So I started talking to this guy I met online and things seemed cool. I gave him my Google Voice number initially, and then entrusted him with my actual number since he seemed cool. Things seemed to be going well, we both started to like each other a lot, and well, we got flirty. We went on a date and things seemed to go well, and we continued flirting.
Then I reminded him of a boundary I have of not having sex until the guy is my boyfriend and I've been in a relationship with him for a month or two. I told him that the reason I have the boundary is because I have been played before by an ex. Then the dude started to overreact, saying how he wasn't good enough for me, how he was damaged, and etc. I thought,"oh jeez" another player. I talked to my friend about it, and she messaged him online. He started arguing that he didn't know what she was talking about and then texted me asking about it, and when I didn't reply, he Facebook messaged me.
Both my friend and I argued with him and then we understood that he wasn't trying to play me, but according to him, "was his way of opening up to me," and that I'm like all other girls who rejected him and broke his heart. Um, hello, buddy, I just told you my fear of you wanting to use me for sex. Then my friend and I tried to patch things up with him, and he kept insisting that things won't be the same and that he needs to do some soul searching and yadda yadda. I offered to help him and he refused. I kept insisting and his stubborn ass refused, until he gave in, and said I can help later.
Then Monday when I texted him, there was no longer a "good morning beautiful" text reply, and I didn't expect it. Later on he kept asking why I wanted him and I told him why. Hours later he said he couldn't do it. I replied "ok." He then asked if I still wanted him and I replied with "I don't know." I was upset that 1. He asked if I still wanted him, and 2. I was heartbroken. Then he texted asking if I was okay. Now, guys, NEVER EVER ask a girl if she's ok after rejecting her or breaking up with her! Why? Simple, she's not okay, and you damn well know it.
He then persisted and asked what was bothering me. Then I said, "I'm fine, really." Now, I'm not that kind of girl who says fine when I'm not, unless I don't want to discuss it. I'm pretty blunt with my emotions. I'm an open book for those who know me. Then guess what he said, "I still want you, and you're not like any other girl." Wow, buddy. Way to play with my emotions.
Now today, he has the guts, to question my intentions! Yes, I know it's hard to forgive yourself for the misunderstanding, I still kick myself over it, figuring out how it was my fault, but still when I say I want to work it out, I want to work it out. Then he continued to say how he knows how it'll all end, to which I replied, "you never know until you try." He replied that he already knows how it will end again. To which I said, "It's like saying I'm like other girls." Now his response pissed me off, so rude, that I just want to punch him in the face and actually throw in the towel than deal with this dude. He said how he only met me once and doesn't know me, he just got caught up in me. Wow.
I understand heartbreak. I've been through it. I've been hurt and played with. I've been rejected. I've been there and done that. I consider your feelings, but he didn't even try to consider mine, not even for a minute. I gave everything that I could. I got up and fell so many times, I'm even amazed why I even wanted to give it a try with this dude. If you know you have issues, don't tell girls you want a relationship with them and get all nuts. If I get a text from him later today saying that he wants me again, I wouldn't be surprised. Too bad it'll be too late and it'll be deleted.
Have you ever dealt with someone like this?
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Comments (64)
He sounds like he's either a player screwing around with your emotions on purpose or else he's a broken soul with lots of sharp edges. Either way you sound like you've made a wise choice. Putting someone back together isn't always possible and from what I've experienced it can cut you all up in the process.
As I was reading this I was thinking "WTF"... and I am not one to normally think such profane things, but this situation is seriously messed up. I dont now if it is all him, like: Why would you keep talking/texting him? Why are you letting yourself be pulled into this kinda crap? I don't think it is you alone who should ask such questions, but anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation. It is always helpful to ask: How in the crap did I end up here? What could I have done to change this? You certainly cant change anothers craziness but you can work on your own self (myself included, well.. everyone included really
).
I'm sorry this happened to you - it sounds like he's just completely insecure and unstable... :(
guys and sex kind of come together regardless...
Two things: first, I've met a bunch of guys like this, and none of them were worth the time or angst; second, you probably shouldn't have brought your friend into the mix. Even though he sounds like he has a screw loose, things like this should never be handled by friends. It just makes things more complicated than they should be.
On the other hand, at least you've figured out early on that he's a little unstable. It's very possible he just isn't mature enough for a serious relationship yet. Give him a couple years, and he may be. But there's no guarantee of that, and for right now, I'd move on to someone who won't be so indecisive or...well...mildly insane.
