Tuesday, 29 November 2011
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Long Distance Relationships: Are They Real?
I've been reading a lot of things on Xanga and seeing a few that catch my eye. Long Distance Relationships.
What does it mean to be in a long distance relationship? Do they work?
Personally, I can say no, they do not work. Back in 2006, I was in a long distance relationship for over a year. I never got to see him until Skype was invented. I hated not being around him all the time. I wished that everyday I could see him but I never got the chance. Did he ever cheat? Who knows. If so, I never heard about it.
There are no pro's to being in that type of relationship. I wish I could say there was. What got me going on the subject was reading a "Xanga fight" that was taking place just this evening over one guy and two ladies. I know what you are thinking...he cheated and the girls just found out. I guess you could say that. I noticed them "fighting" and of course, like any Xangan would do, they posted a blog dedicated to one another over the guy. I had to chuckle when reading each one.
I recently had a chat with one young lady involved in this disagreement and she agreed that she loved him and she had met him two or three times. Now, I am no expert, but before moving in with said lover, shouldn't you get to know them a lot more? A lot of men, I can't say all, but at least 75% of men change when it comes to living with their spouse or girlfriend. Why? Because now, you are learning all about your special someone. You know what makes them tick. There are certain things they do that irritate you and there are certain things that YOU do to irritate them.
If you can work past all of that, then it was meant to work. It took my fiance and I over 11 months to really see who each other really was. Yes, there are some things that he does that upsets me or overall angers me. And I am pretty sure I am guilty of doing the same things to him. But, all relationships aren't perfect. And yes, ladies, we all have our imperfections too. For those of you in these long distance relationships, let me ask you something: What keeps things going?
For everyone else, what is your opinion? Do you think they work?
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- From: Writer2009@xanga
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Comments (73)
Any relationship is only as real as the commitment to it.
But I guess people are curious when it comes to things that are new to them and eventually they'll experience it and learn from it. It can't be avoided, we just learn to deal with it.
-Let it hurt you. Walk away. Smile. Forgive. Forget.
Any relationship can work if both parties are willing to make it work by putting in the effort and going the extra mile to make the other happy in the relationship.
LDR are hard, but they aren't impossible. I was dating my ex-husband for three years before we tied the knot. Our relationship was like oversea long distant because he was in the military and he was deployed two times within that three years of us dating each other. If I was lucky, I'll received a call here and there twice a month and then I'll receive two or three emails every other week or so.
We also webcammed through MSN as well - so, I really don't know why you had to wait until Skype was invented to webcam.
I don't think 75% of the men change when it comes to living with their spouse or gf. I think over all, everyone changes or better yet, really get to know their significant other when they are living together. Like I said to my sister-in-law, you really don't know who you marry until you live with them. It's true. Once you live with them, you will see the whole package and not just pieces of that person.
What keeps the relationship going? It vary and it depends on each individual, but for me, it's communication, trust, and love. Cheesy, but it works. Lol.
I really find it hard to believe, I guess I'm just ol' fashion cudlling/kissing type of girlfriend.
I'd be skeptical if the two people had never met. But if or once you have met, and have spent some time together, the relationship is as real as any other, distance or not.
They're obviously real, because many men have maintained marriages despite jobs which require them to be gone more than they're home. Soldiers, sailors, truck drivers, many construction workers... Of course, the distance will test your commitment to the relationship, and some will fail. My marriage has worked over fifteen years despite my trucking which sometimes required me to be gone regularly for weeks at a time.
I am proud to say that I recently got married after spending 2 1/2 years in a long distance relationship & my marriage has lasted longer than Kim Kardashian's! In all seriousness though, I think most LDR's don't work out. We knew each other for 2 years in college before we actually started dating. His job moved him to where he was 3 hours away, and then a year later it moved him to where he was 2000 miles away (a 1 hour bus ride + a 30 minute Metra ride + a 5 1/2 hour plane ride). We talked on the phone every night for 2 or more hours (sometimes less if we were exhausted), emailed during the day, Skyped occasionally, and visited about 4 times a year when he was far away (once a month when he was only 3 hours away). We were both very committed. No guy is going to put forth that much effort into an LDR if he's not serious about it. We did not live with each other prior to marriage, and it really has been a smooth transition. So for all of you LDR hopefuls, It Can Work....IF you both want it to.
