People have many different views on weddings. A lot of people think that it's a waste of money to have a big to-do for one night. Because of that, they decide to go the City Hall route and spend the money on a house, car or something more practical. I also believe it has a lot to do with the way you grew up.
I don't know about the rest of you but I have always dreamed of the big white dress and what my wedding would be like. I'm more of a traditional girl and I think that has a lot to do with it. That's not to say that I don't agree that it is a lot of money for just one night but hopefully you make it back in the gifts from your guests. Although I know that it's more practical to spend the money on something that is more of a necessity, I don't think I would give up on my dreams and traditions of getting the ring along with the engagement and finally a wedding. What I think that a lot of people fail to realize though is that after the wedding comes a marriage. So many people get caught up in the hoopla of planning that they lose sight of what's important. A prime example of this is Kim Kardashian- although that's a whole other story. In fact, a lot of people have timelines or these thoughts in their head that they should be at a certain place in their life and get married for the wrong reasons.. and we all know how that ends up.
So Datingish readers, for those of you who are more traditional ..
do you think we want the wedding more than the marriage? What if your significant other couldn't afford the ring you want or the wedding of your dreams? Do you settle for the sake of love? ..but then again, why should we settle?It's certainly a catch-22 for me.
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Comments (66)
I definitely want the wedding! I would never have said wedding with someone I wasn't wanting to spend the rest of my life with though. If that person couldn't afford it, we'd wait and we'd save. The wedding is very important to me.
The wedding wasn't of great importance to me. My husband and I had a very small ceremony surrounded by family (that actually wanted to come, but that's another story for another day) and friends in the Kay Jewelers that the engagement ring and wedding bands were purchased. I think we spent maybe a grand total of $500 (rings excluded) on that day, and it was everything we could have hoped for and then some.
My mom has pointed out that it's pretty sad if you look at your wedding as the happiest day of your life...it can only be downhill from there! There's definitely too much of a focus on getting the details of the wedding right, that I can't help but think my peers are overlooking getting the details of the relationship right. I'd like to have a nice wedding, with flowers and cake and a pretty dress, but there's no reason to break the bank or stress over the details. I'll be more concerned with the groom, anyway!
@Shytooth@xanga - "I would never have said wedding with someone I wasn't wanting to spend the rest of my life "
Hate to judge you but you're going to be a part of the ~60% American divorce rate if you keep thinking that way by putting conditions like that on a guy.
You should be happy to marry the person you love regardless if there is or isn't a ring or a wedding. The ring and the wedding being "investments" in the relationship is obviously full of fallacies.
If it isn't already that marriage practises are possibly outdated, it's that weddings are DEFINITELY outdated because they are effectively optional for a marriage to exist between two people. It's like it's impossible for people to imagine being in love with another -- without said "investments".
In closing, true love can exist without weddings. Don't lose sight of what's really important by expecting a wedding; the lives of you two together is what is important.
for me ive never been a girl to focus on the wedding or dream about a wedding. for me. love is love, and im a very romantic person. im pretty traditional and i think now i would like to have a nice beautiful wedding with the rings, and full deal and white dress. it'll be gorgeous. its not something i dreamt about- but its what i want now
i agree with the point you brought up. so many people my age seem so concerned with their end goal they forget about their life, who they're with and what they really want--- i cant help but think they'll be regretting their inattention to what really mattered. but im totally fine with marriage, i just think they're missing the point.
I am one that just doesnt see the need for putting so much emphasis on a day...when the rest of your lives together is what matters.
I could care less about the size of the ring or how the wedding goes...the day to day for life with the person I want to spend the rest of it with is all I care about.
I think most people want the fantasy of marriage in general, including the wedding. A marriage is a decision to spend ones life together, in that sense... the relationship changes. I feel like a lot of people who get married expect the relationship to change in other ways. (Ex: Marriage turning a bad relationship into a good relationship) - - If you don't have a relationship you're not going to magically have a good marriage. I think a good compromise would be experimenting with what you do like about marriage without actually getting married. Want the huge party? Throw yourself a fucking party. You don't need marriage to celebrate the fact that you and someone else are in love and want to be together.
Most people probably only care about the wedding, which is really sad. I think weddings are a waste of money, especially in this economy.
