As much as I am skeptical about the authenticity of this E-mail, I thought it deserved a mention on Datingish. The backstory as provided by
redditor, "badarabdad", is that the recipient of this e-mail had a "friend who couldn’t make it to the philharmonic at the last minute so she went alone, met this guy, went on ONE, HORRIFIC date. Then got this." The following is the e-mail claimed to have been sent by Mike.
It's unfortunate that the author of this letter and I share the same name. Please do not be confused. I am in no way associated with this disaster of an e-mail. I tried to highlight some great lines, but gave up as I had to restrain myself from making the entire page bold. The whole thing is just great. Enjoy!
------ Message From: Date: Sun, 4 Dec 2011 14:19:39 -0500 To: Subject: Hi Lauren
Hi Lauren,
I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed that I haven’t gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.
FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can't see someone's body language or tone of voice in an email. I'm not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I'm honest and direct by nature, and I'm going to be that way in this email.
By the way, I did a google search, so that’s how I came across your email.I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.)
I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you.
Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following:-You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it.
When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I've never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn't look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness.
-We had lots of eye contact during our date.
On a per-minute basis, I've never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you.
-You said, "It was nice to meet you." at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn't interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said--that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive.
-We had a nice conversation over dinner. I don't think I'm being delusional in saying this statement.
In my opinion, leading someone on (i.e., giving mixed signals) is impolite and immature. It’s bad to do that.
Normally, I would not be asking for information if a woman and I don't go out again after a first date. However, in our case, I'm curious because I think our date went well and that there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship. Of course, it's difficult to predict what would happen, but I think there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship developing between us one day (or least there was before your non-response to my voicemail and text messages).
I think we should go out on a second date. In my opinion, our first date was good enough to lead to a second date.
Why am I writing you? Well, hopefully, we will go out again. Even if we don't, I gain utility from expressing my thoughts to you. In addition, even if you don't want to go out again, I would like to get feedback as to why you wouldn't want to go again. Normally, I wouldn't ask a woman for this type of feedback after a first date, but this is an exception given I think we have a lot of potential.
If you don't want to go again, then apparently you didn't think our first date was good enough to lead to a second date. Dating or a relationship is not a Hollywood movie. It’s good to keep that in mind. In general, I thought the date went well and was expecting that we would go out on a second date.
If you're not interested in going out again, then I would have preferred if you hadn't given those mixed signals. I feel led on. We have a number of things in common. I’ll name a few things: First, we’re both very intelligent. Second, we both like classical music so much that we go to classical music performances by ourselves. In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a woman with whom I’m in a relationship is a liking of classical music. I wouldn’t be seriously involved with a woman if she didn’t like classical music. You said that you're planning to go the NY Philharmonic more often in the future. As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. You're very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests. We already go to classical music performances by ourselves. If we go to classical music performances together, it wouldn't take any significant additional time on your part.
According to the internet, you’re 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, we’re a good match in terms of age. I could name more things that we have in common, but I’ll stop here.
I don’t understand why you apparently don’t want to go out with me again. We have numerous things in common. I assume that you find me physically attractive.
If you didn’t find me physically attractive, then it would have been irrational for you to go out with me in the first place. After all, our first date was not a blind date. You already knew what I looked like before our date. Perhaps, you’re unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a “real” job. Well, I’ve done very well as an investment manager. I’ve made my parents several millions of dollars.
That’s real money. That’s not monopoly money. In my opinion, if I make real money, it’s a real job. Donald Trump’s children work for his company. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. George Soros’s sons help manage their family investments. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. In addition, I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. That’s a unique characteristic; most people aren’t like that. I’ve never been as disappointed and sad about having difficulty about getting a second date as I am with you. I've gone out with a lot of women in my life. (FYI, I'm not a serial dater. Sometimes, I've only gone out with a woman for one date.) People don’t grow on trees. I hope you appreciate the potential we have.
Am I sensitive person? Sure, I am. I think it's better to be sensitive than to be insensitive. There are too many impolite, insensitive people in the world.
I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven’t returned my messages) than I did at our first date.
However, I would be willing to go out with you again. I’m open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt too. If you don't want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life. If you don’t want to go out again, then you should have called to tell me so. Even sending a text message would have been better than nothing. In my opinion, not responding to my messages is impolite, immature, passive aggressive, and cowardly. I spent time, effort, and money meeting you for dinner. Getting back to me in response to my messages would have been a reasonable thing for you to do. In addition, you arrived about 30 minutes late for our date. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if a man showed up thirty minutes late for a first date with you.
If you're concerned that you will hurt my feelings by providing specific information about why you don't want to go with me again, well, my feelings are already hurt. I'm sad and disappointed about this situation. If you give information, at least I can understand the situation better. I might even learn something that is beneficial.
If you don't want to go out again, that I request that you call me and make a sincere apology for leading me on (i.e., giving me mixed signals). In my opinion, you shouldn't act that way toward a man and then not go out with him again.
It’s bad to play with your hair so much and make so much eye contact if you’re not interested in going out with me again. I have tried to write this email well, but it's not perfect. Again, I'm not trying to be harsh, insulting, patronizing, etc. I'm disappointed, sad, etc. I would like to talk to you on the phone. I hope you will call me back at xxx-xxx-xxxx> (if it’s inconvenient for you to talk on the phone when you read this email, you can let me know via email that you are willing to talk on the phone and I’ll call you). If you get my voicemail, you can a leave a message and I can call you back. Even if you don't want to go out again, I would appreciate it if you give me the courtesy of calling me and talking to me. Yes, you might say things that hurt me, but my feelings are already hurt. Sending me an email response (instead of talking on the phone) would be better than no response at all, but I think it would be better to talk on the phone. Email communication has too much potential for misinterpretation, etc.
