Tuesday, 15 November 2011
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It's Okay, There's Always Divorce
Here in America, we have a really high divorce rate. That almost sounds ironic because here, we can choose who we want to marry. None of that arranged marriage stuff where you meet your bride/groom for the first time at the wedding ceremony.
Is divorce the reason why we take getting married so lightly or see it as being pointless? I mean, yeah there are spouses who get abused and should have the right to, but it just seemed ridiculous when I found out that 10% of the divorcees knew that it was a mistake at or maybe before their wedding day (my psychology teacher said that to us so I can't show any evidence but whether or not that number is true, I'm sure that it has been true for some women). I heard that you can use snoring as a reason to get divorced.
And when I hear of people at an old age getting divorced, I'm always like, really, what's the point? You can't really be in the game anymore? And you just found out s/he's not perfect for you after like 20 years of marriage?
What are your thoughts on marriage? Are you ever gonna say "Yes to the dress"?
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- From: f5ye_angel5@xanga
- Name: Faye
- About Me: Some kid with a somewhat boring life yet have a complicated head. Here's my tumblr: f5ye-angel5.tumblr.com
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Comments (68)
Life's too short to be stuck in the prison of a loveless marriage.
You marry a person you love and want to share your life with. When you stop loving them and lose any desire to share your life with them, why would you stay married?
There are more divorces nowadays, but there are also fewer people stuck in loveless marriages.
Who are you to judge old people getting divorced? They obviously truly do not want to spend the rest of their life (however long that may be) with their current spouse. Why shouldn't they live rhe rest of their lives happy instead of stuck in a loveless marriage? And who's to say they can't find someone else or that they even WANT to get "back in the game"? You don't need a spouse/bf/gf to live happily.
I was married for 12 years of my life, never thought I'd end up divorced. But at the end I think I tried my best and I do would have wanted to remain at his side but thats not always something you control.
My thoughts are that marriage is pointless these days. Not many people are actually serious about being with the person they marry, maybe they just get bored and think marriage will make life more interesting? Idk. People are dumb. If you "fall out of love" you were never in love in the first place, period.
Divorce is so high in America because women no longer have to stay married because 1) Society will no longer completely ostracize them 2) A judge no longer gets to say yes or no 3) It only takes one person wanting a divorce nowadays 3) Women can leave their spouse and still work, thus being able to keep their children.
Marriage has never, ever been perfect or happy. Men used to have complete control over divorce, especially in some places in Europe. A woman often couldn't inherit from her father, brothers, uncles, nor her husband. Her money was usually "owned" by her husband even if it came from her father. So, we can't really compare how many more divorces there are now with the past, since women simply couldn't divorce before, even if their husband beat them nightly and slept with all the maids.
My thoughts on marriage are that I enjoy it a lot and am happier for it.
My other thoughts on marriage are that I work way harder on my marriage than do a lot of other people that I know. That work is necessary. You don't just end up in a blissful, morphine-drip existence by choosing a magic person made exactly for you- you work your butt off, and sometimes you change things about yourself, and sometimes it's really uncomfortable. Marriage is a combination of choosing well and hard work, and if you get one or the other wrong, there is a high chance that you will divorce.
@LoveeeLikeASunset@xanga - You most certainly can fall out of love, especially with abusive/controlling spouses. They often times keep up perfect behavior until marriage.
And I just want to add that it's completely possible these days to be happy by yourself. Like @TiredSoVeryTired@xanga said, women have choices now and can support themselves. Why would you stay married if you were miserable and there was no chance of improvement?
@armsraceofsound@xanga - @TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - I mean yeah if there are problems or whatever but it's very hard for me to believe that if you just get bored with someone, there was any love involved. That's really what I'm referring to is getting bored or finding someone new, if it was ever love I would just call it puppy love.
I fear marrige, because I fear divorce.
No, we can't marry whoever we want in America, gay marriage isn't legal everywhere here. And how do you figure that you're out of the game if you divorce after 20 years?!? What if you were married at 20, that would make you 40. Do you really think that no one over a certain age dates or gets married?!?
a couple will be very likely to get divorced if at least one of them relates to others only on a superficial level, the level of ego/persona.
when the bases of the relationship are external factors like social expectations, money, looks, etc., and then one partner suddenly matures and the other fails to catch up, you can expect them to say goodbye..
I guess, in some cases, people don't take it seriously enough. Maybe that had their dobuts, but went through with it anyway.
In other cases, the other person just completely changes and there's things that can't be worked through. We could argue that if you try hard enoug anything can be worked through. I don't necessarily agree with that.
My opinion is that marriage is something that should be taken seriously. The vows you take aren't just for fun.
