Wednesday, 07 December 2011
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You're My First Asian Girl!
My friend recently expressed her disgust with guys who feel the need to point out the fact that she is an Asian girl while they are trying to hit on her. It's as if they don't realize that mentioning they have a "thing" for Asian girls doesn't really help their cause. She recently got a text from a guy that said, "I've never been with an Asian girl before (not that it matters)." And yes, the parentheses were part of the text.
In what universe must you live in where saying "not that it matters" actually means it doesn't matter? If anything, you just did the equivalent of Bolding, Italicizing, and Underlining your supposedly non-essential statement. She knows she's Asian, she knows you can tell she's Asian, and there really is no need to bring it up unless you have something worth saying about it—not just you acknowledging it. Otherwise, this is a fail pick-up line.
I understand you may have this uncontrollable, uncontainable, physical, bursting joy for finally having the chance to fulfill your Asian girl fantasy. But, that little fetish you have is not as endearing to the girl you're talking to as much as you have convinced yourself to believe. It's not like she's going to be ecstatic upon hearing the fact that you have never been with an Asian girl before. What did you expect? That she would be swept off her feet by your racial observations?
Obviously, this doesn't just apply to Asians. This goes for anyone who is approached based solely on their ethnicity. So, what I'd like to know is:
Do you feel that some people approach you more because of your "exotic" ethnic background than for any other reason? Do you think it is something that gets in the way and must always be addressed first before someone can actually get to know you? Does it work to your advantage or disadvantage?
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- From: MikeyS
- Name: MikeyS
- Location: Long Island, New York, United States
- About Me: Here to share my relationship successes, blunders, downright failures, and thoughts about dating in general. Some of it is embarrassing, some of it is funny, some of it I'm not proud of, and some of it I've never shared with anyone. I'm just going to tell it the way I see it. (Friend, subscribe, or ask me anything. I'd love to hear your thoughts about past topics and your ideas about future ones!)
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Comments (103)
i went to a school with a disproportionately large population of both yellow and brown rice, so by default, i've hooked up with more asians percentage-wise than i'd like to admit.
but honestly, i don't see what it is that white people like so much about them. they're so skinny. freaks in the sheets though, that's for sure...
Oh, it's Gale! Swoony.
I live in a place where there aren't a lot of visible minorities. I've had a lot of non-Asian guys say something similar to me, but worse. And it always creeps me out. Familiarity breeds contempt. And that's one of the reasons why I prefer to be with Asian men.
My boyfriend is actually 1/4 Japanese, but you'd think he was 100% Japanese if you saw him. I was surprised when he said he was only 1/4. I, on the other hand, am definitely not exotic at all. Although he is the first Asian guy I've ever dated, I didn't mention that to him and I'm not sure why someone would. It doesn't really have anything to do with... well anything.
I just mention how adorable he is all the time.
*face palm*
Idk, I feel like dating an Asian girl is far more different than dating a white girl because there may be a culture influence on the way they expect you to act in the relationship. I know I had to compromise with my boyfriend when it came to the things I expected from him, and my parents weren't too easy on him either.
I live in Vancouver, Canada. The majority of Asian women in Vancouver are often viewed as petite, super-feminine, quiet, shy, 'submissive' and docile. Of course, these are the stereotypes created by non-Asian men; unless you're from Japan, and apparently Japanese women are little more quieter than other ethnic backgrounds, because I'm not ANY of those terms. Definitely not petite. So, the most of the "pick-up" line I've heard starts with, "I've never met an Asian girl so tall before!" or "I've never dated an Asian so tall" or when they actually note that I'm Korean, they go on to say, "I didn't know Korean women are so tall!" -_-;
That said, those comments did not always come from guys who were non-Asian. Sometimes, the men making such generalizing comments WERE Asian.
A close girl friend of mine, who is also Korean but she's petite, Catholic, very feminine (read: girly-- she mastered needlepoint and passed the prelim. sewing class), opinionated but you wouldn't know it unless you knew her personality... She used to say that she'd like to date a white guy but they don't approach her the way they approach me. She said, "I'm not appealing to White guys. You are. Why is the difference? Am I too 'Korean' for Canadian guys to want to date me?" I didn't see a difference between a white guy making that "I've never met an Asian girl so tall before" with her comment of "I've never been with a White guy before!" So I think it goes both ways... It's not really a "fetish" or even as the terms would deed it perverse, "yellow fever." I think it's also environment. The white guy who went to say, "You're my first Asian!" (if he actually meant it), then I think he's just shocked that an Asian girl would date him. If he didn't mean it, he probably said it to feed ego of the woman he just said that too.