I would have said 'no' until I read a comment about LDR, about how you get to know someone, their most personal secrets, every tiny little detail, without sex, or an awkward first date silence etc. I honestly never really thought about it like that.
I can't word it right. Basically, I'd rather see the person I love everyday, I don't think I'd have the strength to date a person I've only met twice or whatever, and who lives on the other side of the world. Best of luck to anyone in a LDR for whatever reasons, if it lasts, that would be an incredibly strong and trusting relationship, plus they'd not take seeing each other for granted, they'd be grateful for every single second.
Also, who is anyone to say that a long distance relationship can't work? A relationship is a relationship, they're all going to have their challenges, but it's always worth it to be with the one you love.
I am currently in a long distance relationship. However, it was not always this way. My boyfriend and I had been dating for around 4 months in the same town before I went off to college. We live 3 hours away from each other now. If anything, the distance has made us more appreciative of the time we have together. We're closer now. I see him usually every other week, on the weekends.
There are a few important elements to a successful long distance relationship. One of them being trust. If you are the jealous type, it won't work. You will be constantly wondering what your s/o is doing back home. The other is commitment. If you are truly committed and in love with the person you are with, you won't be tempted to do things while your s/o can't watch you. This goes both ways. And of course there is the connection. Relationships can range from a crush to true love. A crush or a fling isn't going to have very much of a chance. Minor shared interests or great sex will probably not keep you together. It's going to take deep connected emotions to hold you together.
Right now, me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over 6 months. They say that the first 5 weeks of a long distance relationship are where the breakups tend to happen. We've made it past that mark, and I believe that we'll keep together.So what has all this nonsense added up to? Yes. I believe in Long Distance Relationships. IF the circumstances are right. However, every relationship is different, as every person is different.
SO, is it really fair to generalize at all? I think not(:
I moved away for school a few months ago, after my boyfriend and I had already been together for 6 months. I was the one who was skeptical at first about keeping the relationship going, because my last LDR ended horribly from me being cheated on. However, the more we talked it over and discussed our options, the more we wanted to fight for this and make it work. Admittedly, it really does suck and is nothing close to easy being 2000 miles away from him. We send each other goody boxes, text and call, and he even helps me with homework and studying over skype haha.I believe LDRs can work just like a normal relationship. You both have to have the desire and commitment to make it work, no matter how difficult things get.
I'd say it's different for each couple. I'm in a LDR and it's been working for the past year or so we've been together, but he's planning on moving out here soon. I'll be so happy when this distance thing is over, lol. But it can work if both parties are committed.
They work, distance is nothing. If you have trust and respect then the distance shouldn't be a big issue.
I dont think they work, atleast in my experience. I like having my boyfriend with me and I would think I'd be too sad with him away. I'd be different if my boyfriend now moved, because we've been together for 4 years, but thats a little different.
LDRs are as real as you make them. I'm in one right now. It makes me want to rip out my eyes, tear out my hair and rip out my heart then throw it all away. BUT I find it worth it. (love is crazy, as they say).
Some people can do them, some can't. Some shouldn't, and some do.... But it really depends on what you two want and what you two can make work.They are real, they exsist. Some people have just got burnt by them before, so they stay away. Personal choice.
It depends on the distance, the amount of time apart, and the general circumstances - how long you've known each other, how committed you're both willing and able to be, etc. I got into a LDR with a guy I'd only known about a month, but we were only two hours apart, and spent almost every weekend together. It was still super difficult, and I'd never do it again, but for four months, it did work. It stopped working when we were only a half hour apart, ironically.
While we were together there was a quote that I always kept in
mind that helped a lot: "Contrary to what the cynics say, distance is
not for the fearful; it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing
to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one
they love. It's for those who know a good thing when they see it, even
if they don't see it nearly enough."
