Monday, 05 December 2011
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He Just Cut Me Out of His Life
Recently I received a message from a guy (Evan) I like, on Facebook along the lines of this:
"Everything is okay; sorry if I made you worry. To put it bluntly I don't think I can talk with you anymore. It was nothing you did. Sorry."
Now, here's the context that was leading up to how this happened. I go to this weekly meeting on Tuesdays at my university, and after these meetings we'd go for coffee. So one conversation we had revolved around plans for the Remembrance Day long weekend. I told him, "I'll be going back to BC and having dinner with my friends, having the 'talk' following coming out to my parents, and meeting up with a guy to have dinner."
He then proceeded to ask, "Are you going to tell me more?" To which I replied, "About which one?"
You know what he asked? "The last one." Yes, he asked about my little meet-up! Now, I didn't want to overanalyze it, but most of my friends have concluded that if you're actually interested in someone, you'd want to know more about any 'dates' they may be going to. So, isn't it possible that he was interested in me?
The long weekend passed, and I never saw the guy I was supposed to have dinner with (Sam from my previous post). So the following week, I went to the meeting, and had a scarf that I bought for him. However, halfway through the meeting, Evan just got up and left without saying anything. I thought maybe something happened and he needed to leave, so I didn't follow suite and just messaged him a couple nights later (Thursday) wondering if we could go and grab a drink or something (to see if he'd like to chat about what happened in person). I got no reply.
The next week came, and I didn't see him at the meeting. So obviously I was worried and decided to message him again wondering if everything was okay. The next night (Wednesday) was when I received the message above. I wasn't sure how to react, so I didn't reply because he's made it clear he didn't want to talk to me.
Instead, I wrote a letter thanking him for having been in my life and for being my friend, and then confessing and telling him I liked him. Then I placed it with the scarf I'd bought for him and asked someone to give it to him. It's been quite a bit of time since he received the package, and I've yet to hear back.
What should I do? I'm sincerely worried about him and also want to find out why he's decided to sever our friendship altogether. Please help!
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About the Author
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- From: iKevinL@xanga
- Name: Kevin
- Location: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
- About Me: An average 18 year old who absolutely loves cuddling up with a good book on his Saturday nights. Oh, I'm also what you'd call homosexual. Peace and love xx
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Comments (23)
I wish i knew what to tell you, i've just went through the same thing with a friend of mine, who, out of nowhere decided to stop talking to me. Ive also continued to text him every now and then and no reply...
Maybe he wasn't interested in you and he was put off of being friends with you after he found out you liked him. It's probably nothing personal, but either way I wouldn't worry too much about it - you'll met people who will like being part of your life.
There's nothing you can do. It's his choice who he wants in his life, and I'm not saying that he doesn't, there could be millions of reasons why he did what he did. This happened to me, this guy that I was seeing for 6 MONTHS disappeared without a word for 2 months; and is reappearing again right now.
You just never know the reason. The only reason I cut friends out is because they carry too much drama, self-absorbed, or we just aren't on the same page anymore.
With that said, friends can confide in each other about anything, if he can't tell you what's up... well, no point of reaching out to him anymore if he isn't willing to in return.
I sort of cut one of my coworkers out of my life, but I can't really do that since we work together
anyway, I went to lunch with him once as friends and he actually introduced me to his friend at the restaurant as his "girlfriend"*shudders* then he'd keep calling my phone and asked me I wanted to go out with him again. later I just ignored him and he actually called my main office's work phone number to talk to me since he couldn't reach me on the phone*hello, stalkerrrr* I told him that I was busy at work and hung up on him
we're not suppose to have personal phone calls during work anyway
then he had the nerve to ask me out during work, which I rejected him directly and he has not called me since*whew* but I still see him at work and try to avoid all eye contact, but just the glance of him disgusts me because he just creeps me out, because I think he is undressing me with his eyes or something and I just feel my personal space has been violated due to his previous pushy behavior. your situation isn't that extreme but yeah, just my experience of why I don't even want to be friends with the guy.
a guy once said that to me and it was bc he wasn't interested in me. it's quite black and white here, if someone really wanted to hang out with you and liked you, they wouldn't say that to you. the guy that said that to me thought if he told me the truth, it would hurt my feelings but by him not telling me the truth about how it felt about me hurt me more. don't waste your time on people like that, they can't make up their effin mind and they're only out there to hurt people.
Cute. lol @ gay boy problems.
you were probably a bit too pushy/needy, especially when you haven't established anything solid, you kept on initiating the calls and gave him a scarf? lol. He's was just not that into you. Move on to better things now.
He probably just needs space or maybe he's unsure and confused about his own feelings.
@LeeKymKween@xanga - I don't think that's too pushy/needy, if the only calls are the ones above- those are just checking up calls. but idk, maybe the dude thought they were too needy...everyone has different opinions.
