Wednesday, 16 November 2011
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First Date Don'ts
Things are always a little tense on a first date, you're nervous and so is the person you're meeting. Here's a list of what NOT to do on a first date.1. Be late. What does being late on a first date say about you? Oh, just that the date isn't important to you and that you can never be counted on. Think about it, would you be late for a job interview? Basically that's what a first date is, an interview to see if you're man enough for the job of being her boyfriend.
2. Over complement. If you compliment her eyes, fine, but don't then slather adoration on her lips, her skin and her shoes. It sounds fake and it dilutes the first compliment.
3. Talk about sex. Seriously, even if she says something to you, don't take the bait. Talking about sex on a first date is like eating dessert before dinner. After a conversation about sex, what the hell else can you talk about?
4. Take a call, from anyone. Unless your mother is in the hospital with a septic bowel and you're waiting to hear if she will live or die, do not take a call. It's rude and insulting. Turn off the ringer and leave it in your pocket. If you have to check, wait until she goes to the bathroom.
5. Expect her to pay. Sorry, I know it's not politically correct but on a first date, the guy pays. The girl is supposed to make a vain gesture towards her purse when the bill comes and you are supposed to wave her away. That's the way it goes. If she's a girl worth dating, the next time she'll get dinner or at least pick up the tab for dessert or drinks.
6. Lear at the waitress, or ogle any woman that walks by. It's hard sometimes at a bar or a restaurant, but seriously keep your eyes on her.
7. Forget your personal hygiene. Don't just bathe in cologne and think that'll do it. Seriously, take a shower! Brush your teeth. Put on deodorant and shave that face, a five o'clock shadow is only cool to your guy friends (and they won't make out with you).
8. Be negative. It's your very first impression. If all you do is complain about your lousy day, the bad traffic and how much the food sucks, she's going to assume you are always a downer.
9. Get drunk. This is a very bad idea. It makes a girl feel unsafe. While you think you're being Mr.Charming chances are you're actually being Mr. Grabby Hands Stinky Breath. Loser move.
10. Lie. Lying about anything is bad, especially when you are getting to know someone. If you lie about your age, or your income, what you do for a living, it will all come back to bite you in the butt. More than that, many people can sense deception, so even if they don't know what you're lying about, they will feel distrustful towards you.
If you avoid all of the above you have a good chance at scoring a second date. Remember, sometimes it's what you don't do on that first date that will get a girl interested.
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Comments (77)
Dear, author of this poorly written article:
Why is this targeted towards men only
?
Please change the name of this article to "Protip for men: First Date Don'ts".
You're on your way to becoming a successful sexist.
@ #5 Expect her to pay.
Oh God... not another Grade A Princess type that is putting all of the dating expectancies on men.
Archaic dating rules where all of the forefront ONE-SIDED dating burdens are placed on one gender. I'm glad society is moving in the direction where these dating rules presented by the OP are now being PHASED out.
I STILL can't help but laugh at how women in the 21st century still want equality AND chivalry (i.e. special treatment for being born with a vagina).
Women! WAKE UP from your fairy tale dreams... you are NO princess!
don't fidget on your phone. rude and obnoxious. is the person on a date with me or his phone
usually the guy will go out of his way to pay the entire tab if he really likes me. if either of us splits the tab on the first date, either we're just practical or not interested in being more than friends. don't talk about your ex-gf or other women that he finds attractive during the convo. otherwise, I'll do the same and then we can friendzone each other simultaneously.
Don't joke about whether you are single or not.... a yes or a no works just fine. If you act unsure, that's a red flag and makes the other person want to end the date right then and there.
(plus, if you're not single... don't go on a date with a new person!! Unless you're in some sort of open relationship.. in that case, tell your date that pretty quickly).
@xXDC_luyouXx - You notice that the next thing that's said is that if she's a girl worth dating, she'll offer to pick up the tab at the next date, should there be one, so no, all of the dating expectancies are not put on men.
"if she's a girl worth dating, she'll offer to pick up the tab at the next date"
So if she isn't, that means she will have gotten a free meal out of the guy.
@Resurrectionem@xanga - It's still archaic gender scripting and with men taking the risks and having to "give first".
I'm Egalitarian so I don't abide by these ridiculous and outdated gendered dating rules. For me, I am upfront on the first date that I'm Egalitarian where we both will pay half on the first date. If we continue to date, then we take turns paying for dates.
You know there's something wrong with dating/relationships, when one gender is *EXPECTED* to pay for another.
Um...about the don't take a call? You really don't know what the person on the other end is trying to reach you about unless you take the call. This is a dumb article and I feel dumber after reading it.
I would point out how wrong #5 is, but @xXDC_luyouXx already did that.
