In one of my earlier relationships there had come a point when my girlfriend had access to all of my online accounts. At the time, this was Xanga, AIM, Hotmail, Yahoo, and anything else I had used that one password for (yes, it's silly, but we all do it). Unsurprisingly, this resulted in her finding ancient relics of former girlfriend e-mails and occasionally finding "girls she didn't like" on my buddy list.
It's all pretty laughable now, but at the time, it led to some serious arguments. After she knew my password and I decided that I wanted to change it, it became a matter of, "Why? Do you have something to hide?" This led to more arguments and it became a constant issue.
In relationships, we share almost everything about ourselves with our significant others.
Is there a line that we should draw when it comes to our personal passwords to online content? Does your significant other know your passwords? If not, would you be uncomfortable with him/her knowing them?
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Comments (66)
In my last relationship we shared our passwords for banking and bill paying purposes. None of the others were disclosed and we had no problems with doing so. Since we are no longer together, but still friends, we have both changed passwords on what we shared. I think it really depends on the trust factor of the person you are with. It is truly a personal decision.
A few people have my passwords & help me out now and then when I need to get something done online but can't pop in to do it. I have nothing to hide from a lover though and it seems like it would make life easier to share my online and offline life with the one I love. I'm not one to keep secrets from loved ones, it's too much effort
i've never asked for a password or even gone into my boyfriends accounts if he left them up on my computer. if i were to start looking, i'm sure i'd probably find something that would make me insane, that would turn out to be in fact trivial. but here's how i see it: i feel that if you are at a point in your relationship where you feel that your SO hides so much from you that you NEED to look into their private stuff, you're already too deep into a bad relationship. if you just got with this person and you're that insecure that you need to investigate every inch of this new person's life, you are probably not ready to be in a relationship. if you do it "just for fun" or "just out of curiousity" -- you're full of shit.
There is no need to share personal passwords, and if you trust your significant other, you shouldn't see a reason to have them.
The only need I'd see to share passwords is if spouses have a joint bank account, or something similar.
We do know each others passwords. I have found that it makes it easier for one person to help the other with stuff, like he will call and ask me to look at an email or something and I can just do it. Or he'll help me with documents and that sort of thing. He doesn't have my Xanga password which works for me but otherwise I have never felt a need to keep my accounts private and neither has he.
As far as the accessing the past part of this post: we, as people in general not in particular my relationship, really need to get over our partners past relationships since they cannot change them and we will probably be hurt by it.
Uhh... what @Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga said. :D
I feel it depends on the situation.
In my personal opinion if someone cheats, they have given up there right to privacy with their partner. If they want to rebuild trust they need to be willing to be an open book and not give any tiff about it.
Now, if no reason has been given, and someone wants to keep there personal passwords private, OK, that is there choice.
And I won't lie, if I were to ask for a password and be declined, I would totally feel like there is something that person was keeping from me
As for me, I don't care, if he wants me passwords he can have them, if he wants to check my texts he can, I have NOTHING to hide.
my boyfriend and I know each other's passwords. however, I don't go out of my way to invade his privacy. haha
Why should I share anyone my password? It would be an invasion of my privacy. Every person needs his or her personal space.
Well exactlah
@HopeWithinReach@xanga - If someone cheats, they do not forfeit their right to privacy. If you forfeit your right to privacy, you essentially forfeit the relationship. Trust is essential in a relationship, and if there's no trust, then the relationship becomes a waste of time.
Which is why cheating usually kills couples.
When I was young, passwords what got you into the "speak easy." Now, they can get you anywhere. Just don't give them out at all unless it's necessary. (not actually that old)
Thing is, my friends message me private things about THEIR lives on Facebook, and they wouldn't want MY partner to know their personal problems. I'm all for transparency in relationships, but when that starts to invade the trust between my friends and I, then there's obviously a problem.
@darkjoe89@xanga -
I disagree fully. But again I did say it was my personal opinion.
As it has worked very very well for my S.O and I.
For us and more specifically for me, he needed to give up his right to allow me to learn to trust him again. There is nothing worse then wondering who he is texting across the room from me and allowing those paranoid thoughts to fester. Allowing access into the once forbidden side of his life (which ultimately he was hiding because he was cheating) allowed me the time needed to realize that he was making the genuine effort to rebuild not only my trust but our entire relationship. Over time, I was able to stop being paranoid, stop peeking at his texts over his shoulder etc.
I gave my SO the passwords to my Netflix and Hulu accounts, so he could use it. If something goes awry, I can always change it...
I don't see the point in sharing passwords to social networking sites.
I don't share my passwords to anything.
Just because I'm with someone doesn't mean I need to share literally everything with them.
My husband and I both have all our stuff saved on our computers but I don't have any friends he doesn't know about and vice versa. The only time someone has a problem with it when you're as serious as we are is when they have something to hide. Boyfriend/girlfriend relationships shouldn't even count, they aren't serious.
My fiance and I have each others passwords. After 5 years, I've gone on his stuff maybe 3 times. And saw absolutely nothing. lol
I kind of view your right to privacy the same way US laws do. I think a person should have rights to privacy as long as they haven't done anything that warrants an investigation.
But as soon as you do something like start freaking the hell out every time I come to your side when you're chatting up your ex via instant message and refusing to answer any questions about her, I have a right to start interrogating you about it, and if you get all defensive and suspicious and all, your privacy is at stake.....
Very good question. I never have really been in a situation where it was an issue. I would share my passwords though. I have nothing to hide
@LightBlue21@xanga - I agree 100%. My ex gave me his password in good faith & I never looked at his profile until one day a few months ago. when he couldnt get online & asked me to put a quote in his status & a message popped up. He was talking inappropriately with his ex & she said shit about me & when I asked him about it, he told me he didnt see how bad it was & apologized but then told his friend "I dont see what the big deal about it was". Apparently talking about sex with his ex & about what I didnt do with him wasnt a big deal. It's sad if someone is such a bad charactor, their owen best friend warns you on the DL. The Ex was dumped, blocked & forgotten within a week. I'm not sad about the breakup but it's sad a nearly decade long friendship was lost over this & other revelations I learned. You live & you learn. :)
For every relationship, I give trust & respect. How you keep it or lose it is up to you. When you give me cause to not trust you, it's hard to build it back.
I would never ask for my boyfriend's passwords... for my own sanity.
I wouldn't give my password to my boyfriend either... I know that on my facebook I have old messages from my ex... just never got around to deleting them.. It looks questionable (as to why I never deleted it), but honestly, I think they are funny, and hey, they are from 2009, obviously not in this time frame. There's no reason for my boyfriend to have my aim password, because I have around 5 contacts on there.
I can't see my boyfriend ever asking me to give him my passwords anyways. I think that it's a bit insecure to ask your significant other for their passwords. If you don't trust them, don't be in a relationship with them.
Such an idea sounds completely bizarre to me. I'm sorry but you have to go into a relationship with understanding the other person is going to have SOME secrets or things that they truly don't need to share with you. The things that they are keeping from you are not always bad and it's silly to assume that. I've never given nor asked to receive passwords. I don't allow anyone to touch my cellphone or laptop without permission. Perhaps I like my privacy more then some people but it's a sacred thing to me.
For me, I feel that there are passwords for a reason: privacy. I have nothing to hide in my accounts but I wouldn't ask my SO for their personal passwords thus I expect them to respect my own privacy too. And as you said, that access just opens a door for suspicion and drama.
Today I asked my boyfriend why he doesn't have a password for his phone. He said," I have nothing to hide so I don't need one. Why do you have a password? Hiding something? haha" I said nope and that he could look into my phone any time. =)Trust!! Gotta have it.