Tuesday, 22 November 2011
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Finding Out You Have an STD
This post was submitted anonymously.
Yesterday I found out that I have genital herpes. And I feel that, as soon as I say that, everyone starts judging and assuming that I have slept around, or am some sort of a slut. But, I'm not.
I got this STD from my boyfriend of almost a year and a half, who was unaware that he had it. He had been tested before we started dating, and unfortunately herpes doesn't always show up on the blood tests, so he had absolutely no idea that he had contracted this STD from his ex.
I cried when I found out, because my life has now been changed forever. And it feels unfair to me because neither my boyfriend nor I have done anything wrong. We love each other and we slept together, and yet now we will both be suffering for the rest of our lives because of it.
When I told my mom, she said that, although it is in no way a good thing, at least it won't affect my boyfriend and I very much as long as we're together. We live together and do have plans of getting married and starting a family, so since we already both have this STD our lives will generally stay the same. The only thing that will be majorly affected with be childbirth for me, but it is still possible and safe.
But all of a sudden, I have all this fear that we aren't going to last forever. And I keep thinking that if we end up going our separate ways, who will ever want to have sex with someone who has a very good chance of giving them an STD? And if I fall in love again and get married, I will not be able to have unprotected sex with my husband for fear of infecting him, which means that we will not be able to try to have kids...and all I have ever wanted is to be a mother.
I guess I just don't understand why, after a year of being 100% positive that my boyfriend is the one for me, after picking out engagement rings and discussing different parts of our wedding, and after I've been waiting for the past few months hoping he will propose to me...why am I all of a sudden so worried that we aren't going to last forever, and that this STD will ruin my chances of a normal, happy life?
Has anyone ever had something like this happen to them?
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Comments (36)
No, but I haven't been being safe when it comes to sex, and am terrified that I have something. Seeing this seems like a sign that I do. I need to go get tested. Good luck.
Aw, I've never had a similar experience but I'm sorry for the emotional turmoil you must be going through... Hang in there!
I'm sorry to hear this. It's not possible he could have cheated on you and got it? Just throwing that out there.
In any case, I hope you guys will stay healthy. I don't really know the details of what happens when you have genital herpes, but I hope you guys take care of yourself and stay as healthy as you can.
My heart goes out to you.
It must really suck but as with everything else, all you can do is hope for the best.
I think that because of this new information you have, your mind is just feeling flustered and going in a million different directions. I think it's pretty normal that you're having those thoughts after learning you have contracted an STD from him. That's a pretty big thing to take in, and I'm sure that once the initial shock is over, you'll go right back to your feelings for him and being sure of your future together. Don't let this change your thoughts and feelings, because you are the same person and it's the same relationship it was before finding out you both had an STD. Nothing has changed besides the knowledge you have gained (which is a good thing!). Basically, the deed is done, and there's nothing you can do about it at this point, so you might as well just continue living as you were! Worry about the rest when/if it happens. That's really all you can do. Good luck with everything! :)
o_o that sounds awful... I would be having the same fear as you, the whole, if it doesnt work out thing. I just started sleeping with my current boyfriend recently and this scares me... =/ Cuz we have gone unprotected sex crazed. I have been tested and so has he but if it takes a while for some to show up... hrm. =/
IF you end up with someone else, you'll still be able to have kids with him. You might end up doing it through artificial insemination, which probably isn't as romantic, but it's not like you won't be able to have kids. Anyways I'm sorry to hear about what happened, but soon you'll realize it's not gonna ruin your life and you'll feel better.
ah Herpes is more common than you think almost 20% of the population has it - just that most people are asymptomatic. You have nothing to worry as long as you have sex not during a flare up.
I think, this new information has put a final stamp on your relationship. Even if you were 100% happy in knowing that you are going to be happily ever after with your boyfriend, this health fact will without the doubt, finalize the situation. That if you and your bf break up, you might have difficult time in conceiving with someone else due to your condition.
also, don't let this new information make it color your relationship that was happy still with your bf into something gloomy and unfortunate. yes, it's not the best news one would receive, but it's not the end of the world, and until this moment, you WERE happy. don't let it ruin your chances to be happy with him later on by getting anxious and panicky.
Here is my story..
My ex/ guy I am trying to work things out with, has cheated on me in the past. We had been together for 8 years, I am only 24 so that is a really long time for me. We had our problems, but were working through them, we had broken up in October of 2010 and, November of 2010 we slept together, I started feeling sick but didn't think much of it, then I got a yeast infection.
But it wasn't going away and it was BAD, the day before Thanksgiving I make an emergency OBGYN appointment and it was confirmed that I was having a Herpes outbreak. I cried in the office of this male OBGYN who I had never met and he was very kind in explaining it all to me. I was given my meds and sent home.
The day after Thanksgiving, I was sent the test results of which strain. I had HSV-1 genitally.
I called my SO and asked him to come over and I told him, I cried, I yelled, he cried, he apologized and we started to move on. It took my body 2 weeks to fully recover from the flu symptoms and outbreak.
I haven't had an outbreak since my first one a year ago this week.
If you need to talk, or have questions please feel free to contact me via Xanga.
I will happily talk with you.
As to your fears, pain and stigma can really set you back on your heels and make you question a lot of things. Yes, you can spread the virus should you have a future partner, but you may not infect them. This would be something you need to be open and honest about should you choose to take on another lover and from there the two of you will figure it out.
From personal experience, I have found that if they turn and run because I told them I have HSV, then they were not worth my time.