However, I won't pretend to know everyone's reasoning behind getting divorced and I think we need a lot less judgement toward those that are. Just because one couple can work through their issues, doesn't mean another couple can. I think it's worth it, but not every couples relationship is the same. There's nothing worse than going through something difficult already, without a bunch of holier than thou people telling you what you should be doing and judging you for the choice you made. It's really not our place to judge, even if it's for a dumb reason.
My mom was actually advised against Divorcing my dad, by her church pastor, after finding out that he molested my sister and I. I think THAT was stupid. Telling her to stay married to a man like that? Hell no. Just no. So, sometimes, divorce is necessary and A GOOD THING. I DEFINITELY don't buy into the "Divorce is always a bad thing" line of thinking. I know plenty of people who do and it does irritate me.
I also think people don't know each other well enough before they get married. I knew everything about my husband, and he knew everything about me. There was nothing left unsaid. There were no surprises or hidden personality issues we found out about each other after we got married.
I don't approve of the divorce rate but I also don't approve of being so judgmental. Like many of the other commenters have said, divorce is preferable to a loveless marriage.
And I feel like maybe a lot of people who have been married for 20 years and then get divorced have been struggling the entire time...they deserve to be happy too. If two people are unhappy in their marriage and they'd rather get out of it than work on it, then good for them for getting divorced regardless of the fact that 19-20 year old kids are going to judge them for it.
That said, my mother has been married FIVE FU#%ING TIMES and clearly marriage is a joke to her. I am very judgmental of her for that but my dad's been divorced twice...my mother's insane and his second wife cheated on him with a guy she worked with. So do I judge my father for having had two divorces? Uh, no.
But how do you know you aren't going to get divorced eventually? With my upbringing I'm scared as hell to get married and I don't ever want to be divorced EVER, but will I sit here and say with 100% certainty that that will never happen? No, I won't.
My interest was definitely peaked by this blog. I just got married a month ago, after living with my then-fiance for almost 2 years. My brother just got married last week to a girl he has only been with for a year; they both live at home with my parents....neither has ever lived on their own, etc. I have every faith that my husband and I will be okay; It won't always be easy, and we have already been thru our fair share of tough times, but I genuinely worry about my brother and his new bride.
I honestly think that the divorce rate would be lower if people didn't rush into marriages, spent time building a home together, and really getting to know each other. With the way our economy and job market is right now, that can take a LOT out of a person. It's tough work to live with another person, share finances and take care of each other. How can you experience that until you do it? You don't know how the other person is going to handle a situation like that until you are in the thick of it. I truly believe that living together for at least a year can help a couple determine if they really are compatible....within a year, you will be faced with some major argument-invoking situations, and they can help couples to determine if they do have what it takes.
Communication is also key. If you can't talk to your spouse....it will never work.
The divorce rate has actually gone down. It is at about 40%. I love being married and am a better person for it.
No man is an island.
We marry people when we love them the most, so for most people, they can only go downhill from there.
Relationships just end sometimes, and marriage is another type of relationship. Some people just get married before they are ready for it I suppose. Or they just don't take it seriously enough.
Marriage is a joke here. We just went & applied for our license & we weren't even asked for ID. If the government isn't going to take it serious... why would anyone else?
This is besides the point of the article, but the picture shows someone's right hand. That's odd.
I think people don't take marriage seriously, enough. I also don't get it when couples who have been married for a very long time get divorced, either. But I don't really think it's something you can get until you've been there.
I don't see myself getting divorced. I doubt many people see it in their future, but I also work extremely hard on my marriage. This is not fairy tales and rainbows. Sometimes you look at the other person in disgust and there have been times when I contemplated divorce. I know where online you can get one and how much one costs. Will I take it there? No. The more my husband and I work through our problems the more I learn about myself and him, and the stronger our commitment, love, and respect for one another grows. I don't really get what it means to "fall out of love". Unless it's an extreme case like in infidelity or abuse, "falling out of love" sounds like one or both parties stopped trying. I know how it feels to want to give up, but I made a vow to partner with my husband until death. In those times I look at him and I realize that this isn't all about me, that I have to find the strength to keep it going because I'm here for him, too. That's my duty as a wife and I take it seriously.
If you really knew older people, you'd know they are still in the game. Why not divorce after 20 years? People might want a change, to move on.
I think marriage is good for those who seek the safety of monogamy. And, its good for those who want to build and share a life together. And its good for those who want children, but do not want to raise them themselves. Deciding to make a vow or commitment to each other during the ceremony ensures that both realize the seriousness of what they are promising. Divorce is for those who had good intentions, or didn't really, but for whatever reason things didn't work out.