Monday, 05 December 2011
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Teenage Sexuality
I'm 16 years old. My girlfriend is just 15.
We've been dating for two years on the 28th. Only recently, I have agreed to her suggestion of stopping our sexting. I've been very confused since she can't be intimate with me personally, yet she could be so different through text. She's a very conservative girl, being raised in a tightly knit, and religious family. I have asked her so many times about the idea of sex, and she is determined to share it only with her husband.However, lately these days, I have noticed that she's vulnerable should the situation present itself. But we don't see each other often and we both know that doing the act would be impossible. Still, we would daydream about doing the act. I'm very confused with how she changes her mind. Sometimes she would shyly tell me when I bring up the topic. Sometimes, she would bring up the topic and would tell me the act might happen, and sometimes, she just says that she is going to preserve it for marriage.
I truly love her and I respect her decision. But it is because of that love that I want to share that act with her. She does not get mad when we talk about the topic because she is open to talking about it (after a long time of gentle persistence, that is). My morals are still the same, and so is my religion... and it is because of my views that I want to do it with her. With the one I love. We are both virgins. Many people who are the same age as my mother do not approve of my relationship, and my mother is one of them. My peers think that the relationship we have is special.
I would just like to ask,
What would you do, if you were in my shoes and you were determined to give your significant other that special part of you? I'm torn between taking advantage of my being her boyfriend to seduce her, or respect her decision, go with the flow and wait til we're married.
I'm more inclined towards the latter in kind of like a 49/51 situation....
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Comments (92)
Honestly you have to respect her decision. However, I personally think that sexual compatibility is incredibly important in any relationship and if you guys don't agree, maybe it's time to move one.
She is 15 years old. Keep it in your pants.
I'm not saying you need to wait til marriage, but trust me, things will change over the next few years drastically. If you guys are 18 and still feel this way, then rehash things.
Also, she obviously feels guilty about sexting - think how guilty she might feel if you did sleep with her. It could very easily lead to the end of a relationship.
I have to agree with @Gorrific@xanga. You have to respect her decision to not have sex with you. But if your views on the topic are different, that could drive a wedge between you later in life. You might want to consider finding someone else.
Definitely respect her decision. You guys are young. No need to rush things. Give it more time.
If you love her and want to be with her, you'll wait. I know it's hard since you've been together for two years, but keep in mind how young you both are. If you respect her now, just think of how much better it will be in the long run. When she finally is ready, it will make it so much more special and she will feel so much closer to you knowing that you loved her enough to wait until she felt it was okay. Believe me, it will be a much more enjoyable experience that way.
DO NOT try to convince her to change her mind. If her hormones take over and she gives in, and you two don't work out.....you will be nothing but a regret in her eyes.
Respect her decision to wait until marriage, and make her stick with it. You will feel so much better about yourself later.
I remember wanting to wait to have sex thus losing my virginity at 18. I think its about being ready and your girl is NoT ready. thus back off. If she wants you, she will have sex with you.
You respect her decision. End of story. You don't push her or try to seduce her. How can you say you love her and care for her but still consider disrespecting her like that an option?
If you are able to seduce her and have sex, then most likely she will regret it (and maybe you will too).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlJFvxad1_A
Watch that.
Like everyone has said, she isn't ready. Pressuring her won't help at all. I lost my virginity when I was 15 and looking back i realize how unready I was even though I didn't think I was. You can wait - trust me it won't kill you. It will be more special if you give it time. A lot can happen over the next four years.
Sexting can definitely lead a girl to feel guilty (I know the feeling) and her sudden withdrawal can leave the guy quite confused. Respect her decision, and id she changes her mind for good, only then can you repeal the virgin-until-marriage agreement. Engaging in the act before she is ready will leave her feeling guilty, and if her parents find out, you'll both be dead meat.
Its good of you to be respectful of her decision. Keep it that way. Don't pressure her, but be wary of her flip-flopping mindset about it.
wait till you are older
You're only 16, she's only 15. Do you have any idea what love really is? It's more than just sex. The best thing you can do is to respect her decision. She's not sure whether or not she wants to lose her virginity just yet. She is young. Losing her virginity, especially for someone who has strong religious beliefs, is a big deal. When she's ready she'll come around. Don't pressure her into doing something she doesn't want.
fucking now is a good way to break up.
v--
you're determined to "share that special part of you" with her? you mean your dick, bro? you can't be determined to have sex with your girlfriend when she is flip flopping--- that is disgusting and disrespectful. it puts pressure on her.
if you want to take advantage of her vulnerability to get something you want, you're not a boyfriend or even a friend - you're just some asshole who is using her. by your actions you're showing you don't truly give two shits about her, even while you insist you're someone with whom she shares something "special".I think you should respect her decision, and help her stay firm in her decision, no matter how much you want to be intimate.
