Saturday, 26 November 2011

• Artists: Secret Wizards Here to Steal Our Women?

  

  It just isn't fair.  How am I supposed to compete with guys who possess the power of magic?  And don't you dare try to tell me that making a girl fawn over you with nothing more than the sound of your voice isn't some sort of witchcraft.  That type of effect on women isn't easy to come by for us Muggles.  We've had to put up with your unethical practice of wizardry in our world for far too long.  It's time to expose you for who you are and the damage you've done to our society.

  These are just a few of the guys that made our girlfriends lose their minds, and made us seriously consider taking vocal lessons, signing up for "Hip-Hop Dance for Beginners", and/or buying a ukulele. 

   

  Adam Levine

  
  

  You make music that makes girls want to cry, dance, and sometimes take their clothes off.  But that is nothing compared to your best trick.  You are the cleverest of all the wizards to invade our world for you have made it impossible for any Muggle man to sing your songs and match your vocal pitch.  Adam Levine, you are a wizard genius with the one voice to rule them all.
  

  Ryan Tedder

  
  
  Many people may not know of your earlier music before you went all 'One Republic' on us and started singing about heartbreak and untimely apologies.  Before this, you mastered the art of wooing women by putting into song lyrics and melodies what the rest of us had to accomplish with mere conversation.  It's wizards like you that are the reason why girls eagerly inquire as to whether or not I can sing or play the guitar.  The look in their eyes when they find out I will never be able to serenade them says rejection, times nine and three quarters.

  Usher

  
  

  Your dance magic was so potent that even my mother was cast under your spell.  Anytime she caught me dancing it was always, "Oh! If you keep practicing you might be as good as Usher one day!"  Seriously?  Not only did you raise the bar for dancing to impress girls my own age, but you had to raise the bar for my own mother?!  You sir, are one greedy wizard.
  

  Jason Mraz

  
  

  Look at you, you pretentious wizard.  You're so, "Hey look at me! I can play a guitar that looks like a toy and still make it look cooler than anything you can do."  I have never received such a blatant metaphorical slap to the face than what you did with this song.  You will pay for this one.  Sleep well, Jason Mraz.  Don't let the Dementors bite. 
  (I know this video isn't of Jason Mraz, but it just goes to show how powerful these young wizards are getting that they don't even need to make sense to still look cooler than I ever will)

  Bruno Mars

  
  

  Wow.  Just, wow.  What else can I even say?  I'd catch a grenade for you ... I'd jump in front of a train for you ... Take a bullet straight through my brain?  I didn't realize you guys were getting so desperate that you had to pull out these tricks.  I must say though, the Hogwarts graduating class of 2011 is going to be a tough one to top.  And it's got to be hard impressing those Slytherin chicks nowadays, huh?  You win, man.  You win.  How do I even compete with death defying feats of love anyway?

  What other wizards have you seen stealing our women?  Are these actually wizards who are stealing our women or is it my Harry Potter references that scare them away?

  Image Source

  • 2:00 PM
  • 2737 Views
  • 28 eProps
  • 20 Comments