Friday, 02 December 2011
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How Do I Get Over the Father of My Son?
I just broke off a 6 year relationship with my husband and the father of my son. Throughout the relationship, he continuously cheated on me and cared more about being out with his friends than his family.
Every time he would do something, we would break up and when we got back together, he would be good for a little while and then it would all start again. This last time it hadn't even been a month and he was already telling another girl he loved her and made her his girlfriend. It's hard to deal with him after all the hurt he caused me but he is still the father of my son and it still hurts!
What should I do?
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- From: GIGI
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Comments (18)
*sigh* I wish I could tell you how, let me know if you find out :-\
-hugs- I'm so sorry you have to experience this. All I can suggest is to focus all your love on your child. Remember that your love for him is greater than anything you will ever experience, and that by breaking off your relationship with your husband, you've ensured that your child won't have to go through that same pain. You did the right thing for yourself and your child. Let that comfort you.
When you find someone a thousand times more faithful and loving, hopefully you'll be ready then.
I wish you the best!
May
that sounds heartbreaking :( i wish i had an answer for you. us girls are just like that... we become attached and when that happens it's hard to let go
You did the right thing. He has already proven to you that he cannot change for you or his child. He continued his behavior and show no signs of changing at all or wanting to get help to fix his ways, so he can save his family. You and your child is not his priority (right now) and that's the sad part that you have to realized. He still want to go out there and live life as if he's single and has no responsibilities to uphold. It'll hurt now, but you'll be glad you dumped him later on. You and your child deserve to be loved and respected. If not by him, I'm sure another will gladly take his place. As of right now, get your own place (if not already). Discuss about your child. Who will be the primary care for him? Where will he reside? Will your ex-husband financially contribute to raise your child? What will be the schedule be for visitations? etc. It's VERY important to discuss this upfront, so both parties will understand. If he refuse, you may want to consider filing for child support and/or custody of your child. It's a difficult time especially bc you two have a child together, but you need to do what's best for you AND your child. You'll be okay. Hang in there.
wow, u just said my personal story. i guess im not the only one with an immature husband. my husband left me with our 1 year old daughter to hang out with his friends, that he just met! weve been together for 5 years and during that time i would always catch him talking to girls online and other b.s its been a month that he left but i wrote up a separation agreement, u can find them online. It still hurts that he left but little by little ive come to accept that he doesnt deserve me nor his child. I cant keep letting him break my heart because I need my entire heart in order to give it to my child. Today i went to enroll back in school and have started painting n reading quotes online to make me feel like i have some selfworth. stay strong, cuz women are stronger than any jerk out there. Its their loss, not ours. Love your child and personally, I just pray to God to give me strength n to fill my heart with His love. By the time my husband wakes up from his stupidity, i will be a divorced single graduate! good luck <3
realize all the shit he caused you and how much he hurt you. it'll make you hate him, but it will help you move on.
Sweetheart. I agree with others that you did the right thing. Have you watched the movie called "The Joy Luck Club"? I strongly encourage you to watch it with your girlfriends. It is about stories of 4 women across 3 generations of ups and downs and lowest points of their lives, but they never give up hope.
I don't know about your husband,
But the only thing I would say is never give up hope to your son, to your family, your friends that care about you. And initiate and look for help if you need to, don't suffocate yourself.
*hugs*
One day at a time, hon. You just take it one day at a time. If I may make a small suggestion: try to maintain some sort of decent relationship with him. I mean, you may hate his guts but you are right, he's still the father of your son. Eventually you'll find someone else who treats you as you should be treated and who will be a good role model for your son. But I'm suggesting keeping on decent terms with him, if possible, because eventually your son is going to want to get to know his dad. You don't want to give the father any reason to make YOU out to be the bad guy. I'm sure your son is going to grow up to be a fine man and he'll be able to see for himself what sort of person his father is. And you never know, in the future, he may be a different person. I know of a man who was raised only by his father and never met his mom until he was 15. His father never said a bad word about his mom but as the man got to know her he realized why his parents didn't stay together. It turned out she was a crack-head alcoholic who'd sleep with any guy just to score. But he always respected his father for not saying anything bad about his mother, even though she clearly deserved it. It gave him the opportunity to get to know his mother without having a jaded opinion of her before hand. Good luck and remember that time heals wounds.