I regret losing my virginity when I did. I really intended to wait until marriage, but things happened very differently than I planned. I kinda wish my boyfriend had made me stick to waiting, even though we both enjoy being intimate. Do not get me wrong: I love him a lot, and I do not regret losing my virginity to him. I just regret not waiting until marriage.
I think you are young and have plenty of time. I think both of you will really be glad if you wait. There is no need to rush into growing up. Stay as young and innocent as you possibly can.
ask yourself this.. "am i ready for a real commitment? am i ready to throw my life away for some flesh and suffer the consequences when i get her pregnant?" and you're young what the hell is your rush? you can't control your hormones??!! stick to sexting it's much safer and it won't give you a disease neither..
love doesn't mean sex neither.. it means respect.. learn it before you dive into something so ignorantly..
What if she gets pregnant? Are you going to be there for her? If you're trying to use her vulnerability to satisfying your desires, then you don't really "love" her.
Love is sacrifice. Love is patient. Can you imagine being with your girlfriend in 10 years? 20 years? What if when she's old and wrinkly and not so pretty anymore? Think about the future, not just what your hormones are telling you.
Marriage is a life long commitment. Dating isn't. What does marriage mean to you? If she wants to save sex for her husband, you need to respect that and wait until you guys get married (if you guys stay together that long--most people don't marry their high school sweethearts!)
As you get older, your perspective will keep changing. Are you the same person you were five years ago? Don't make a bad decision that you'll regret later on in life when you can't do anything about it.
Also, if your religion is telling you to save sex for marriage, and you're willing to do it anyways, you're not being true to the religion. You should try learning more about your faith instead of wearing it like a t-shirt.
@sonnigenmai@xanga - It's awesome you are respecting her decision, it's very rare to see kids of our generation taking this road, even at your age. I think it's a good idea to wait and not push it. It's very different to talk and day dream about it than to actually act on it and sometimes, yeah, you guys will waver in the thoughts of your decision, you guys have been dating for a while now and you are at that age where it can be all you think about but don't give in...she might totally regret it after, and you both will feel bad ( It's happened so many times), and it could only lead to trouble with family...ect, If you guys really have a "strong connection" you guys can wait.
p.s. sorry i totally sent this wrong:/ dont hate me lol i dont use this that much
respect her decision..your both really young.
I think you should respect her decision. And if you really choose to respect her decision, then respect your own decision to respect hers. Ok, I am not making any sense... but coming from a person who did originally want to save it till marriage, I really wish my ex would have respected me when he said he does. She probably just wants to make sure you are the one she wants the marry, not neccessarily until after you marry. The point is, she is waiting because she values her relationship with you. :)
You guys are young and you should respect her decision. Reassess the situation in a few years after you go to college. When I was 15, I was determined to remain a virgin til marriage, but then I met the love of my life and things changed.
Yeah you two are REALLY REALLY young. And I'm not saying this as an "old" person..I'm just 20 but I'm sure to you I seem "old" lol. Look, what you think is "love" may change. I TOTALLY get that you might think I'm wrong and that all of us who say your perception of love may change are wrong because your feelings are so strong toward your gf. I think that's great that you love, or think you love, her so much. But you're growing up and infatuation via hormones (trust me, I'm taking anatomy at Berkeley and I know lol) is STRONG. And plus, not just through anatomy but just having gone through that phase, your mind changes. Your gf is debating whether or not she should have sex because she's kind of torn like you but if she feels torn, she's not ready. I know, we all know, how powerful the urge to have sex is, especially for a girl when she's ovulating- which is probably when your gf tells you that she might be ready. If you pay real close attention to when she says she might want to have sex, it probably will be the around 1-2 weeks after her period, EVERY time lol.
So my point is, totally wait. Way way wayy too young to know what you want, and for you it may not be a big deal if she doesn't turn out to be "the one", but for her it will be something huge. And again, really think about the fact that she seriously may not be the one. Because feelings change as your gonads change dude. Seriously.
Respect her choice. Most girls who do this flip-flopping are torn between what they truly want and what their primal desires want. I wanted to keep my clothes on until marriage, and my first boyfriend KEPT pressuring me, and every time we went "further" sexually, I'd feel so guilty, torn between the promise I'd made to myself and sexual desires.
It just made everything so much worse. Imagine every time you do a more intimate sexual act, she enjoys it, but then feels guilty afterwards. That's not how anyone's first time should be. That's what's going to happen every single time you do something more sexual unless SHE decides she wants do things before she gets married. Don't put her through that if you really care about her.
Don't push. If she gives in because you've pressured her, and then she regrets it, it will ruin your relationship and she will resent you for the rest of her life. Losing your virginity is a big deal, particularly for girls. 15 and 16 is too young to be thinking about having sex, anyway. Try to think through your hormones and respect her wishes to wait until marriage--it will make your relationship stronger. If you don't resist, you could damage your relationship with her irreparably.
-Katie