Friday, 25 November 2011
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Does the "Ideal Woman" Exist?
I feel like men these days have an ideal in their head of the "perfect" woman. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think it goes something along the lines of ..someone who's "hot" (and let's not forget after children, she has to look like a MILF), cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids, independent, just to name a few. Not only is this an ideal for men but I believe that this has become an ideal that some women strive for without even realizing it. I'm sick of men talking about how hard it is to find a woman like this because they're leaving out a huge aspect of it. Men, be prepared for a rude awakening.I'm sure that everyone was brought up differently. I believe that a lot of men have this ideal in their head because they saw something like it while they were growing up. They most likely saw their mother or a mother raising children, cooking and cleaning all day all the while keeping up with themselves for their husband. What a lot of men don't realize though is that this "ideal" woman that they idolize or they saw growing up didn't work for a living! In my generation, a lot of what I saw growing up were exactly that - HOUSEWIVES.
A lot of our parents or grandparents were women who didn't work, cooked, cleaned, took care of the kids, paid all the bills and took care of the financial aspect of the household with the money that their husband made. This is simply not the case anymore. Let's be realistic- one income is no longer sufficient to be able to live comfortably. Heck, if I could stay home and rely on my future husband's income, I would have no problem cooking and cleaning, taking care of children and maintaining the household but I'm simply too tired to do that after an eight hour day of work- sometimes longer.
Also, in this economy it's so hard to have a job, nevermind make a sufficient income. So what men are finding are either gold-diggers who fit certain ideals (but not without a price
) or women who are independent and work but don't cook/clean, etc. simply because it's too much. Also, what about the women who are still in school and working full time? There are so many factors that go into reasons as to why our society has changed and woman don't have the same standards and ideals as our parents and grandparents did.I keep hearing men who meet women and are never satisfied because one factor is missing out of the things I mentioned. There is always "something" missing. That something is missing for a reason, and a big one at that - work, school, our economy, our society ..look at the world around you. I'm sick of men not considering a woman a "real" woman simply because she doesn't cook or clean, etc. Look at what else she does because chances are she's holding her own. Also, back then woman relied on men much more. Our society has changed so much that women are way more independent and in some relationships make more than their man. It's really something to think about.
So men, I have news for you. It's time to conform to the times. This is no longer the 60's, 80's, or even 90's. If a housewife is what you want then you better have a good enough job to fulfill this "ideal woman" in your head. If not, be prepared to chip in 50/50. It's called a partnership for a reason.
So I ask Datingish readers ..do you agree with this defense on women's behalf? How many women do you know that still fit into that "housewife" role? What do you consider the "ideal woman"?
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About the Author
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- From: nycgirl
- Name: nycgirl
- About Me: nyc born & raised. virgo. believer in fate & destiny & that love conquers all.
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Comments (95)
I didn't even have to read the post to give you an answer.
Every guy has a different grasp of what "ideal" is. Not all men want a woman who just cleans, cooks and have sex all day. And not all men want a full independent woman either. Instead of focusing on what men want in a woman so you can conform to what "they would like", try to work on your qualities and find a man who you can enjoy spending your time with and treats you with respect. No two men or women are the same, so stop worrying about what "men" want.
The ideal woman may not exist but I know for a fact the ideal man does. Sadly for the rest of the world he's taken by me and I refuse to let him go =D
I agree with laytex but also, one income is definitely sufficient if he has a well paying job. I don't work at the moment since I just moved to be with my boyfriend, but his income is more than enough to support both of us while still having a generous savings account for rough times. This doesn't mean I don't intend on working, I definitely want to, but since I've been here he hasn't had a struggle keeping up with the bills himself. I'm very thankful for that but I do want to say that it isn't accurate to say that one person can't support a family. I also agree with the above that ideal women are different by every man's standards. I know for me, all my boyfriend asks of an ideal woman is to be someone who shares the same values, loves him, and takes care of herself. It doesn't mean I have to be a twig (I'm far from it) but it does mean to eat well enough to where we're both decently healthy. Every guy is different and putting them all into the same basket is really unfair, this being from a woman's perspective. We hate it when they do it to us, why do it to them? I definitely respect women who go to school, work and keep up house (I've met a couple) but yeah, that's definitely not something that should be expected of anyone. Relationships are about 50/50 imo. If you want her to work, expect to help with the house. If you want her home, expect to make her comfortable while doing so imo.
