Wednesday, 23 November 2011
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Accepting Singlehood
I believe it was difficult for me to accept being single mostly because it had already taken me so long to accept not being single in the first place. And of course admitting this to myself would mean taking some responsibility and learning something from it all, which I was too hurt and pissed to do at the time.
After months of making bad choices for rebounds, feeling like I just couldn't be "totally" alone all the time I've figured out what I needed to realize to snap out of this awful funk of neediness. I have not met the right person yet at this point in my life, and I need to stop trying to fill the spot with people I already know and who are no good for me. The right person will be a one in a million nearly perfect match for me and he can't be just any guy that comes around.
I decided I want to wait for that guy who is too good to be true even if it takes years and years. Anything less than pure love is not worth the trouble. I'd rather put my focus on my own life and if something amazing comes along why wouldn't there be room for it if it truly is so great for me?
Being proudly single doesn't have to mean there's something wrong with you, it can mean you are patiently waiting for a true love.
Thoughts?
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- From: Tiffany_etc
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Comments (28)
Thanks for posting this... I'm newly single and its scares me. Probably because I had a big gap in between the last two relationships and I have to kind figure out what it means to be single again. I enjoyed being in a relationship so its hard to adjust back. But your post has helped me believe, its going to be okay and there is nothing wrong with me.
That's exactly what it means, besides you don't have to be with someone or in a relatioship to be happy, there's so much in life to enjoy while you're single. Travelling, going out with friends and family, all you need is to dicover the wonderful World of singlehood to start enjoying. Best of lucks!
For the first time since middle school, I am truly, truly single and have been for about 3 months. I am not interested in any guys, "talking" to any guys, or seeing any guys. I can say that although I do not want to be single forever, I am enjoying my life as it is right now. I have a family and friends that love me and until I find the man that I could be with forever I am satisfied just waiting. Great Post!!!
This is a great post! There is no substitute for focusing on yourself (improvement, learning a new language, acquiring a new hobby, whatever) than to date some guy who just happens to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. It's a HUGE deal to come face to face with the fact that you could be spending some ALONE time than to wonder why you're not happy in a dysfunctional relationship with someone who is not good for you. I keep telling my newly and recently single friends that they don't have to be scared. Yes, holidays are coming and it sucks being single in the world (networks of ) couples, but it doesn't mean it should be the end of fun! I was single when everyone else was a couple and although I lacked available friends to hang out with, I read a lot, tried to improve myself for the better and school/career development. While you're busy, someone always comes along, and when it's the right time for you, it'll be the right person at the right time.
Major kudos and best of luck!
it's definitely scary being single when you're always in a relationship and then you're single now. it was definitely hard for me for about the first year. but i did whatever i can to distract myself and keep me busy so i wouldn't have to think about it too much. everyone has their own way of dealing with it though.
It can also mean that I've decided that I'm better alone than as part of a couple. That's how it is with me.
I don't understand anymore why people are afraid of being single. Are you that dissatisfied with yourself that you can't be happy with just yourself, or have be able to have fun with yourself (and friends)?
Sometimes, it's better to be single. I admit, it's easier... I'm not saying that being in a relationship is bad, hell, I am in a relationship right now, and my boyfriend is great, I'm happy. I'd be devastated to lose him as a part of my life, but I wouldn't be devastated about being single.
Be single, have fun, flirt a little or a lot, dress up, dress down, wear your pajamas all weekend long.
Enjoy life... the only guaranteed person you will have on this earth is you, no use in being scared of it just being you for the time being.
I'm doing exactly the same thing, waiting for the right one :) Being single ain't so bad lol
If i could, I'd give you a high five! :D
my thoughts? awesome post! :)
it's hard coming to that self-realization and reverting back to standing up on your own two feet. Especially if you have been in a long term relationship that entails you to become reliant on the SO. It comes to the point of not even being alone but learning to be alone and getting through hard times alone, when you used to have a significant other around.
and your right; no use in fretting over meeting an ideal guy. when the time comes, it will fall into place.
more power to you!
Well, I've been single for about a year now, and this is the best I've felt in forever. I get all the attention I need from the guys that call me for my job. Right now, I'm loving it. I can still get spoiled, but I don't have to put up with the nonsense of having a relationship. Yay me!!!
This is a good thing. A very good thing. But I'd also like to make note that sometimes the love of your life is already there and people simply aren't ready or willing to make the leap.
Great post. Cos i'm still recovering from my past relationship too. It's really quite hard to adjust back like @silver_raindropz said. I still miss him very much, and at the same time constantly remind myself I gotta move on. =/
I was ridiculously happy single and then my current boyfriend came along and complicated my life with his sweet sweet lovins.
But seriously, I was happy single. I think people have to be happy single before they can get into a happy healthy relationship.
I read this because my boyfriend and I are in a really serious point in our lives, where we will either breakup or we will come together and become stronger. If we do break up I think I will stay single for the rest of my life. He is the love of my life, and if we break up I don't want to be with anyone else.
Too picky.
I've come to realize that there is no one out there for me, and that Neil Diamond's "Solitary Man" could have been written just for me.
The good thing about being single is that you do not hav worry about being killed or divorced by your spouse and you don't have to worry about doing the same to them.
Singledom is awesome
...to a point.It's good that you won't settle for just anybody, but be careful about waiting for somebody perfect. If you abide too closely to standards of what you think you want, you might miss a lot of chances to be happy.
I broke up with my boyfriend 6 weeks ago and this is the first time I have been single in over six years. So far, it's been awesome. At first I was afraid to be single because, well, I've been in a relationship for my entire adult life, but it didn't take me long to realize all of the stuff I'd been missing out on. My boyfriend wasn't controlling or anything, but we lived kind of long distance so weekends were always reserved for him - no matter what. Now I spend my weekends visiting friends in Boston and NYC and going out dancing and shopping with my girlfriends.
In a way, I still miss having a partner. Meaning, somebody that I shared a lot of memories and experiences with and was always there for me when the going got rough. But hey, eventually I'll have that again with someone else. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy every minute of my singledom!
Love it. This sounds like me. I barely date at all. Honestly, it's too much of an emotional drag. Not saying you have to be dateless... but as far as being serious with people that you know aren't right for you, it's not worth that kind of heart ache.
Being single is a LOT of fun. Most days, I really enjoy it. Sometimes I do get lonesome, but you also have a lot of freedoms that you don't have when dating someone.
I've been single for years now, waiting for the right one. Sometimes, being single is easier than being in a relationship since there's less drama involved (all my friends who are in a relationship have this added stress). If I am going to be with someone, I want it to be worth my time (as I keep getting older, I've been cherishing my time, quality of life, and happiness much more now). You don't have to be with someone or in a relationship be happy, there's so much in life to enjoy while you're single, such as acquiring more skills/talents, traveling hanging out with buddies and family, etc...I've enjoyed singlehood so much it makes me wonder whether I'll be able to adjust once I find someone
or if I will be doomed to be a spinster 
I just broke up with a boyfriend of almost a year a few weeks ago, and even though I spent a good two years being completely single before him, it's hard to get used to again. It's nice to know others sometimes have trouble embracing their singleness too. I mean, honestly, why else would most people in the world get married if it weren't because we all want to find someone to share life with? It's hard getting used to not having a companion, and I miss him. But I've found that you have to learn to be comfortable with and depend on yourself before you can do the same for a man. So for now, get off facebook (it will make you crazy!), go out with your girlfriends, go for a long run, cook whatever you want just for yourself, do what makes you happy and makes you a better person... because you have the rest of your life to be in a relationship!