Monday, 21 November 2011
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How Do You Know It's Love?
I have lusted after, crushed on, and been infatuated before, but as for love, well, that's a whole 'nother ball game. First of all, how do you know when you're in love? How is that different from infatuation? Is it the desire to want what's best for them, even if it's detrimental to you? Maybe it's the desire to see them truly happy, no matter what the cost? Please tell me, because I haven't the faintest clue.
I'm 25 and have only been in 2 relationships. My first one was 2.5 months, and my second (and most recent) was a year. In both of these relationships, my boyfriends had confessed their love to me before I was even sure of my own emotions. I ended up telling only my second boyfriend that I loved him, and even then, it was because he passively aggressively pressured me into it. However, I remained uncertain of whether I truly felt that way. Did I care about his happiness deeply? Yes. Did I enjoy being around him and miss him when he's not around? Yes. Did that mean I loved him? I don't know.
My friends have told me that if I had to question whether I truly loved him, then it probably means I didn't.
"When you're in love, you know it," they declared. "It is irrefutable, and irrepressible."Another friend described it as a pot of bubbling liquid. Your love for your significant simmers and simmers, until one day, you see him/her and you're so overwhelmed with emotion that the love just spills over and out of the pot, and you just have to say, "I LOVE YOU!"
Needless to say, I have never felt that way towards either of my boyfriends. I knew I cared about them to the point where I would often sacrifice my own happiness, but I never felt it was out of undeniable, undying love. I did it because I wanted them to be happy, and as a loving partner, that is just what one should do.
Datingish readers, what do you think? How do you know when you're undoubtedly in love?
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- From: xxSilverxWingsxx@xanga
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Comments (33)
It's so difficult to describe because it's different for, not only for every person, but also different for every relationship. But just like the grand finale of a fireworks show, when It finally hits you you will know it. That person will be permanently tattooed onto your heart and soul. And should you ever part ways you will still be together because each time you fall in love or someone falls in love with you, you take a piece of each other with you. You have become a part of them and they of you, which is why it hurts so much to end it.
well, this is how it happened for me. in my past relationships, i never had any urge to say it, but in my most recent relationship, early on, just everything about him made me feel so secure and happy, to the point where i wasn't even thinking, and the words just slipped out of my mouth. at least for me, the cliche is true. you'll know when you feel it.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - I agree.
You will know when you feel it.
Well when you really do love someone, it doesn't mean you have to have them. All you want is for them to be happy with or without you. Your willing to let them go. I guess in your situation, you've loved to some point. There are different levels to love. I guess the highest level would be, are you willing to die for that person? Well hope this helps somewhat. But never doubt what you feel, and remember it's okay just to feel infatuated (wanting someone there). Once you meet the right one, you'll know.
-Let it hurt you. Walk away. Smile. Forgive. Forget.
"Describing love is like describing what water tastes like."
One of my friends said that to me once, and I think its completely true! Don't worry so much about whether or not you can say you love some one. For me, it all just came down to a moment where I said it and after I said it I knew it was the truth.
Hope that helps :)
I was with my boyfriend,Jake, for two and a half years, and then I left him, dated three other guys, and came back to him. That was how I knew I loved him... it was the feeling that I could get another guy, but I could never get another Jake. I wasn't happy unless I was with him. We've been together for a year and a half since then, and we are talking engagement. During my absence, he decided he couldn't live without me and he was in love with me too :)
Everyone's definition of love is different.
Hmm, I knew the day he broke up with his LTR girlfriend and my first thought was not "Yay, I have another chance!" as it had been with all of his previous girlfriends, but "I hope he's going to be okay."
As soon as his happiness came first, I realized I couldn't dismiss this as a crush as I had been. When I started paying more attention to his pain than when he was doing okay, when I got up the guts to confront him about his alcoholism rather than worry about this making him not like me, when I started completely being myself in front of him rather than charming him into liking the version of myself that he had the highest chance to like... Basically, when HE came before "us".
Funnily enough, when that happened, that's when he started loving me back.
