted to date around and I can make no promises.
Okay I always believe in chance. So in my opinion, you never know what guy is right for you, if you dont allow yourself to get hurt, but you're also giving a part of you out that just might find the happiness. You don't need online dating to find someone, it is an option, but to me love will find you when it's ready, don't go looking for it. When it comes up dont ignore it. "holding people away from you, and denying yourself love, that doesnt make you strong. If anything it makes you weak because you're doing it out of fear" I dont know how but dont be afraid to take the chance, but always becareful because there are creeps out there that just want um.. "sex". You dont have to be in a relationship right now, sometimes you just need a friend who will always be there. Love comes and go, but true love never leaves no matter how far you are apart. anyways that's all i'm going to say. good luck
vinny
"life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. so love the people who treat you right forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. if you get a chance, take it. if it changes your life, let it. nobody said that it's be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."