I tried it and it didn't work for me. I used to call LDR's "part time relationships" because you never really saw them often enough to say "full time" but enough emails and what not would fill in the gaps. Unless I dated them for a long time, without the distance, and we had to be apart for a little while, then I'd probably look forward to seeing them as my sole keepsake to my sanity. Everytime a hypothetical situation of a LDR is introduced to us (as a couple), my fiance would often say, "no such thing as distance! You'd come with me, right?" :)
I've been with my boyfriend about 3 1/2 years now. The first 11 months or so we were long distance, separated by about a 5 hour car ride. Then I moved near him for grad school and I was out there about 2 years. Now we're back where we started distance wise, and it sucks, but we've come too far and love each other too much to just throw in the towel now. He is working on looking for a job out here, and once we are both employed and making decent money we will be getting an apartment together. LDRs can work, it just takes trust and dedication.
I usually don't comment on posts, but I felt the need to do on this one.
My boyfriend and I dated in high school for a year and a half. I chose to go to a university nine hours away. I never hesitated once in choosing my school based on our relationship. I knew if we wanted it enough we could make it work. To us, distance is not a deal breaker but an inconvenience. That's all it is. We are currently sophomores in college, so we are a year and a half down and two and a half to go. Some days are better than others, but I know that things will work out for the best. It truly does depend on how committed you are to one another. We don't even skype that often, but we text all the time. In February, I am going abroad for four months where I won't have texting. We are still going to keep up the relationship though. One day we're going to get married, and the LDR we are in is only going to make us stronger.
First of all: Personal testimonies are THE WORST examples in the whole wide world. Do not use them to support an argument. It's common sense. What works/doesn't work for you may or may not work for someone else. The end.
Second of all: "If you can work past all of that, then it was meant to work."
I disagree so strongly with this. It's not about being "meant" to be together; it's about having the desire to work through problems and not give up at the first inkling of a problem.So many problems couples experience is based on lack of communication and not wanting to put in the effort to change. Relationships are hard. It isn't about "fate," it's about what you put into the relationship. As a supporting example, not to prove my point, one friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend of 2+ years because "things he did got annoying." So many others do this. Obviously not everyone is worth working through the problems for, but if you want it work then you can make it work. And, eventually, you're going to have to work through problems if you ever want a lasting relationship. It's not about fate.
I have been in a "long distance relationship" for a while. It's absolutely worth it because there is no one else I'd rather share my life with... so any problems we have are just... they just seem trivial. For example, him going abroad next year. Sure, we'll be apart for 3+ months, but I have him in the end. If I know that one day--after working through all the pain of being apart for so long--that we will get to live together and have a life together, then I can handle anything that comes in between now and that point. He's who I want. ... Also, it's ridiculous to insinuate a relationship isn't "real" just because people aren't together 24/7. -_-
Things like this annoy me. What about military families? They have to suffer through long distance when their spouse leaves to go overseas. Obviously long distance relationships are real and they can work. For those that don't make it work, it is up to them.
BUT if you love someone time and distance can be overcome. It's like running a marathon, it's all in your head. If you see yourself to fail, then you most likely will.
Like many others have said, I don't think long distance relationships are impossible. It's true that there are couples who need to see each other everyday but I have read many articles where it states that having the space is actually good for the two involved. But that could be because I, myself am in one and am trying to see the positive lol.
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 and a half years, going from seeing each other everyday in high school to every week in college and now ... Maybe every half year. It sucks ... A lot. Having my roommates complain about distance when theyre like an hour or three hours away from their boyfriends while mine is halfway around the world ... It's really frustrating.
I've been through a lot with him and when he had to move away, neither of us questioned whether the distance would tear us apart. If anything, we worked harder to talk to each other, etc. I actually feel like us being in an LDR is good for both of us because I am able to focus on school and work on being more independent and he is able to focus on work. Of course it's not easy at all but with communication and the willingness to keep the relationship alive as well as knowing that we're both envisioning a future for the both of us, nothing is impossible.
@Rose_Hikari@xanga - Your first paragraph and you last one contradict each other....
LDRs are definitely not for me but I've seen some that worked out beautifully. I don't judge, love how you want.
I'm currently in a LDR. My fiance is in the Air Force at Kadena Air Force Base.
I think that most people give up on LDR's because they aren't easy. But that's how relationships are- you have to work at them && some people just aren't ready for that kind of commitment.
When you know you're meant to be- no amount of distance matters. at all.