This may sound cheesy or whatever, but I recall a Bible verse that my mother told me when I was younger. "Love is patient, love is kind." I am by no means an incredibly religious person, but I do believe that the verse is accurate. When you love someone, you're patient with them through the good and bad times. You're willing to be selfless and set aside your needs at certain points to see the other person happy. Whether it may be admitting that you were wrong in an argument or going out of your way to cheer them up, love can be defined in different ways on several levels.
I can't really explain how I knew I fell in love with my current boyfriend, but it was something that just happened. Everything kind of fell into place.
Everyone moves at their own speed and when you know you're in love, you will just know. You won't have to question it. : ]
The fact that you KNOW when you're in love is true. As I have learned on my own and from a wise friend, everyone has their own definition of love. It's something that you figure out in time. I believe love is unconditional. It knows no boundaries. It's kind, it's patient. To love means to love someone for who they are, even if they are not perfect, to care deeply for them, and to be their best friend and lover and stick with them until the very end. For me, I knew that I was going to be with my now fiance because I could imagine spending the rest of my life with him. I had this outpouring of love for him. I didn't care whether he was flawed or not. All I knew is that I wanted to be with him. Being in love with someone has physiological, emotional, and mental effects. Just like what they sing about in songs, although not to the extreme, you will fall deeply and crazily for someone.
Sometimes, it takes longer for people to find love. You will find it. Just keep your eyes out. You will find the right man for you someday.
This is hard because everyone says you just know, but sometimes it's not always that clear-cut. It was so easy for me to fall in love when I was new to relationships. In my current relationship, instead of only waiting 2 weeks, I waited like 4 months to tell him. I was so infatuated with him in the beginning and I knew I wanted to be with him forever, but I knew I didn't quite love him yet (I know, it sounds like it doesn't make sense, but I just knew that he was the right person for me since we were so compatible so early on). I said it when I was absolutely sure that this feeling I felt couldn't be mistaken for anything less substantial than pure love.
Honestly, I think REAL love involves a lot of things being in place. It doesn't have to be a pot spilling over and feeling like the words just spill out of your mouth. That's the romanticized way of looking at it. Sure, that happens sometimes, but for me, and I'm sure for other people, real love is not based on passionate impulsive feelings. Of course passion is involved, but it is not the reason I love my boyfriend. I love him with all my heart because he genuinely cares for me (I've been with people who did care about me, but they often let their ego get in the way and made me feel like less of person for it, so this is different: absolute genuine care and sacrifice), and I care for him like I would have never understood in high school. He encourages me to be a better person, he makes me feel like I really can do anything I set my mind to, and he listens. We've also been through a lot together already, even in just a year. He puts so much trust in me and he takes my opinions seriously. We help each other grow. I think that is what love is. It is the feeling that you could spend all of your time with someone and not get tired of them. It means that you trust them and you feel like a better person when they are around. It is when you know you can tell that person anything in the world and they will never make you feel silly for it.
In sum, love does not always have to be a super hot impulsive thing....sometimes, and I think when it's really right, love just happens because of how you interact and how you feel when you are with them. I hope that helps a little.
You will know. And that's really all I can say. There's really no way to describe it.
love is when you share your favorite peanut butter cookie while skipping merrily in the dandelion field
This is an interesting topic. I've actually thought about this alot. I've told several guys that I love them and have been told the same. At the time I thought I loved them but now, thinking back, it couldn't have been true love because it's over. There was one guy I could have swore I loved a hundred times, and I was in love with him, and I was tore up when he left me. So I guess maybe it's possible to love and get over it.
I'm sure I'm in love now though. When everything is perfect and you never have to question that he would do anything for you and you would do the same for him.
I say that I love my boyfriend now. But I don't say it. He was actually the one who said it first in the beginning of our relationship early on. Later, we got into fights as he would question if when he said it, it really was love. Whenever this happens, he questions if he loves me or if he even knows what that means. I guess I will just have to express my love for him in so many other ways and hope that one day he will realize what love is. And if that really does mean he'll be better off with someone, I will be heartbroken, but I won't be able to change his heart. I'm just so happy I get to be with him now. It's been more than a year. We help each other grow and I'm just so thankful.
when someone makes you the best you
and you make them the best you
i agree with the others, it's difficult to explain it, when they say you know it when you know it, it's actually right. it's not like something you just run down a checklist for. i've only been in love once and when i knew i was in love, there was nothing holding me back from saying it to him even if he didn't say it back to me.