Unfortunately, you can't make someone be friends with you. I think maybe once he knew you were gay (if he didn't know before?) he probably felt quite uncomfortable - maybe because it confirmed that you liked him, maybe because he likes you too and didn't know how to act - who knows, but he probably found it easier to just cut you out of his life.
Don't spend too much time getting upset about it - you'll find someone who likes you for you and who won't run off for no apparent reason one day :)
Is he gay/bi? If he's not then he might be a bit freaked out by you coming on to him. Or it could be that he's confused.
u weren't needy but the scarf was a bit too much. either way...a friendship or a relationship is a two way road, and ur putting more of an effort than he is.
My sister is a lesbian and she is struggling with a somewhat similar problem. It's different but this post made me think of her.
She only has one or two close girl friends-most of her friends are guys she has known for years. She has been trying to make new guy friends, but they almost always end up trying to take her out on a date. Once she drops "the lesbian bomb" (her words) they disappear. It's sad because she gets really hurt-she just wants to make new friends, and every time a potential friend disappears it makes her wonder if guys just want in her pants. She is much more than a beautiful girl, and it sucks to have to watch her get hurt over and over.
ANYWAY, although her problem is almost the opposite as yours, (she isnt interested and you ARE) the same thing still applies-you unfortunately cant make someone be your friend. Wouldnt it be nice if we could though?
He already made his decision and decided to cut off contacts with you as well as your friendship. Of course we wonder why and what did we do to make them make that decision, but at the end of the day, he doesn't want you in his life. It's hard, but sometimes, we'll just have to move on without knowing the answer.
Maybe he isn't ready to be openly/publically be with someone who is gay? Maybe, when you didn't explain the guy you were supposed to have dinner with, SAM, it hurt his feelings when you were being evasive about your answers. You could have said "having dinner with my friend Sam" but you didn't. *shrug* you said a GUY. I don't know if he knows he's feeling something beyond friendship for you, but maybe he felt you shut the door on his face because you didn't share?
or maybe he's not ready to date guys. or maybe he hasn't fully come out yet. or maybe, just maybe, you're not the type that he thought you were? there are TOO many MAYBEs in my feedback, my apologies. Since he has decided to REMOVE himself from your life, all you can do is respect his decision. IF he decideds to befriend you again, he'll probably explain WHY he did it in the first place, but until then, you should let it go. Yes, it's hurtful. Yes, it's disconcerning. Yes, it's weird. But it's what he wants. Don't harass him, give him what he wants. *shrug* what more can you do?
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - Thanks! The sad thing is, he cut me out BEFORE I gave him the scarf or told him I liked him. So it was just a very sudden and sharp cut. :\
@chadwilly@xanga - He is gay, and has come out to his family (who I hear are very supportive of it)...
@shatteredmoonbeams@xanga - Tell your sister I wish her the best of luck! :)
@kor_girl@xanga - Sigh, thanks for your advice. I thought the possibility of me meeting someone else was a precursor to his decision to cut me out. Anyways, I've done what I can and there's no regrets. Thanks for your advice again! :)
it happened to me too. All of a sudden, i realised he has un-friend me in FB. I dont see him on msn messenger anymore. I have no idea what happened too because he was asking for a chance us to get to know each other better a few weeks back. I was just starting to react positively.
It was really irresponsible of him to do that to me. Asking for a chance and just totally disappear like that. I still text him several times, but no reply. I want to email him and asked him why did he do that, but I did not as if felt there is no point wasting time over someone like that.
Asshole.
I say let bygones be bygones. You did the right thing, and you should be proud of it. And let whatever happens happen.
This happened to me with my ex-boyfriend... after I broke up with him and we decided to remain friends. It hurts, I know (it still kinda does for me, cause I miss him), but it's best that you don't push it. /: They just need a clean break.
Soooo, that's not okay.
Really immature.
I would love to read the comments you received by now, but I do not have enough time to do that. So, I am sorry for not reading your comments, guys!!!
First of all, Kevin: take a deep breath... really: take it! NOW! exhale slowly... ok, now we can move to the next part of my comment.
Second of all, do not contact him now. It may aggravate him, if you do. Do not worry about him, ok? I am sure that he is fine... but there may be something that is going on in his life right now and he needs time to set things straight in his life.
Third of all: You gave him some time. Well, then give him some more... and if:a. he contacts you after all -then good!b. he does not contact you at all... then he is north worth it...! Simply: get over the situation!!! You will be all good and fine, My Dear!! I promise!!
Fourth of all: You should not have told him about those dinner plans. Even me, as a woman, I do not want to know if a guy that I've just met plans to date someone else... No, no, no. Keep it to yourself at the beginning...
Now listen to me...Do not contact him, unless he contacts you. He really may be dealing with a problem, but if he will need help -he will ask for it. It seems that he needs space. And if you give him that space, he may appreciate it a lot. So Kevin, take it easy Darling!!!
If he does not contact you AT ALL... after receiving a gift from you......Then screw it! You will find someone better to crush on : )Be not afraid, Kevin!!!
I am wishing you THE VERY BEST!!! :)))
He sounds rude.