I had a huge awesome wedding, I was don't even starting to think about marriage when I got married but he wanted a huge great wedding and we had it. It was nice but the marriage only lasted 12 years.
I feel like the wedding is more for the "Look at me!" type people....and I'm definitely not like that. I will definitely just have a court house wedding.
I'd rather spend the money that would have been spent on a wedding for an extravagant honeymoon
just the two of us
no mother or father in laws and anyone else invited:D I'm not religious, so any of those family witnesses, bridesmaids, bestman to the wedding and whoever don't matter. I also prefer if he feels the same. if he doesn't, we're probably incompatible:P
i want the wedding. lol and then get a divorce two days later. lol jk
These days marriage is nothing but a busineess transaction. Based on the Almighty Dollar. And its disposable and profitable and convenient and politically motivated. Love has nothing to do with it. And its a numbers game in some cases. I know my cousin has been married four times and cheated on all of them.
My husband and I had a small, personal wedding a few years ago. May of 2013, we're having a big wedding with all the trimmings. As long as you focus on your marriage, who cares how you decide to spend your money? The wedding is a celebration of your love and you should do it how you want to.
While I'm looking forward to my wedding, I'm looking forward to growing old with the person I love even more. :)
How about the idea of balance? If I get married I would like to have a wedding, but it wouldn't be a ridiculously huge deal. I'd probably find a pretty prom dress I like and just go with it.
I think the actual marriage is more important than any wedding, but if you can afford to have a great party to celebrate the union of two people, others shouldn't be so judgmental of how you want to celebrate. To each their own. Obviously, it would be most practical to save your money for a down payment on a house, but who's to say one can't have a fun party on a budget? I know lots of people who spare no expense on their clothes, accessories and cosmetics but they balk at the idea of me wanting to buy the best stove I can afford. Everyone's different, and that's cool with me. However, you do make a valid point about lots of people focusing on the big lavish party rather than concerning themselves on how to create and maintain a lasting relationship/marriage. Some of my happily married friends had small intimate weddings that basically entailed a ceremony and gathering for dinner afterward without all the fanfare and even though they did not participate in all the activities many weddings nowadays contain, we had a great time, so much love and happiness was shared.
@xxfl1@xanga - I agree, not all of us dreamt about our weddings since we were 5 years old. I didn't start thinking about our wedding until we got engaged.
@lyrra_askavi@xanga - I like the idea of balance. You can have both, I think--surely not all people who have been happily married for 50+ years only had courthouse weddings.
@lyrra_askavi@xanga - That's what I did! $45 prom dress in the color I wanted vs $800+ wedding dress
in some shade of white? I'll take the $45 one any day.
it wouldn't hurt if i had a lavish wedding like i've always planned but if i didn't get it then i'm ok with it. also with the ring, we could always upgrade later.
Of course I want a wedding. I wouldn't want a big, lavish party, but I would like it to be elegant, pretty and a celebration. I don't care for so much for the reception than I do for the ceremony. The vows, the loved ones witnessing the couple's love... that's what it's all about! Not the dress, ribbons and the table card holders.
My mom (who's been married to my dad for 25 years) always said, "Getting married is the easy part, staying married is the true test." My parents have the best marriage I can think of, and it shows in our happy family of 6. The wedding is just a show if you aren't prepared to give your everything for the commitment. A free, faithful and fruitful life together TILL DEATH DO YOU PART. Anything that falls short of that in my mind is kind of sad...
And this is why girls utterly disgust me. They don't give a rats ass about the guy - just how much money he has to waste on useless crap. It's why girls never talk about the groom at a wedding - he's just some unnecessary extra - it's 'her" big, vapid, self absorbed day.
@happywthejourney@xanga - Thanks for showing that there's at least one decent girl out there. :)
I want a wedding, but I won't have one. I think its a waste of money. I always dreamed and planned my wedding as a girl but now that I am poor I can see reality. But there might not even be anything because I can't even find a man who will date me :(
Even when I wanted to get married, I rarely thought about the wedding. I fantasized about what my marriage would be like, not about a few hours of extravagant expenses and partying that have no impact on how the relationship will turn out. And I'm one of those people who gets stressed out over having to plan anything, so if I do get married I'd really rather not have to deal with the wedding.