Monday, 28 November 2011
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A Love Triangle of Sorts
I am a 26-year-old girl, who just ended a 4+ year long distance relationship. I had checked out of it a while ago, but something happened between my boyfriend & I that was a huge turning point, and I decided to end it. I was unhappy for a long time, and just wanted to be free and make new friends.So now that I am single, I have been making new friends, and yes a few are guys. It's more like a group of friends I have been hanging around with. Very nice people, I get along with them all great. Mostly we all work together as well.
The one guy I had been talking to the most, let's call him Harry, is definitely into me. I figure I am single why not hang out, casually date in a way, nothing serious. It seems like when I talk to him via text, I like him more than in person. Probably sounds strange but, I just dont really have that strong of a vibe with him. He is younger than me, and lives pretty far away for school. Also, he lives with his ex girlfriend. Yeah that all sounds like a mess, huh?
So one of Harry's best friends, we can call him Dave, had been into me before this casual thing with Harry. I was not aware of that. Dave and I have been talking more, and we have a lot more in common. A much stronger connection. I could actually see myself dating Dave more seriously.
I went out with both of them last night, and other friends. It was awkward, because I know they both like me, and in a way I am kinda seeing the one I do not really like that much.
Being such close friends, they have discussed it, and Dave told Harry last night, that he really likes me, in the hopes that maybe Harry would back off.
Dave also told me how much he likes me, and how he discussed it with other friends, and yeah I am totally flattered because I like him too.
I was already planning on letting Harry know I want to just continue on as friends. I have no idea how to do this without seeming like a total jerk. I want to let him know I like his friend Dave as well. But that liking Dave isn't the reason for not really wanting to see him anymore.
I really dont want to hurt their friendship, or be a jerk. I need some advice!
Have any of you been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?
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- From: moondancer
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Comments (9)
Be honest, tell him you like him and value you him as a friend. And that you don't want anything to interfere with that or his friendship with Dave. You could also try speaking to his friends to see the best way to approach him.
Just sit Harry down at a neutral time (alone I suggest) and tell him that you really like Dave and hope to pursue something more with Dave though you hope it won't affect your friendship with Harry or their friendship. Also, apologized if he felt that you were misleading him on, too. That's the most you can do and however he choose to handle it, he will. Besides, Dave had already told him as well, so at least he got to hear from both of you guys and not through the grapevine. You did your part and that's all you can do.
Just tell Harry you have more of a romantic connection with Dave. Don't lead Harry on just so you don't hurt his feelings or friendship. Plus you will just end up looking scandelous dating 2 guys at once. =/
@ShirleyD@xanga - @jeezshoua@xanga - @wyckdstorm@xanga - thank you so much for your input!
I did exactly just that, sat Harry down, let him know how I felt. he was a little pissed, but got over it pretty fast. Apparently Harry was looking for more of a FWB type situation.
Dave is a really nice guy, and we are dating now! Funny how things work sometimes.
They will remain friends of course, so all is well! just wanted to thank you so much for your kind words & encouragement!
This is where I'm at exactly. I'm in a semi-relationship with guy #1 (who lives with his ex girlfriend), i don't find him all that attractive, yet we are amazing friends and can hang out for hours not doing anything and be comfortable doing it. Yet he has a friend, guy #2, who likes me, and who I find very attractive. But for me, I'm looking at the future of these potential relationships. Guy #2 is a player. He is not looking for a relationship, although I believe that the possibility for a relationship is not 0, so there may be a chance. Guy #1 seems like he is ready to settle down, and I think that he believes that I may be a person with whom he could settle down and start a family. I realize that I may be settling a little by choosing someone to whom I'm not so sexual attracted, but I love his personality, we get along great, the sex is good (not as good as #2, but better than my 6-year ex), he is dedicated, sweet, loving, and he never gives up; he is always striving to better himself.
So my suggestion would be to evaluate what it is you want out of a relationship, then decide which of these two guys can better fill that role in your life.lmao
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@moondancer - glad things turned out well. Harry shouldn't be pissed if he just wanted to mess around anyway. "I'm so angry I don't get to fool around with this girl because she wants a legitimate relationship with my friend, grrrrr"
Have honest conversation with each separately, then schedule time for all three of u. Good luck! :