Friday, 25 November 2011
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How Soon is Too Soon to Say I Love You?
Love is a beautiful thing. There are songs, books and movies, among other things, dedicated to this exact topic. I, like most females, have had my share of upsets, heartbreaks and less than desirable situations with the opposite sex. I was single and lonely for roughly a year and a half. I actually mentally prepared myself to be okay with the fact of not getting married because I really wasn't sure if it was going to happen for me-I'm still not. It probably didn't help that in the midst of all this my sister got engaged and has been planning her wedding. Oh, the irony.
I started dating my boyfriend about three months ago. We've known each other for a while but lost contact throughout the years. We reconnected on Facebook and then twitter. Since there were no more social networking sites to chat on, we exchanged phone numbers and made plans to get together. Our first date was not long after that. There was an instantaneous attraction, connection and chemistry. It was something I don't remember the last time-if ever- I felt it. The fact that it was happening on our first date meant something to me.
I knew that this man was not only special - but a keeper as well. Everything in our relationship after that moved very quickly. Our birthdays happen to fall within a week of each other and it just so happened that my birthday was a week after our first date. Needless to say, we went out for each other's birthday and spent all of our free time together after that. We couldn't (and still can't) get enough of each other. After about three weeks, our feelings were so strong so fast that we knew it was different. He said the L word first and it has never meant more both saying it and hearing it- yes, I said it back the same night.
I was hesitant to tell my family and friends at first because I knew I was going to hear "how long has it been?" and "be careful". They were thoughts that I already had and didn't care about. My feelings were all that mattered to me. I'm a big girl and I didn't feel like defending myself and my relationship so soon. I knew what I was doing and I think he did to. We're old enough to trust our feelings and go with it. The intensity of our feelings were so strong in such a short period of time that we knew it had to count for something.
So my question is.. how soon is too soon to say I love you? I, personally, don't regret my decision but I can see the opposite end of it too. I feel like I was single long enough to know what I want and what I don't and gain enough self-respect to know my worth- and he fully understands and respects that. What more could I ask for? I've been in other relationships before and have never felt the things I felt and still am feeling.
This is ..different - in a scary way. In a I-don't-want-to-talk-about-the-future-because-there-might-be-one kinda way. Isn't that weird? At first I was prepping myself to be okay with not getting married and now I'm too psyched out to think about it. I'm trying to be smart about the whole thing too and not get ahead of myself because I know the beginning is always bliss. We're three months in though and I still get the butterflies and feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I know I sound like a babbling girl in love but I am! Now I really know what all those songs and books and movies are talking about!
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About the Author
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- From: nycgirl
- Name: nycgirl
- About Me: nyc born & raised. virgo. believer in fate & destiny & that love conquers all.
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Comments (32)
I don't think there's really a 'too soon', everyone is different and every relationship is different. My ex and I felt so strongly about each other before we dated that we said I love you at the beginning of our first date. We still are madly in love with each other even though we aren't together, which sounds contradictory, but we just can't do the distance or the differences. (Or, I should say, he can't do the distance and I can't deal with his lack of commitment.) But I still love everything about him and would take him back in a heart beat. Other people take years to say I love you, because it just doesn't feel right then. Whenever it's right, it's right.
Good for your relationship, I hope it keeps going strong. :)
when you have to think twice about it
Up to you. Just know that couples don't always get there at the same time and that's fine.
How about when you feel like you mean it?
My boyfriend said he loved me after a month of dating. Which is way more than anything I've ever had in a relationship. (last relationship was a year with no I love you's) I haven't said it back, not because I don't feel strongly for him, it's just I'm not ready to jump in that boat. It's not something that is easy for me to say.
My bestfriend said it best.
Whenever you feel it, you'll be ready to say it. It's never too soon to say i love you.
When you're in love, you're in love and there is no question about it! =D I wish you the best!!
I waited about six months after falling in love with him to tell him I loved him. It was worth the wait.
Love means a different meaning for everyone. I can't stand when some people say, 'oh they're too young to love.' or.. 'how can they love each other so soon?' Well- everyone has a different view & feeling about love. I, personally, feel as if there shouldn't be an age limit on love, or a time limit. It's all BS. I've been dating my boyfriend for three months now as well, but we dated 7 months before & went through a rough break up. When we dated the very first time we said I love you to each other in less than just three days. He made me feel a whole. I'm sixteen, and he is seventeen. Yeah, I'm probably setting me up to hear people complain about our ages. Haha. But to answer your question, it's NEVER too soon to say I love you!
my boyfriend told me within two months, but i didnt say it back for a few. It sounds weird but we just kinda instantly fell for eachother. We've been together a year and two months now and are quite happy and in love :)
I believe that if you've known the person for a a few years, there's no "too soon" for saying the L word. My fiance and I knew each other and were friends for about 2 years before we started dating. When we started dating, it seemed like we were moving fast and it wasn't too long when we said "I love you". It seemed fine to us though, probably because we had known each other previous to dating.