What if a woman starts talking about rape and how either she has experienced it or someone she's close to experienced it?
@xraindropsonroses@xanga - People date multiple people all the time without being in a set relationship.
@xXDC_luyouXx - It's the gentlemanly thing to do. I offered to pay on my first date with my boyfriend, but he refused to let me and he got offended. We usually pay every other date. I'm no princess, but he sure as hell treats me as one.
@xXDC_luyouXx - i'm a woman, and i couldn't agree more. even though there is some more primal part of me that swoons when a man pulls out a chair for a woman or offers his jacket when it's cold, these things would just be nice perks every once in a while, not requirements. i have a friend who constantly complains that the guys at our university are not chivalrous, and i'm always like, "hmm...well, i'd rather have equality anyway..." i'm capable of opening doors, paying for meals, and sitting down without assistance. if a guy wants to be chivalrous sometimes, more power to him, but it would never be a dealbreaker for me if he wasn't. if he was a sexist and didn't treat me as an equal, THAT would be a serious dealbreaker.
@xXDC_luyouXx - And you are why I think it's important to be yourself on any date.
Or you could be yourself and not play bullshit games. Nah, that's too radical of a thought.
I don't mind paying the 1st date only because women are stupid about that.
so I usually just take them to get one cheap drink . I pay 5 dollars - they are happy and so am I.
I agree with all the rules except for the sex talk. Not being agressive enough is what lost me many women in the past. In North American society, women are so bored that unless you get them going soon, they lose interest.
@Rob_of_the_Sky@xanga - your sarcasm is true. If only. However, all girls play games.
@anchoredreams@xanga -
"It's the gentlemanly thing to do. I offered to pay on my first date with my boyfriend, but he refused to let me and he got offended."
And therein lies the problem. What is being a gentleman? Giving special treatment to people born with vaginas? I think I'll pass.
Him paying for you and REFUSING for you to pay is due to the -- societal mental stronghold placed on men. If a woman pays on the first date, he's mandated by society to REFUSE letting the woman pay or face the possibility of NOT getting a second date as well as being labeled -- *not* a man.
It's similar to the societal mental stronghold placed on women -- to shave their legs. There is absolutely no functional reasoning to why it's a gendered burden to remove bodyhair but -- as a woman you need to remove bodyhair or face the wrath of society that will label you as disgusting if you don't shave your legs.
Just like how it took society MILLENNIUMS to figure out that slavery is wrong, gender equality will take quite a bit of time to change societal construction -- hence gender scripting will be a thing of past; unfortunately, I will not see that in my lifetime.
Anyways, glad you have a great boyfriend.
@corporatecrow@xanga - Thank you for being a rare woman that doesn't expect special treatment! Of course, I'm sure he would "swoon" if you were to perform said actions for him -- just the same.
@vicdaily@xanga - Would be nice if everyone was "themselves" on any date but let's be honest... Whenever anyone meets any stranger, no one is EVER themselves -- due to not knowing said stranger.
@xXDC_luyouXx - Yeah I don't shave my legs much. I'm not a typical girl. Quit placing judgments on my boyfriend whom you don't know.
c o m p l i m e nt
omg.
@anchoredreams@xanga - Huh? You should read carefully. I am not placing judgments. I'm explaining gendered conventions.
I'm explaining the inner workings of the dating script where a dinner check arrives during a first date; both the guy and the girl offer to pay; and then guy refuses allowing the girl to pay.
@xXDC_luyouXx - It's a way of showing that you would be willing to take care of her in the future. I don't care if that is "archaic"--I think many girls would like to feel that a guy is willing to protect/care for/help them. A woman should help their man, too, don't get me wrong--but a guy should be willing to be a protector/buffer/provider, to an extent. Otherwise, he comes across as selfish and unloving.
@xXDC_luyouXx - Actually yes you are placing judgements. Excuse me if I have a boyfriend who is WILLING to pay. He's not forced to. He asks me a lot to pay.
It is SO rude when people check their phones, text other people, or take calls on dates or even in GENERAL! When I'm talking to my friends and they keep texting, it's so annoying! I tutor friends on my own time too and they'll just text away with their phone out and that's just plain rude! Seriously, have some manners people. Don't text when someone dedicates some time to be with you.. One or two quick calls or texts I am okay with. But to do it all the time is RUDE!
My boyfriend and I pay for alternate dates, and it's been like that from the beginning. Our first date, we went Dutch, and after that, we've paid for alternate dates, or if it's a long drive to wherever we're going (say a concert), I'll pay because he's had to pay for gas. I'd feel uncomfortable if I didn't pay my way - I'm a working girl and it's in no way his responsibility to pay for my food and nights out.