-Katie
...This sounds exactly like my boyfriend. Not the beginning part, but the part about opening up onward. My boyfriend is indeed very broken, he would tell me he couldn't be with me, I deserved someone better, but would always tell me I was different, I made him feel safe, would always ask me if I was ok. No guy has ever put me before himself before, so that was where I knew he was worth it. My guy also has a very unique situation, so after I found out and we talked, everything fell into place. He's still very emotionally unstable, and its extremely hard but it feels good to see him smile.
This probably doesn't help you at all :P but yea, my first boyfriend started out as frustrating at your situation was. haha
good thing you put up that standard! while he probably wasn't intending to screw with you, the fact that he's so unstable and not understanding about it is a huge red flag. beginnings of relationships are always about boundaries, and respect should always be shown for your partners boundaries. if he wasn't even your boyfriend, i don't know why he was expecting so much/disappointed when you turned him down. and then still didn't even ask to be your boyfriend. lol he was a fail.
Did everyone seriously read this and understand it? WTF
I can't believe the author is a college sophmore.
@Kill_GaryLarson@xanga - yep. I read about half of it and thought: how old is this chick?!?
@TheFashionableEconomist@xanga - Hahah, I get it!
*ROTFLMAO* OWNED! I know exactly what he is doing, and I applaud him for his skill. Well done guy! Not as good as I am but you may reach my level one day! I doubt it, but stranger things have happened!
@SarahC0828@xanga - *ROTFLMAO @ chicks calling others 'chicks'*
Unbelievable how naive women are. No wonder I own them so easily.
@FascistCanuck@xanga - wow, you actually get chicks with Hitler icon? Hitler does not equal hot. Unless you trying to attract a skinhead...
@passionate_kisses579@xanga - That's Hitler? Really? Fucking moron.
@passionate_kisses579@xanga - I don't get 'chicks'. I get WOMEN. If I want a chick, I'll pay the bitch at the corner of Yonge and Isabella.
Ah, the wonder and joy of a silent female. Nothing beats it.
@FascistCanuck@xanga - enjoy the STDs
@passionate_kisses579@xanga - Such a nice thing to say. Do you walk up to women with breast cancer and utter 'enjoy the cancer'? I bet you do. I have never had any stds, and I never shall, but here's hoping, right?
@FascistCanuck@xanga - You clearly cannot read. I stated I go for WOMEN, not bitches who work street corners. As such, the odds of me ever getting STDs are non-existent. Women, as in 'ladies'. Do you understand now, child?
Both of you seriously screwed up here.
1. You should not have gotten your friend involved at all. A surefire way to kill any relationship is to get other people involved. Be an adult, keep your problems within the relationship unless abuse is taking place. He had every right to be skeptical and distrusting of you after that.
2. Contradicting myself a little bit, while he had every right to be skeptical and distrusting of you after you brought your friend in (my guess is he felt ganged up on) he still displays a lot of insecure and unstable behavior. Actually both of you display a lot of insecure and unstable behavior and you should probably look into that a little bit more before you get into another relationship or see someone else; or ignore any advice and don't be surprised if history repeats itself.
You are justified in being jaded after your ex but at the same time you can't place those fears and demons upon every other guy you meet. That is going to kill any attraction or possibilities of a future before the relationship or courting even begins. If there is no hope, if there is no vision, then that relationship, platonic or otherwise, is going downhill.
The guy isn't a player - he is a low self esteem pyscho path (a playa gets pussy, no guy who's a whiny, depressive loser gets pussy)...but here's what you did wrong also:
1) "Then I reminded him of a boundary I have of not having sex until the guy
is my boyfriend and I've been in a relationship with him for a month or
two. I told him that the reason I have the boundary is because I have
been played before by an ex."
You imposed arbitrary relationship boundaries and punished a potential boyfriend for what someone else did to you. If its real - I slap you on your wrist. If it's just a test (as all women test guys), well then it's fine :)
2) You tried to hash out a fledgling relationship in text message/facebook. Only cowards resort to text in a relationship.
In a situation like this, it seems like the best thing to do would be to let him go and do that "soul searching" he was talking about. It appears as if he has personal issues to sort out before he can be a healthy individual, let alone in a relationship.
Why the hell would you involve your friend in your relationship? I seriously hate it when females do this, it's completely unfair to the guy.