If he comes from a traditional Indian family, chances are he is going to have an arranged marriage...or at least that may be what his parents want...and it means an Indian girl.

Thats a really tough situation. I agree that you need to figure out if you think he's worth the work. Maybe meeting the parents won't be that horrible, perhaps they'll like you! Maybe do some volunteer work and present yourself as a really positive influence on their son? hope everything works out! 

But, I do want to tell you a story of my own. I'm in love with a girl that lives 2.5 hours away doing 70-80mph the entire way. Visiting her is exhausting but as soon as I get there and see her smile I'm instantly reminded of why I make the trip. 10, 20 years, or even a week from now, I'm not going to remember the times I was out watching a movie, but I will remember the times I held her hand in mine. No amount of adversity would make her the lesser choice. 

go to his house. how often do his parents actually "pop" over? also, maybe you guys should see a counselor about this. he's letting his parents ruin his life, but if they're as strict as you're saying they are (and I believe it...) then it doesn't look like they'll ever let go, and he seems to just keep doing what he wants and allowing them to rule his life.

Being Indian, born and brought up in the Midwest, with relatively strict, conservative, South Indian parents, I will agree that this is a tough situation. I disagree with JanuaryStarr@xanga, however, that all Indian parents will favor an arranged marriage. I have participated in and listened to frequent discussion with other Indian parents regarding Arranged Marriages. There are some parents who are much more understanding than others. They realize that the society and many of the circumstances that favored arranged marriages are no longer relevant today. That said it often becomes a debate about American culture and Indian culture. Somethings that I have learned-- Divorce almost isn't an option, and only under rare circumstances. Marriage is not seen as the union of two people, but rather, of two families. 

Family always > everything else. I'm not Indian, but I like to think I stay as traditional as possible with relationships and if my parents don't like a guy he is without a doubt out of my life as as romantic partner. Like another comment said above, marriage is between two families and not just two people. It's much easier if you and his family get along than for you to have to "deal with" people for the rest of your life. They probably see you as a distraction for him. Personally in your situation, I would take a break from him to show his family that you respect the same values they do and then once he has his feet on the ground come back. 

His family will always be in his life.  I can guarantee you that.  If you can't deal with it, move on. 

If he had maintained his grades, maybe he wouldn't be in the situation that he is in now.

@aftershejumped@xanga - I totally agree with you on the compliant part.

 It seems to me what this guy needs to do is not be in a relationship right now. He's in college and has a lot of stuff going on. He was getting poor grades, he has a job, had to start at a new school, he has family issues, and now he needs counseling. I don't think he's in the right state to handle a relationship and be fully committed to you as well.

You should definitely ask him what he wants.

it seems to me as if his parents are trying to push him to be independent rather than the other way. they pulled him out of one school because he wasn't doing well (which is his fault. he knew how his parents were and he still slacked), and now they're having him live on his own and fend for himself. they may be strict, but clearly they're not out to ruin his life. and ultimately, this training period will probably be better for yall's relationship. 
i understand that you want to be with him, but i think you should give him space. dont tell him to request time off or schedule changes when he just got the job, that'll make him look unreliable. let him adjust to his situation and be supportive and encouraging. maybe once he's found his niche in school and his work, his parents will be happier, and in turn he'll be able to give more attention to yall's relationship as well. if you want a better relationship with his parents, you ought to take the initiative to meet them, and instead of criticizing them try to understand where they're coming from and why they have their opinions. hopefully once they see that you're putting in efforts towards his whole family and not just him, they'll start meeting you halfway. 

I'm going to piggyback on some of the comments about understanding the culture and add this: a lot of Asian cultures stress the importance of family over individual. As an Indian, I can tell you that Indian parents are meddlesome as hell but they think, say, and do what do they do because they love and care for their children. They want only the best for them. Some parents are conservative, some are progressive, and most are in between, in my opinion. Most Indian parents are immigrants; they were born, raised, and lived in India so whatever type of mentality their parents and culture passed on to them is what they absorb. Coming from a poor country, the BIG emphasis is on getting a good education so you can get a good job and make money. This goal is everything to Indian parents, to see their children make successes of themselves so they don't have to experience the hardship and struggles their parents did. Just because Indian parents are meddlesome doesn't mean they're necessarily helicopter parents. In addition to education, they stress the importance of independence and self-sufficiency because in their experience, the fastest way to get screwed over is by depending on someone else. Based on what you've written and other users' comments, I'd have to agree that your boyfriend's parents are trying to make a man out of him but they may not be so successful now because of excessive coddling/giving into demands when he was younger. At the same time, your boyfriend has been raised in the "family is all" culture and when you go against your parents' wishes, there will be arguments, sometimes rational, other times not so much. Guilt and/or shame play fairly significant roles in Asian cultures. You're an American and Americans have been raised on ideals of individualism, personal freedom, "you don't like it, change it or leave," etc. so a lot of times Americans don't understand and/or are routinely frustrated by Asian households. This is why! You need to understand where his parents are coming from because they will always be a part of his life. You're trying to distance him from his family so that he can spend time with you. You told him to get a job because he needs independence and experience but you turn around and wail because his time is limited with school and other activities so he works weekends. You say you're doing all of these things to help him grow as a person but to me, it just sounds like you're deliberately undermining his relationship with his family so that you can have him all to yourself. Not only that, you're trying to run his life for him by telling him how he should run it. It comes down to this: you need to talk to him and see if he's happy with the relationship. I think your boyfriend needs time to himself for a while, figure out who he is on his own pace without being torn apart by his girlfriend and parents. IF YOU MAKE HIM CHOOSE, I CAN ALMOST GUARANTEE HE WILL CHOOSE THEM OVER YOU. If you want to make this work, not out of guilt or time/energy already spent but out of genuine feeling for him and potential for the two of you, you need to start a dialogue with everyone involved - yourself, him, and his parents. It doesn't sound to me like you've tried; you just complain about them and a whole host of other things. Direct, honest communication, confrontation, if I may, seems to be an American thing so why don't you utilize that instead of this passive aggression?