Wednesday, 23 November 2011
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Enjoying My Jealousy Much?
An unfortunate situation we all face once in a while when single is meeting someone you really like but who is already in a relationship. The mature thing to do is to just be a good sport, move on, and forget the whole thing, but once in a while the situation gets complicated in ways that can be pretty frustrating. There's a girl I recently met who's in a few of my classes. We're also in this big group of friends who are all together in this Graduate program. That's another problem - it could be a bad idea to date a colleague.
Anyway, after I added her on Facebook, the natural first thing I did was look at her profile. Her profile picture is of her with her boyfriend of at least four years. However, that's all there is to suggest that she has a boyfriend. Her relationship status is blank, which is just a little suspicious. Also, I clicked on the picture, and it turns out it was taken a long time ago. I looked through her pictures, and the last one of them together was taken more than two years ago.
It could be wishful thinking, but I can't help suspecting that she's holding on to that relationship strictly out of loyalty to him, even if it is not making her very happy anymore. From what I've found out, they've been together since high school, and now we're in grad school. The poor girl probably put in a lot of work to make that long distance relationship work for so long.
As for me, I'm pretty sure she suspects how I feel, and I think she knows how jealous I am. We're also clearly both drawn to each other a little. I've caught her looking at me from across the room several times, she always appears enthusiastic when talking to me, and whenever talking to me she seems to drop my first name into at least every other sentence. A couple of times, she even seems to have made an effort to initiate a conversation with me when nobody else was nearby. One time we were also sitting on a bench waiting for some of our friends to come join us.
At first she was at one end, and just to make room, I sat on the other. Immediately after I sat down, she moved to the other side of the bench so that she could sit next to me. Once our friends arrived and sat down, the bench was kind of a snug fit for all four of us, and I could feel part of her touching me; no hands or anything intentional, but it was enough for me to notice. I wanted so badly in that moment to put my arm around her or to move my hand over onto her thigh, but I respected the fact that she had a boyfriend back home and wouldn't do it.
That was hard. She's so beautiful and just the kind of girl I find myself drawn to. To have her sitting snugly next to me felt really good for that moment, but I liked her too much to disrespect her that way. Resisting that temptation to deliberately touch her felt like one of the hardest things I've done.
Right now, I am pretty sure that one of two things is happening: either she's also into me, or she's enjoying the fact that I'm into her. The latter of those two is something I absolutely can't stand when girls do. I personally think it's wrong for a girl who knows she's beautiful to dangle herself in front of a guy just so that she can soak up his attention to entertain herself. Being the guy in that situation ends up being humiliating, frustrating, and lonely.
What's your take on this situation?
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- From: mantiXcore@xanga
- About Me: I'm Sam. Take it or leave it.
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Comments (31)
How about you ask her out and find out the truth instead of sitting there playing a totally unnecessary mind game?
What's up with all the wishful thinking/reading too much into stuff posts lately?
If I wanted to know if someone was into me, I'd ask them if they were. If I were in this situation, honestly, I'd go for someone that knew how to be more up front and honest with their feelings. I would never go for someone that played games, enjoyed making me jealous, etc. etc.
In a weird twist of fate I am also in a similar predicament. I've been with my boyfriend for two years now and although he loves me and would do anything I almost feel like I'm just in our relationship just to make him happy. I mean I don't want to break his heart.
However there's an attractive new guy around. He's irresistible and I also have the same urge to hold his hand or caress him.As for me, maybe my problem is lust, but I'm drawn to this guy like moth to flame.I think I would ask her about the relationship, you're both mature, so ask her how she feels. If the occasion arises, tell her how you feel. Don't be crushed if she tells you she's in too deep with her boyfriend, just be happy in knowing you took the chance. I think sometimes that's all girls want from guys.
maybe she's not a big fb person. Last time I got a new pic of me tagged/put on fb was about a year ago. And then it was another year before that. I'm not really into it so people don't think to tag me.
Don't go by fb. ASK HER WHAT"S UP. Ask her out.
I don't trust people who are in "relationships" but hold out the information. They are obviously not in the relationship for any affectionate reason and have no problem mingling. When that relationship ends and you two are together, don't be so surprised if she doesn't want other people to know you are together.
Who gives a SHIT what her FB profile status is? Do you know how much of a hassle it is to have it changed from "single/relationship" to "blank" because then it would show that so and so is not is not "in a relationship" or "is not single" due to the blank status box! Until I was engaged, I was BLANK. It was easier to live life that way. PLUS, maybe she has taken other pictures with her bf, but doesn't want to post albums on FB for privacy issues or that's one of her favorite pictures of them together..?
Besides, if you are SO drawn to her and her sitting closely next to you makes think all sorts of things, why not USE common sense and TALK TO HER? Ask her if she wants to go out on a date with you. If she says, "oh no, I have a boyfriend" then whether or not she's happily in that relationship or not, YOU STAY OUT OF HER BUSINESS. If she says, "sure" then she probably hasn't updated her FB status since it's become "complicated."