I had the same question (and a VERY similar situation actually..) so it's great to see this posted. I've been seeing my guy for a little over a month now after nearly two years of being single. I can't believe how quickly I've fallen for him and the feeling just gets more intense with each time. I don't think I'm going to say it yet, though. That's not something I've ever said before, to anyone (in a romantic sense), and I'm 21.
If you feel like you love someone, tell them, but...be prepared for them to get scared if it's early on. I've had people tell me they love me after knowing them a week and...well, I ran. I mean, we barely knew each other and to me, saying I love you too early can really be a sign that they're going to be possessive and a bit clingy...which, hey presto, he was, because he wouldn't leave me alone for ages after we broke up -__-.
My boyfriend told me he loved me after two months. I said it back, although usually two months in is two fast for me. If he hadn't said it I wouldn't have said it until at least a couple more months even though I loved him, just because I tend to move pretty slowly in relationships.
We've been together for a year and two months now.
my boyfriend told me within two months, but i
didnt say it back for a few. It sounds weird but we just kinda
instantly fell for eachother. We've been together a year and two months
now and are quite happy and in love :)
Never if your feelings are true.
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If you know you love him, then why wait on telling him?
There is no textbook "too soon". I do think you should be careful about moving to quickly but honestly, I don't have room to talk. My husband told me he loved me after a couple of weeks and I said it back. We both felt it and we were both very connected - I call it love at first sight, TBH - so we rolled with it. Risky? Yes. But 5 years later and we're both still very much in love, happily married, and have a wonderful baby boy together.
Never too soon as long as it's real.
My stories the same as yours. Friends in high school, lost contact for awhile, reconnected, went out for a three weeks, and said the L word.
I would have said it earlier but he was actually on a trip.
I too had planned to be single my entire life. I was scared and always wary of a new future with him.
Five years later, we're getting married and we have no doubt we're gonna be great together.
Good luck with your relationship.
My new philosophy on this, which is drastically different from only a month ago.
When you're on your death bed, and they've spent the last ten, twenty, fifty years with you, never had an affair, and always made sure you had plenty of yogurt in the fridge.... then you say I love you. Preferably as your last words, just in case something changes before you go.
Heh.
We have been married for 33 years. I knew right away he was different. I knew I was in love within two months of dating. Others may not know, but we did. There have been times in our married life when I thought that we had married much too quickly..after 8 months. But, now in our 34th year, we have never been closer or pulling together as a team. Sure, he has disappointed me big time in the past and surely I have done the same, but we will be together til we die. I'm sure of it.
You will know the best time to say you love him.. There are no rules except not on the first date..
Take your time to get to know him. Nearly everyone looks pretty good the first couple of months. Eventually, you will find out if he is the right one for you.
And, enjoy this wonderful love period!!
it's always too soon.
I'll go ahead and be he evil guy and say there is a too soon and there is such a thing as being too young to love. I don't mean to be the villager that shunned cupid's arrow, but everyone remembers their first love and their first love lost. I don't believe you said it too early though; only you can know if you're ready. \
Now the idea of you being too young, I don't know. I haven't been dating for about two years because of work and how much travel I have to do. A few months ago, I went out with this girl and I fell heads over heels for her, but I never said I love her and honestly, I don't think I ever did; I just enjoyed the intimate company of a girl. It's up to you to decide if you're in love with him because of the loneliness of the past year or do you genuinely love him. In your mind, what about him annoys you that you won't be able to overlook past the romance stage? The girl I dated, I can't look past how egocentric she was.
I think it depends on the relationship. I don't think anyone is too young to say it, but I do think sometimes that too soon can move it along a little too quickly (as was the case in my past couple of relationships), and can cause issues later. Once those words are uttered, you can't take them back, and it can move the relationship along faster than you are ready, or before you know the positive AND negatives of each other (I know in the first few months it always seems rosy... I think that's why people might say you don't really know a person that well if you say you love them early on). However, that's not to say that yours isn't different! Especially if you two knew each other before. Good luck and don't forget to enjoy what it is right now :)
I'm dealing with figuring out this question right now. I started dating my best friend about 2 weeks ago. I've said "I love you" to him before... in a strictly platonic way. He was (and still is) my best friend, after all. But obviously now its different. I still love him the same way I did, but I know I can't say the L word now until I'm sure I love him in a romantic way as well. Its really weird and confusing. With my ex, we said it within a few days of starting our relationship, and we both meant it. It was one of those "fall hard, fall fast" situations. I don't regret saying it so soon then, but there is no way I would say it so soon now. Basically, what my anecdotes are getting at is that its different for everyone, every couple, every situation. When it feels right for you, you say it. If it doesn't feel right, then don't.