Best, Mike
According to
Gawker, the letter has been verified by a third party to be from a real person. On behalf of man, I am disheartened to know that this was not the fabrication of an internet troll. On behalf of myself, I am thrilled that I did not waste my time reading a fictional, poorly written, cringe-worthy writing sample. Instead, I wasted my time reading a real, poorly written, cringe-worthy writing sample. That's a lose-lose situation for all of us.
Is it possible that any of you reading this have experienced a similar berating after ignoring a horrible first date? Can any of you come close to topping this? I am scared to even ask.
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Comments (69)
I stopped reading in the midway lol. Despite the fact that he is an investment banker, it looks like he has too much time on his hands.
Hahah. Creepy...
i wouldn't have sent an email myself, and it's probably a little creepy that he googled her to find her email address, but i'm having difficulty seeing what's wrong with the content of the email (other than that he is a total pussy).
also, he's not a banker, and whoever titled the article shouldn't have described him as such.
I love Reddit.
I couldn't read the whole thing. But from what I did read, this guy is an ass and seems so full of himself. He thinks that all women care about is how much money he makes or that they both like classical music? Sorry but that isn't grounds for a realtionship.
Wow. Who gave him dating lessons?
I once received a 10 part text message that went something like this after what I thought was me VERY CLEARLY explaining I had no interest.
The guy sounds like a creeper...
honestly, i think he's right. the bitch could have at least text him back and let him know what's up.
he is weird for doing this though.
This guys sounds like he has spent a lot of money on dating books... But really doesn't have a clue. Touching your hair? OMG...I do that all the time, usually when I'm bored. And eye contact? Some of us do that more because it's considered polite.
Then the whole googling her name to find her email? CREEPY.
Investment bankers are usually pretty good-looking and socially adept...? This confuses me. Or maybe he just kind of slipped through.
I had a penpal over the internet. We had just met, maybe a week into our friendship, and then I had limited access to the internet because I was studying for school and I had a lot of exams. Well, after not having the internet for a while I got used to not being so reliant on the internet so I held of going onto it for another week. I was roughly gone for fourteen days, give or take. When I signed on, I noticed that he was on and then he IMed me with this page long speech about how it was rude of me not give him a heads up that I was leaving, and that I was rude not to message him first when I had signed on (I literally just signed on), but he was so nice and kind-hearted that he would continue to talk with me.
I straight up told him that my real life and my education was more important than some internet friendship and that if he truly felt that I was being rude for not informing him of my agenda (I didn't even know I was going to be away from the internet that long) then perhaps we should not be friends or even try to have a friendship. I also told him he was not my parent, not my husband, and not my best friend so it was none of his business why I was not on for the passed two weeks or that I alert him every time I leave.
I continued to let him know that he was not my top priority, and if he could not understand that life happens and things call me away from the internet abruptly that I don't have time to notify every single person on the internet that I communicate with that I will not be on the internet for an extended period of time then there was no point to continue our friendship. This was not a business transaction - this was a friendship.
He was miffed that I threw him off his high horse. People who speak down to me who barely know me need to be reminded where they stand with me. I can understand if my mother, father, husband, best friend, or relative chews me out for not telling them something, but someone I had just met? No.
That does not fly with me.
Sorry, had to vent.
The email seemed to carry the same tone that he used when "speaking" with me about my "sudden leaving." And the guy in the email seems to carry an arrogance within the email, though it is hard to decipher tone, I can take the hint from it. "I would be willing to go out with you again" suggests that he is giving the girl a gift - a gift of his presence, even though he seems to send the message that she is lesser than he because she has now made herself unappealing. Bull.
There will be no second date. For this guy, probably no more dates period, the word is out.
Yuck, I've encountered guys like this before. They think everyone owes them something, when really no one owes them a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g.
this made me almost fall over from laughing so hard. i would sent him an email back with links to sites about stalking, body language that says you're uncomfortable, and what not to do during and after a first date. i have no sympathy for this man! this is ridiculously pathetic and creepy
wow. can you say desperate?? hahahaha
One word: Desperate.
This should be posted on "Autisable." The man sounds like he has Asperger's Syndrome.
And yes, stating "according to google", or "according to the internet" you immediately lose any desirability you ever once pretended you thought you had.
He sounds totally inept at social dating norms.
Looks to me he's more in investment management more than Investment banking but I guess it looks to sort of sway both ways to a degree. I work with Investment Bankers and I don't blame them for being completely rational like this. The 60-80+ hours on a week and stress level takes a toll on how you think and + they take on a risky position everyday so it's no wonder they'd take the risk in going that far...
Don't know how true this email is but it's quite funny
I play with my hair. I'm not flirting. Eye contact ... that's like Social Skills 101. Seriously creepy.
@phoebester@xanga - yeah, as amusing as it is to laugh, I think he probably has some kind of social disorder.
WOW. This guy sounds like my ex - he looked up directions on how to perform oral sex on the internet. When it was not working for me, he got mad at me and suggested that maybe I'm a lesbian. He was loser, and so is this dude.
This was a bit awkward, especially with all the references to the hair and how he searched her up to get her email. Yikes!
But he's a little in the right. She should have returned his calls and voicemail and explained the situation. I think she was a little mean for not doing that. There ARE normal people who really think you're into them when you're not.