He'll always be in your life because of your kid, so you'll never have a clean break.
Sounds like you need a little vacation, a change of scenery.
So sorry. *Hugs* They aren't kidding when they say time heals all. And your son will help you too. It sounds like you are an amazing mother and by standing up for yourself you're already setting a wonderful example for your little boy. Take care. <3
Perhaps this advice is out of place; I sincerely hope it isn't,
First, don't see your son as your husband in that you take your anger out on him when you do get angry; I had a neighbor once who was divorced from her husband and she had a little girl and they were living alone, after work she would come home drunk and beat the little girl; blaming her for what the husband did. Second: Teach your son to respect Women. Third:Teach your son that a REAL Man doesn't strike a woman, doesn't say, I love you unless he means it, and that it's not ok to Cheat; Tell your son that there are still real men out there and that you hope that ,when he grows up, that he will have enough sense to join their ranks and be one of them. Fourth; (this is optional) Wait until your child is grown before dating again;This is probably the hardest part, but it can avoid a lot of problems in the future. Fifth: Forget that SORRY ASS of what called itself a husband and get on with your life and that of your son; If your ex keeps going with his lifestyle he will end up a lonely old man dying in some retirement home being cared for by people who are being paid for the care they are giving him; and don't give a flip about him otherwise.
Sincerely
A Man
he can be your son's father but that shouldn't be the reason why you're still hung up on him. you said it yourself, he cheated on you and he doesn't even treat you well, do you think it's going to change in the future?
I don't think your ex-husbands actions will be good for your son to witness as he grows older. Your son will only take after him and although he's the biological father, what kind of a father will he be if he's just going off with other women all the time? What will that entail for your sons future? Think about it. You want what's best for you child, so wouldn't it be wiser to find a better man who will be a better role model for him?
I to had a husband who cheated and put everyone ahead of his family. Unlike you I stayed thinking the two of us constantly bickering etc was still better then my son having to share us from different locations...WRONG. My son is now grown and he recently told me he wished his dad and I had ended it long before we did because he saw I wasn't happy, didn't like the arguments (tried to hide them), and knew his dad mostly absent. It hurts like hell now girl but in time it will get easier. You did the right thing for your child. The only advice I can give you is to not keep him from your child...you will regret it later on. I would also like to add that he never truly loved you or he wouldn't have cheated. My ex til this day maintains he loved me and that my dear is bullshit because love doesn't hurt! May I also suggest you find things to do to (friends, hobbies etc) keep your mind off of your ex? It will help with the transition trust me! All the best and keep a stiff upper lip :)
i couldn't say it any better than the previous comments. So all I can say is goodluck! Love your child and forget the man. You have a lot of supporters. Hugs and kisses.
I'm sorry you and your son had to experience such behavior. But I think you did the right thing. Rather than staying together to make it work for your child, your child will grow up better living with a parent who is building a positive life for herself and offspring. You cannot wait for his father to change for his family, he has already failed in that department and there's no point in sticking around to see how much worse he can get. He'll always be a part of your life because you have a child together, but that's it. Move on for yourself and your son, I'm not just talking about finding another partner, I'm also talking about focusing on you and your child and the best way to go forward from here. Your son is your top priority now, his happiness, health, and wellbeing, as well as your own are more than enough to help you get over your ex as soon as you emerse yourself in those areas.
I am so sad for you. Let yourself be upset and lonely, but know that you are SO MUCH better off. In the long term (starting sooner than you probably think), you will be much happier as well. Know that how you feel now is TEMPORARY and the payoff is well worth it. Be strong for yourself and your son. I wish you lots of luck. <3
@Mouster@xanga - You make a really good point about not deflecting resentment from her babydaddy to her son. I had a cousin who looked just like her dad, who had been extremely physically abusive to her mother in the past. My cousin's mother would treat her horribly compared to her sister (who was almost nothing like their father). I cannot imagine a more unfair situation.
I do not agree with the author waiting to date others. She has every right to be happy, and if she finds a good man he can be a wonderful rolemodel for her son. That said, the child should ALWAYS come first.