Give yourself the time to process all that you are feeling and continue to reflect on you and your boyfriend. Really figure out if this is what you want. Is it possible that these fears had been hiding all along? Or maybe you are simply projecting your feelings in this manor.
If you aren't having an outbreak, you won't spread it. So technically you could have sex with someone new (a different person that you end up marrying) and not give it to him AND still have kids. Do you know for a fact that the ex has it too? If she doesn't, then he cheated and got it while you two were together. I'd definitely be making sure she has it so i know whether my bf was being shady or not.
I was drugged and raped and contracted genital herpes, I have the same fears as you sometimes...nobodys gonna want to be wit some one with that....but surprisingly there's a lot of people who don't care. Me and my ex had unprotected sex for over 3 years and he hasn't showed any signs or symptoms. I also delivered a beautiful healthy baby girl vaginally, they give you medications that you have to take and they monitor you very closely to make sure you don't have an outbreak while in labor. things that cause out breaks are chocolate, sun, stress and there's others. Always make sure to wash your hands after touching yourself. If you were to wipe yourself after going potty, and not wash your hands, and get the virus onto your fingers if you were to come shake my hand afterwords and then I were to touch my mouth it can be transferred, also, don't share your towels in between washes. and having sex during an out break with someone who has herpes is not a good idea, because then it can spread even more...that's where they get the google images from. Another thing about herpes: statistically every 1 in 4 american's have it, but 72% don't know it, at least those were the statistics 3 years ago (: Being informed helps...And there's plenty of people out there who don't think it's horrible, and they do understand. As long as you tell them about it before they can contract it! If you don't tell them, even if they don't ask you can get fined or go to jail.
Shamrock lover: I'm sorry to say, but that is incorrect. You are ALWAYS contagious! Just more contagious the week before during and the week after a break out! But you are always contagious! Even if you don't have a break out for 20 years....Sorry to say.
@ShamrockLover@xanga - I think that statement is false. Even if a person does not show signs or have an outbreak that person can still pass it on without knowing. He didn't even know he had herpes and transmitted it to her, so he didn't have an outbreak just had sex with her.
"The infection is usually acquired by sexual contact with someone who has genital herpes. People with oral herpes can transmit the infection to the genital area of a partner during oral-genital sex. Herpes infections also can be transmitted by a person who is infected with HSV but has no noticeable symptoms. Such asymptomatic shedding of the virus may be fairly common, occurring from 5 percent to 20 percent of the time in infected individuals."
I had the same thing happen to me.. you will be okay. Some men may not accept it, (if you and your boyfriend do not stay together) but most will as long as you are honest with them. I was young.. still am when I found out and I've always been open and honest with everyone that I have it. When i was first diagnosed I had outbreaks alot, like once a month but its been 4 years and I rarely, if ever have them now. Just remember that it doesn't change who you are as a person. I think it actually has helped me in a way bc it made me more confident in myself and who I am in the end even if at first I was a total wreck. Goodluck, and Im sending you love.
@CrisaRei@xanga - Good to know....thanks
Well I've had genital herpes now for a little over a year. Was with a guy for about 6 months and while we was together I was having really bad itching and discharge down there and few more things. So I went to get checked to see what was wrong really..few days later came back to the drs and the lady told me I came out positive for herpes. I cried and cried right there. Pretty much the first thing that came out of my mouth was "Will I be able to have children" Of course you can she said. I remember everything from that day like it was yesterday. But don't let it bring you down at all. Don't let it stop you from living ur life. I haven't had an outbreak since I found out.. but its different for everyone really. Stress, ur period, shaving sometimes..& more things could cause an outbreak. My boyfriend now I've been with for about a year now..we've had sex without condoms and he has never showed any signs or symptoms. I wouldn't have sex while you do have an outbreak though. Just make sure to wash ur hands after touching down there. I heard the first outbreak is usually the worst. Just keep taking ur medication and it will help a little. Also I learned that if someone turns you down because of your std...forget about them. Don't take it as a bad thing. You'll find someone that does care about you and don't worry about the std like that. Ya know? Just make sure you are always honest with someone you are sexually active with though.
I think it's because you felt like you had a choice before now, and you don't feel like you have any options now that you both have this disease. It's a big change in your life, but maybe the two of you can grow stronger and together.
because the reality is, it will affect your life...even you if you don't want it to :( I'm sorry
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sorry to hear this.
it's a big change for you to deal with, so of course you'll have these thoughts going through your head.
good luck with whatever happens.
I'm so sorry about what you're going through. My husband slept with people before me, and also slept with someone else during a 3 day hiatus that we took in our relationship when we dated. He didn't remember if he used protection or not, so once I found out I made him get tested. He tested positive for herpes, but they don't know what type. I cried and cried when I found out he was positive. Thoughts kept running through my head. I had done everything right. I only slept with the person I married, I never even fooled around before him. And now I could have an STD? It didn't seem fair. I still haven't gotten tested, mostly because I'm afraid that it will come back positive. My husband has never had an outbreak, so it's probably not the genital kind and is just the normal cold sore kind.
@testyman666@xanga - This isn't completely accurate. As it is, and as they put on everything... You can pass the disease even when you do not have a flare up.
To be honest darling, keep in mind that this is something you both discovered together and that you will deal with it together. In a relationship, there are always obstacles you will have to overcome and some being more unusual than others, it is still something you will have to will have to battle together. The more you focus on the what ifs, the more your thoughts will become negative. Yes, this situation in particular is not a happy one but think, when the worst part of accepting it goes away, you will find a way to love each other once again in the same way you did before. Just make sure that whatever you do, remind yourselves that its only a little bump in the road and it will only get better. Keep strong, my stranger friend