Anyway, I think we've all come across someone that was surprised/astonished/obvious to state that "you" are their first (place ethnicity here) whatever. I guess, my fiance is my first Italian that I've dated, but I'm not going to say that. It seems too obvious to point out, isn't it? lol
annoys the shit out of meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. omg.
I'm white, so I don't experience this issue much here in the U.S., but it's happened to me in China and France. Once because of my ethnicity, once because of my accent. A woman in China came up to me, grabbed me, and tried to get me to date her son. -.- People in France just wanted to hear me talk. I can see where it would get old after awhile. I've actually had to coach people about dealing with the one British professor at school, because they start drooling over his accent and making fools of themselves-I'm pretty sure at this point, he's aware that he's from England.
Yeah, saying that as a pick up line is such a turn off. It's almost creepy to be said by a man or a woman before you're actually with them because it's so suggestive, at least in the way I view it. After people start dating it's a whole different story. I have dated people from different backgrounds and it's just natural for me to say stuff like "I've never been with an Asian before" for instance with my Chinese ex. That's when I think it's ok and not creepy to say.
Not going to lie, I find Asians very attractive, but not in a fetish kind of way. Mentioning that you have been with an Asian is just pathetic. I feel sry that guys have to be like that! There really isn't any difference between dating between the races.
A fetish could wear off - and then the Asian girl might not be so special anymore- and then the guy might grow a fetish for some red head. I don't know. I just hope that's not the case in my situation!
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - bahahahahahahhahahah .
First thing that came to mind when I read this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEEWE7gcPw0
i only seen ugly asian women with old white men.
I fucking LOL when people who are not Asian assume that Asian women are docile and submissive.
1) Asian women (in my case Korean women) are anything but docile. Them bitches are nuts...but I love that shit.
2) Submissive? Show me a submissive Korean woman and I'll show you someone who is getting played.
A message to the people out there who think that getting with an Asian girl will mean morning blowjobs and a back massage on command, wake the fuck up. This isn't the movies...most Korean girls will eat your fucking lunch and sell the clothes off your back for shits and giggles.
I've never been in a relationship with someone of a different race, but I can imagine if I were.....I would probably say something similar....
It's not meant to be offensive, it's just a fact.
@mr_jin_tonic@xanga - ahaha. from what I've seen of Asian women (living in Vietnam) they are possessive as hell. You BELONG to them and you better not step a toe out of line or they go bat shit crazy on you! lol....it's pretty fun to watch, especially when my expat friends take on Asian girlfriends....they don't know how to act and seem to do everything wrong!
I'm white and my boyfriend is Chinese and although we are able to leave race out of things (unless we're teasing each other... its been almost 5 years now we're beyond the awkward stage lol) but other people seem to bring it up all the time... that can get a bit tiring...
I remember when I started dating this Chinese guy, he asked me if I was the first Asian he dated. I think it was because I was like "wow, you have like...no body hair".
I try not to announce to Indian guys that I really really like Indian guys. The first one I dated for a bit, I said something when we drank a little and he lived it up the whole time we were together. I think he enjoyed being the brown boy I so lusted for.
unfortunately, there is a stereotype out there, and unfortunately, there are places where minorities are only dreamed about. and, unfortunately, there are places that intentionally perpetuate the "exotic" stereotype in order to keep it alive and pull people into their businesses. there are lots of other stereotypes out there though. it doesn't mean you fit the bill. it just means that there are people out there that don't consider that all people of one race or gender or job or whatever are not going to fit some stereotype society has created around them.
If that were me I would think those guys were creepsters.
Yeah I've gotten "I've never been with a happa before". So then I generally ask:
Ever been with a white guy?
...yeah.
Ever been with an Asian guy?
...yeah.
Ok basically just imagine the two put together and there you go.
I actually had my fling told me 'he had never been with an Asian girl before.' I took it as a compliment and moved along.
I don't get picked up simply because I'm Asian. *pouty face*
I've been harassed plenty of times, though. The usual bully saying that I eat dogs and cats or the small penis myth or whatever.