If you have to ask then you're not in love
Love isn't really supposed to be all about you and how you feel.
See, there were a few times when I thought I was in love before, and once I thought with absolute certainty that THIS WAS IT. Turns out both situations were illusions, and once either relationship hit a rough spot, it was over. But, at the same time, these were high school relationships, so in all fairness none of us were adults about the relationship in the ways we could have been.
I once had a friend that said to me "You love every person differently."
I find that this probably does hold merit, although I feel that I've only been in true love once (now).
But I do like this idea that a person can love multiple people throughout a lifetime, and no two loves are the same. Which, makes sense, since no two relationships are the same.
Anyway, how do I know I'm in love? I love him for a whole bunch of reasons, I pretty much feel like I'm getting the whole spectrum: I'm infatuated with him (and by this I mean he still has the ability to make my heart flutter), I'm attracted to him, I love him as a person, I feel safe with him. There's a trust and security in our relationship I never dreamed myself having. And, besides all of the things he provides for me, I love him simply for the man he is. I love him for beyond myself.
I told him I loved him first. It was a month into our relationship, and looking back I still feel some regret. The circumstances weren't of my finest. We were with his friends and he wasn't paying me much attention so I flirted with his friend. I can't really explain why I did this but I know it was childish of me. Anyway, when his friends left he was very sad and unresponsive. I didn't really know why he was upset (when his friend was over he gave no indication that this was bothering him) and then he told me. I felt a wave full of guilt and sat in his lap and looked at him. I could see his hurt, and it hurt me. Although I was the cause for his pain, I felt a deep pain for him. And that's when the words slipped out. I knew with absolute certainty then that I loved him.
Love to me, is forgiving and graceful. It understands, it lets go, it grows.
when you're really in love.. you will just know. And its not a head knowledge.. your heart will tell you.
I knew within 3 days of meeting my husband that he was the one for me. Was it all heat and passion and desperate "must have you now"? No. But I know its real true plain out love because he is the only one i want to go to bed with at night.. and the first one I want to see in the morning.
Too many people try to figure out, or reason with love. You can't. You don't chose who you fall in love with, though you chose what to do with the love... but love isn't perfect, its just love.
We're in the same boat my friend. I wish I knew what love is as well
Love is not an emotion, despite common belief. What you've described--caring, kindness, sacrifice for the other person--that is real love. Love is more practical than the passionate romance that can be included with love. At the same time, it is radical in that it makes a person who through any depths to make the other person safe and happy.
This is very difficult because I think it's really hard to tell the difference between love and infatuation. Even in my OWN relationships I've had a difficult time distinguishing between the feelings I've felt for one man versus the other. With my last ex, we said it all the time after about six weeks. I wanted to spend all of my time with him, and when he was upset, I was upset. I thought it was going to be forever, but I was so insecure after a few months. I look back and I'm not sure if it was love or infatuation, but it's hard to say because I had to push so hard to get over it (it was a sad ending after the way it had been for the majority of the relationship). We were together for nine months, by the way. With my CURRENT boyfriend, we haven't even said it yet, and it's been nine months, but I feel it (we're both kinda shy about these things... Maybe he doesn't feel it, but then again, it always takes him a long time to open up about feelings, so it's hard to say. And I can't bring myself to say it first). It's hard to explain it... It's not butterflies, though I get those sometimes (we started friends, so it was all a little different than my past relationships!)... It's long distance, but when I see him on Skype, or we talk, we both just smile the whole time and are silly. I feel like I can tell him anything, and he opens up to me with his feelings. When we are together, I feel very comfortable with him, and I love when he smiles. He says the same thing about me. It's just so hard to say... I really do think it's different for everyone.
You feel it. It's indescribable and amazing. That's it. You can differentiate when you love someone.