And it doesn't hurt to know that there is a guy attracted to a girl who already has a bf. She might enjoy it until you cross the NONO line, actually make a physical move based solely on attraction and assumption, for her to make her stand clear to you. But since you're playing unnecessary mind games, why should she care that you're a jealous person or not? you're not her bf. If anything, you being jealous of her relationship with her bf makes you undesirable as a possible "date/new bf".
I've experienced this situation.
reading too much in what's possibly not there~.
Talk to her about it! Jeez. If she leads you on more, and won't tell you yes or no, then it would seem she is just messing with you. Or maybe she is just like that when she get comfortable with people.
I don't think it's right for people to lead others on either.
Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. You can't go on these things because 1) she could be staring at you because she knows you're staring at her and she's confused 2) You may make her feel safe in a friendly way so she sits next to you. 3) You cannot read into anything on her FB unless you know for a fact.
So, bottom line... talk to her. I understand you're protecting yourself but if she is a nice person she will handle your attraction to her in a nice way. Good luck!
it's definitely a good feeling when you're in a relationship and a guy is interested in you but i wouldn't entertain him and lead him the wrong way, maybe you should talk to her first.
It's possible that she is telling her friends the same exact thing. You should just talk to her. The worse thing that can happen is she says she has a boyfriend, and you already suspect that anyway.
Good luck!
Besides FB, do you actually know if she has a bf? Why don't you ask her if she's in a relationship or if she's single? If she's single, ask her out. If not, keep your distant out of respect for her relationship even if she's sending you mix signals.
that way if it's the latter of the situation then you know not to even give her any more of your attention in that sort of way.
I actually had this happen to me before. I didn't act on it since I was in a LT, LD relationship at the time. I'm giving myself some time to heal---then I'm gonna question said person if he feels the same.
Just ask her because reading from what you wrote, it really seems like wishful thinking on your part. Yes, she could be enjoying the attention from you, but at the same time she might not be thinking anything of it besides basking in the attention.
Perhaps she is not a facebook person, either? I've been with my boyfriend since high school and I don't have my relationship status posted nor have I recently changed my picture. Try not to judge using facebook. If anything, just ask her.
bahahah. i don't mean to laugh but that bench part was funny.
This whole thing sounds rather unsettling.
I wouldn't want to be with a guy who creeps my facebook page and cares THAT much about what i have posted. Regardless if he's looking for a relationship or to be friends etc.
I keep my facebook account rather restricted and private. I don't share the details of my personal life with just anyone. It sounds like you're reading into this a bit too much. She may be interested in you, but you could just very well be seeing something that's just NOT there. Guys sometimes really have a hard time telling the difference between a girl genuinely being interested and a girl just being friendly.
you're absolutely reading into it all way too much... actually to a bit of a disturbing level.
If you know she's in a relationship even though it's long distance and her relationship status is blank, that means she told you she's in a relationship.
You could ask her what's up and tell her you're interested, but don't be surprised if she's actually completely devoted to her boyfriend. I know a guy who just moved closer to his girlfriend after they've been together for over a year and they don't have their relationship status on Facebook. The only reason my relationship status is on Facebook is because my boyfriend asked if we could change it. Some people are just more private about their lives than others.
That said, I think everyone here is being harsh saying that you're being "disturbing." My boyfriend told me that before we got together he checked my Facebook to see if I was in a relationship and I didn't even have any status posted...it didn't say I was single, in a relationship, whatever. I just left that section blank. So obviously it's just a way to sort of check and see what's going on if you're interested in someone...but if the information isn't there, you can't really go by that.
Your reading way to much into it. And while maybe she does enjoy that you are into her... she is by no means dangling herself, she is being friendly...
Facebook status is an interesting thing, many times people take down relationship status due to a security in the relationship/everybody knows they are together and it is no longer a new thing. She sat next to you on a bench and touched you cuz it was crowded? It happens and means nothing.
Personally I'd move on, guys who hit on taken women really irritate me.... its a hard situation but let it go.
what if she is not doing anything you are talking about and just being herself and you are just reading too much into it?
just ask her.
Um, I find it interesting that you're in grad school, and yet facebook seems to be your go-to source about this girl's relationship status. Don't take this the wrong way because I personally am not into facebook in the first place, but I assure you the best thing is to be direct, i.e. ask in person. The worst thing that could happen is she'd be flattered by your interest. Having known a few beautiful girls myself as well, I have to say they're just as emotionally vulnerable as anyone out there. Definitely don't assume that she's just playing games, 'cause I do that when I really like a guy -- you know, wanting to sit as close to him as possible. ;)
you're reading too much into this. and so what if she doesn't list her relationship status on Facebook? It's Facebook...
Ask her out and see what she says. You have no idea of her relationship status. Ask. What have you got to lose?? And, she's probably wondering why you haven't asked. Don't waste another minute
And, jealousy is from insecurity. Jealousy is an ugly emotion. Get rid of it.!!!!! Feel better about yourself and jealousy will go away.
Good luck.
Christy