Ideality depends on the person being asked.
"women who are independent and work but don't cook/clean, etc. simply because it's too much."
The only time it's ever "too much" to cook/clean is if you're lazy, disabled or have a family... in which case, if you have a family, you'd probably be splitting the responsibilities. Guys know this as well as girls do. (We're lazy most of the time
"So men, I have news for you. It's time to conform to the times. This is no longer the 60's, 80's, or even 90's. If a housewife is what you want then you better have a good enough job to fulfill this "ideal woman" in your head. If not, be prepared to chip in 50/50. It's called a partnership for a reason. "
There's nothing wrong with being a SAHM any more than there is anything wrong with being a career woman.
I'm not sure what part of this post was a "defense". Seemed like a bunch of one-sided whining to me.
yep!!! sure does!!! in each and everyone of yer wemons twisted minds lol... fer us dudes, all we care about is warmth and a heart beat..
@FuhkAwf@xanga - awww, so cute. :)
Yeah, I didn't read what you wrote, but the answer is it depends. It depends on perspective. There is no universal ideal woman.
Well I can happily tell you that not all men are like this. Perhaps most are, but as for me my ideal woman is not one that is "Hot" but more along the lines of "Beautiful". What I mean is when you look at someone with you heart and you can tell that that person is the real deal. She doesn't have to cook clean or be intelligent. She just has to be the one to fill the void in my heart. That sounds corny and it may not make sense, but love was never meant to make sense I guess lol.
@mtk101@xanga - lol see.. warmth and a heartbeat.. everything else is negotiable ...
@QuantumStorm@xanga - "The only time it's ever "too much" to
cook/clean is if you're lazy, disabled or have a family... in which
case, if you have a family, you'd probably be splitting the
responsibilities. Guys know this as well as girls do. (We're lazy most
of the time )"
Unfortunately, men are not keeping up their part in splitting responsibilities at home in the real world. Women either have to nag the man to death or some other way force him into doing something around the house or she gives up and does it all. That includes women who work full time jobs. Granted I know a stay-at-home dad or two and even a working dad or two who does dishes or laundry, but the fact remains whether a woman has a job or family or not... women are still doing the majority of the housework. Yes, there's a guy here or there that seems to do more housework but IME that is rare. I could tell you story after story after story of men not doing their job at home. But I only know of one or two women who don't clean house when they should.
That is part of why my marriage failed. He expected me to work full time, do all the cleaning, do all the cooking, take full care of our daughter and maybe he'd help out with some laundry sometimes, but only because it required a trip to the laundry. On occasion, he might sweep or mop and I believe he did the dishes less than ten times in over 15 years. The only thing he did at home was take out the garbage and worry about the cars. All other worries/issues/cleaning were mine. That's not being a wife, that's being a slave. He sat on the couch watching television as I did it all. That got old.
Men need to be in control. Women found a way to get equal rights under the law and men will find a way to exploit it. Men are doing good now... they've got their independent women providing for the family and still doing all the female roles in the room. Men don't have to be men anymore, but women have to be Super Women. Sad. :(
Rare is the man who thinks of marriage and imagines doing the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. But every woman knows that's what she'd heading into during marriage.
No, the ideal woman doesn't exist for anyone. For one, we all have a different definition of ideal. For two, nobody is perfect. This is why I've taken a vow to singleness. After reading women's comments here from what they expect out of men, I don't want anything to do with dating those disgusting creatures.
