Saturday, 03 December 2011
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Will the Cheaters of Yesterday Yield the Cheaters of Tomorrow?
I finally got on board with watching Mad Men just a few days ago and my mind has just been bursting with relationship stuff to discuss. The first season begins in 1960 and is largely set in the offices of Sterling Cooper, an advertising firm, in New York. Our main man, Donald Draper (played by Jon Hamm) is in his mid 30s. He's creative director of Sterling Cooper, he is married (to January Jones), and has two young children. He sounds like the perfect guy, right?Well, Don is also a major womanizer. In fact, almost every man in this show is. Even a guy I adored in the first few episodes (I won't expose his name-- I don't want to ruin it) winds up drunkenly sleeping with one of the secretaries. most of the wives are either too naive to realize or too afraid to confront their husbands. So, the cycle of cheating continues.
A lot of this has to do with the time period that it's set in. This was typical of 1960. Yet, frankly, I don't want to know if my grandfathers or uncles were among these guys.
Marrying for love is for the newer generations. It wasn't terribly popular then, unfortunately. Though, somehow, I always thought of my family as not fitting in to that. I just assumed that the men in my family were faithful. Perhaps they were. Maybe there's no way to know.
But, I have to wonder, what if our fathers were like this? If they grew up watching their fathers as replicas of Don Draper, how would they know what's right and wrong? Or, maybe they know it's wrong, but they don't see any real consequences in doing as they please.
Will generations to come contain as many womanizers? Are the tides turning? Will it soon be expected that women cheat more?
Is cheating unavoidable? Is it human nature?
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- From: TheDailyDane
- About Me: I'm Dane and I'm 20. Follow me on Twitter @danefeldman. I am a huge supporter of long-term relationships. What's the fun in knowing something will end in a week? Stick around for some long-term bloggin'.
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Comments (13)
I think in several situations you'll see children emulate their parents very closely, but then there will be children who are so disgusted by their own parent's actions that they'll vow to avoid becoming that at all costs. For instance, my parents are alcoholics. You'll see many children with alcoholic parents become ones themselves (there IS a genetic factor). But still, you'll see me who doesn't necessarily avoid or deplore drinking but I have no interest in heavy drinking or keeping alcohol in my home. I'm a wine/beer with a dinner out kind of person.
I can give you a couple of more examples. My grandfather stepped out on my grandmother and eventually, left her to be with another woman. He also abandoned his young family. One of his sons, my father, saw what went on. And when he grew up, he, too, cheated on my mother numerous times. I was very aware of the cheating from a young age and I witnessed the incredible pain my father inflicted on my mother. I vowed then and there I would never cheat and I have kept my vow to this day. Sure, I've heard people say, "never say never", but I have made a conscious decision to never place or allow myself to be put in compromising situations.
I noticed this when watching the show. Womanizing, cheating, being scandelous! lol. I was very confused. I hope it doesnt come to that. =/ AGAIN. Cheating is for the weak.
@Murphy_Rants@xanga - Damn you beat me to that point! :P
Cheating is often a result of insecurity and passive aggressiveness. For any relationship to work there needs to be open communication and honesty, and I hate it when people say, "I can't do that!" you can; you're either just too ignorant or too lazy to do so.
Speaking on the effect that parents have...it depends. A few studies I've read in the Journal of Psychology have shown that our parents only influence us between 3-15%, in some cases not at all. It's our peer group that play the significant role in determining who we become, our behaviors, or our personality, and yes that group "can" include one's parents but it's usually ones close friends, teachers, and other role models who make up that group. I digress though...
In regards to my personal experience with my parents poor behaviors (Drug addiction, alcoholism, mental abuse, cheating, etc.) the behavior was appalling, vile, disgusting, and overall just really pathetic and disappointing to watch. From a young age I knew and vowed that I would never go down any of those paths. In regards to cheating specifically, I have been cheated on and it was easily one of the worst experiences I have ever had, I vomited after finding out. That only reinforced my beliefs and hatred towards cheating, I would never be the cause of someone experiencing what I had.
There is absolutely no excuse for poor behavior, especially cheating. Break up with the person or speak to your spouse about either a divorce or the boundaries of the relationship. You have no idea how far reaching the consequences of your actions are and in the end karma is going to catch up with you, and it's gonna hurt...a lot.
"marrying for love is for the newer generations" -- you know, i'd never thought about that. but i think you're right. i wonder what that means with regards to our divorce rate. my conclusion is that humans are promiscuous and people should stop trying to pretend otherwise.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I don't want to make any assumptions on what you meant by that conclusion so I'll just say, I'd highly recommend reading The Red Queen by Matt Ridley if you haven't already. A lot of interesting points on the evolution of human sexuality but he provides an array of scientific knowledge and theories rather than just giving evidence for one sole aspect or argument.
@Guteman91 - you know, i don't really read, so i say this quite infrequently--but it sounds like an interesting book. i looked it up...has there been an update since it was written in 1993? cause 20 years is a loooong time in the world of research.
as far as the conclusion i drew, that was just the immediate logical conclusion that came to my mind at the time i read the post (which is the case for 99% of comments i write). i have other reasons to support what i said, too. i wouldn't make such a claim if i didn't have more evidence to support it, haha.
We are built for procreation. The woman tried to stay with a man to have protection against predators. Our mate going off and baring offspring with another woman, lessens our chance for protection/survival. Then the woman will go off and get another man to protect her and her children while bearing children with that man so he will stay. Or she may stray to get more protection for her and her children. Men try and spread their seed so their genetics stay alive. Survival of the fittest. We are not known for life mating, like penguins. Its just our instincts. Monogamy is not instinctual, if you ask me. Wanting protection is. Men protect woman and their offspring so their genetics can be passed on. Woman try and keep their protectors so they can survive. Just how I see it.
I think men and women would like to have one, true love. Just because there is inclination to have sex with certain people does not override that over-arching desire. I know many couples who have stayed faithful to one another for several years..and they are happier than the single, promiscuous people I know.
...It is not all explained through material cause and effect. Humans are more complex than that. They have desires--both noble and bad. And some follow the noble desires before the bad.
cheating is definitely avoidable. you have a choice to do it or not and some people choose to do it and ruin their relationships with others.
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I don't think that cheating rates have changed a whole lot in history, actually. I think just as many people cheat now as did then, except that women today are more able to leave the guy and provide for themselves, so they don't have to stay.
I also think that marrying for love has been around for a lot longer than people think, except for upper class- and sometimes even then. But just because you marry for affection doesn't mean you won't cheat, especially in an era where it's expected.
It's not natural. Not everyone has those drives. What is natural is wanting to be with someone. Cheating is more likely if it's not a "soul mate" connection and you go and meet someone with a stronger connection.