Tuesday, 29 November 2011
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Confession: I'm a Neurotic Mess
It's hard to admit that...though in the same breath, not hard at all. What's hard is when you're continuously told by your boyfriend that you're a neurotic mess. Yes, thank you, I KNOW. It's not like I try to be, it's just how it is. Let me elaborate.
It all started when I was younger. I remember very clearly going into the hospital when I was about 6 to have an operation on a double hernia I had. I don't remember it hurting (the hernia itself) but I do remember throwing up violently after coming out from under the knife: Not something I enjoyed. After that, I loathed throwing up. I loathed any pain that may potentially result in me going to the hospital and I avoided getting sick at all costs. I have never broken a bone. I have never been back to the hospital for myself. And there has only been one time recently that I have been so sick that I've been down and out.
As a result of all this hating and avoiding, any ounce of pain I feel scares me to pieces. I absolutely do not mind going to the doctor or the dentist and in fact have very little fear of them in their own respects. The problem I run into is the fear of them telling me something is drastically wrong: cancer, internal hernia, infertility, any number of things. I know what you must be thinking or saying...if I went to the doctor I wouldn't have to worry about these things. If I went to the doctor every time I worried about stuff like this they would have a cot for me in a psychiatric ward.
I'm a weird dichotomy. I wouldn't consider myself a germ-a-phobe: I get dirty, I don't continuously wash my hands, and I don't mind touching other people or things (unless it's the stomach bug...in which case for the love of God don't come near me!). It's just when I start to not feel right I panic. I don't mean to be neurotic and I know that I'm not only neurotic about feeling weird, I just can't help it. It's the way I am. On the plus side, I am a lot better than I used to be! Believe it or not. You would not have wanted to know me when I was younger.
I guess all I'm saying is that I'm aware of when I'm being neurotic (for the most part). I know I have weird thoughts about pains in my body, that I can get scared easily, and that I tend to think the worst about certain situations. Yelling at me or getting frustrated isn't going to change that. Or telling me that you don't want to do things with me because of my neurosis. If anything that makes it worse because now I get to think about new issues that have popped up: are you lying to me about why you don't want to do that? Perhaps if I changed my lifestyle we could do this. I'm trying to be better. It's just not always easy for me.
What types of neurosis do you have
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- From: LoveL@lovelyish
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Comments (8)
If you are aware of your troubles, why not commit to making some changes and growing into a new un-neurotic self?
Neurosis is a broad category. I think it's best if you go see a psychiatrist/psychologist to receive a prognosis on your condition. It might be an agliophobia (fear of pain) or hypochondriasis (fear of illnesses). My best advice that I can give you is to go seek a professional, who may be able to help you get over your anxiety/fears. Recommended treatments are CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and Systematic Desensitization.
@kev1nccho1@xanga - I couldn't agree more with this.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - @kev1nccho1@xanga - @homealivein45@xanga -
Been there, done that, got help. :) Woohoo to being better! It's just still a struggle to overcome. I'm anxiety ridden... Yay! My point was that it doesn't help to have the boyfriend constantly nagging you about it. Somehow (as I reread this) that got lost..... Hmmm.....
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What kev1nccho1@xanga said.
You sound a lot like me in many respects. I have OCD and major anxiety issues, and sometimes I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. I'm SO much better than I used to be though, thanks to medication and therapy. But I had a boyfriend that actually broke up with me because he said I was neurotic and it scared him (his exact words). So that little episode added another source of anxiety and neurosis, which was that anything that went wrong or anything that started to remotely feel wrong in a subsequent relationship I immediately blamed on my neurosis even when it wasn't always true.
I am now with someone that has never once called me neurotic and the only time he mentions my obsessive behaviors, it's out of concern for my own wellbeing. It's really really hard to date someone that doesn't understand that about you, and doesn't understand how hurtful it can be when they call you out on it (as though you're trying to act like that, seriously...) I wonder if going to a therapist with your boyfriend might help...it sounds like maybe he isn't aware of what you're really going through or isn't aware of how it affects you when he gets upset with you about it. Best of luck!