There's always hookers if I need/want sex, so what do I need a wife for?
i think modern women really do feel a pressure that they have to do everything. they have to be hot, they have to be incredibly successful, they also have to be domestic goddesses. you know, the sexy girl who will both beat your ass at modern warfare and cook you an amazing dinner after she's come home from work as an investment banker.
i feel like men and women should both be able to take care of themselves and clean up after themselves. if a man doesn't want to play by gender roles and pay for a woman's dinner, he really oughtn't expect to home home to a hot meal cooked by her every night either. when you do away with gender roles, it swings both ways.
I agree with both what @TiredSoVeryTired@xanga & @haltija@xanga have stated. I currently live with my fiance and he does most of the cooking at our place, while I clean: laundry, apartment, garbage, bathroom, and every now and then, I'd cook something that we're having cravings for. That being said, I think what we (as women) need to understand is... that we can't do all of it. And we shouldn't have to. When I was growing up, my mom was with me and my brother before we went to school and when we came home. She took care of the house, us, my dad, all the time. My dad is the "super old school traditional" Korean man that only does the dishes or cook noodles when my mom is NOT in the country OR if she's really ill and I'm not home to do it. Maybe it is due to my parents being old fashioned, but my mom scolds me when I try to explain to her that my fiance cooking most of our meals doesnt always mean I should be doing all the cleaning and the washing. It really wouldn't KILL him to run the vacuum through our small apartment space instead of playing video games when he comes home from work. I would like to join him as well, but while he's on his butt watching something equally stupid or playing a game, I'm running the vacuum, doing laundry and wiping the washroom down because I have to. If I don't, who will?
I love my fiance and although, we do have "talks" to explicate my situation, I have explained to him that once we start a family and move into a bigger living space, this current arrangement will not work. Unless, he's going to make enough $$ to take home, still be part of the family with our children and "chores", I can't do everything, simply because he makes dinner every day. Eventually, that will come to an end, once we start having kids, wouldn't it? -_-; And seeing how much I HATE him just sitting there, completely tranced with the game while I'm cleaning, I often kick him out so that I can do it in peace. Nothing ticks me off more than a man sitting on his butt while I'm cleaning. It just looks like I'm a slave! ARGH
About the entry: There is no universal ideal for a woman OR a man. The times changing and our continuous entries/comments on this site alone should demonstrate that definition of an ideal is solely dependent on the seeker.
@kor_girl@xanga - I understand exactly what you are saying. I doubt he will change once you get married and have children. Men promise up the wazoo they will help once you are "doing" more, but IME they never do. No woman should have to hound their husband to help out in the home. Men should just realize that women are not actually on the planet just to take care of men's personal needs.
Good luck to you!! I've seen a few guys who catch on, but most don't. Hopefully yours will. :)
@StatelessPilot@revelife - You're gonna get mouth herpes and throat cancer from those hookers!
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - I'm not into oral. Intercourse or nothing for me.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - Certainly don't kiss them either! Don't treat them like people, just objects.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - So you get oral but you want give it? I mean... what guy doesnt like oral?
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - I treat all people like objects. That's pretty much all other people are to me: random inanimate objects, and aren't worth much more than that in my eyes. I have more of a connection with animals/pets than people.
Seriously, I jokingly say I'm married to my work, which although I say that jokingly, there's an element of truth to that. I love what I do (lots of time off, not-so-terrible pay, and I it doesn't really feel like work since I enjoy flying).
@tomuch2askfor@xanga - My penis doesn't belong in someone's mouth. Genitals DO NOT belong in the mouth. Period.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - What about genitals on the tongue, is that okay? You don't sound like much fun actually.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - I will admit, I'm a bit of a prude. I'm of the belief that the genitals don't belong anywhere other than where they were designed by nature to go. HJs I could do, but not oral, anal, or anything like that.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - your ability to only treat other people as only inanimate objects is a serious problem. do you not plan on falling in love? having children? or even friends? You must live a very lonely life if the only company you have is a goldfish.
I think I like you more just from the fact you dont like oral sex. it feels amazing... but its grosss. I've never met a guy who doesnt like it till now.