Monday, 14 November 2011
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Been Dating For a Year and Won't Let Me Meet His Parents
This post was submitted anonymously.
It's been a year and my SO still does not want me to meet his parents. I'm starting to feel I'm not good enough for his family. We already live together and he lies to his parents saying that he still lives in the apartment he lived in three apartments ago. Now I'm pregnant with his child and I still don't get to meet the family. I feel like just leaving him since I seem to be such a big secret and he has to go to that extreme to lie. He has to leave the room to talk to his parents so they don't hear me. It's really bad and it really hurts my feelings.
I told him about it and he just walks away or gets upset. I don't think I can go on feeling like I don't matter in telling his parents they are about to have a grandson. I think it's time for me to go.
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Comments (54)
It could be more complex than that. His parents could have major issues and he just doesn't want you to get in the crossfire?
I wouldnt deal with this. This isnt fair to you. Expecially with the baby on the way you should be meeting the family and parents. I would give him the untimatum. i meet your family or i leave! good luck!
"Now I'm pregnant with his child and I still don't get to meet the family."
Is this even real?...
Unless there's a lot you're not telling us he doesn't sound very appealing. I really hope there's a lot more to the story for your sake and the baby's sake too. From what you've written all I see is a spineless liar who's infantile is his relationship with both you and his parents. I mean he apparently isn't man enough to either break off a relationship with horrible 'monster' parents who he's terrified of or to stand up to his parents assuming he has no reason to fear them or even to admit to you that you aren't someone he wants to have as a part of his family should that be the case. I would have dropped him a long time ago simply for the lying. If he'll lie to others then he's a liar and he'll lie to you too. Now you have a baby coming and this spineless guy, if he stays true to form, doesn't seem like he'll be winning any father of the year awards. I'm so sorry you and you're little one are stuck in this and again I really really hope that there's a lot you're not telling us that would work in his favor.
Its time to air it all out and get to the bottom of why and make sure the "why" is the truth... since he is so bent on lying to his parents and if you are not happy with the answers maybe it is time to go after you have a serious talk with him.
Drop him. He's a liar. If he's already on this level of lying I wouldn't want to stick around to see how big his lies could become. How old are you guys? I thought secret relationships were something teenagers did. But you guys sound like you're at least in your early 20s and if there's a baby involved soon how the hell is he going to try and keep THAT a secret? Even if he finally fessed up the whole story to his parents and you got to meet them, he's still a liar and I'm sure he'll do it again. I imagine he would be put under so much pressure from his lie, that it may spell a not so great situation for you.
If he can't give you or even trust you with a reason why you can't meet his parents and even gets upset when you try to ask, there's something way too fishy going on. So, demand answers. If you don't get them then I'd be trying to organize a healthy and new environment for you and your baby boy very soon, preferably before he's born.
tell him the child isn't his. that'll show him
I'm sorry but I know from experience, if your boyfriend (or girlfriend) wont introduce you to their family or friends, they dont honor the relationship. He's lying about his life. It's not that you're not good enough for his family, he's not mature or good enough for YOU! I would get out of the relationship. It's not healthy for you or you baby. Your child will never be happy if you arent & you deserve better.
just gonna throw this out there, but maybe you should've thought of this before you got yourself knocked up. and within a year of seeing this guy? how old are you, anyway?
Take his phone and find his parents number. Call them and let them know they have a grandchild on the way.
@Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga - I'd hope he'd tell her if this were the case, but I've been here. My ex was from an incredibly abusive family and was unable to completely sever ties with them for the majority of our relationship. Sometimes it can be a protective measure, but it should be something you discuss together.
Since you're so upset, though, I'm guessing this probably isn't the case. If he's not willing to introduce you to his parents for no given reason, then he's likely trying to keep some distance as to not have you become any type of permanent fixture in his life. I mean, if he were planning on being with you for omgforever, he'd have told them already. You really think in 10 years he's going to tell them that he's secretly married with several children, even though it sounds as though he speaks with them often?
Geeeez.
@NikBv@xanga - I was thinking the same thing. lol if she were seriously pregnant then he would have no choice in the matter blood is blood. No way around that one
@NikBv@xanga - Thats what I was wondering O_o
oh my, if you are pregnant already and he's still not letting you met his parent? that's is VERY wrong. if he loves you and sees you as the one, he'd be dying to tell his parent!! you should tell his parent yourself that you are having their grandson, then leave ur SO.
I dated a guy for 3 years and never met his family. I later found out he was a pathological liar. I think this is a HUGE red flag and it seems you have already come to the conclusion to get out and i think it's the right one. If he's willing to lie about you to them, what is he lying to you about? He's shady and hiding something.
So I'm guessing he isn't telling you why? I can understand if maybe he wants nothing to do with his family himself....but he needs to explain himself BIG TIME.
I dated my ex and I wouldn't introduce him to my parents.
Because he wasn't good enough to meet my family and I knew the relationship was never gonna go anywhere.
when you confront him and he gets upset enough to walk out than actually EXPLAIN the situation, that should have been the biggest red flag RIGHT there. Esp if you live together and you got yourself in this situation, he should man up and do something about it...introduce his parents to his wife-to-be with a baby on the way~!~! If he doesn't make the move, although you have brought up this issue more than once in the recent time frame, then you should figure out a way to leave; a place to stay temporarily, at least.
BTW did you tell YOUR parents? Did you have him meet your parents and that you're pregnant? It's not always about the man and his family, it might be that if you haven't introduced your bf to your parents, he's waiting for YOU to follow your own advice/wants too?
GOOD LUCk
It's possible that he's trying to protect the relationship, but I would need more information to really nail it down.
In my most recent long-term relationship, I wouldn't introduce my girlfriend to my parents because prior experiences proved to be detrimental in past relationships. I've since made amends and have no qualms with introducing a girlfriend to my parents, as long as they don't get too involved in my life. This only happened very recently, though.
Yeah but think about it...the child you are going to have is not just YOUR child. It's his child too. I don't think it would be completely fair if you just walked out. But at the same time, I see where you're coming from. This is a tough situation. Do what you think is best for you and your kid. If you stay with him, the truth will come out eventually. It's just a matter of when. The sooner the better. Enforce the issue with your guy. The problem will just get bigger the longer you wait. If things don't work out and if you can, fall back on your own family if they are willing to support you and your child.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - what, as though she took his sperm and shoved it up her vagina all by herself? He helped make the baby. He needs to own up to it.
Give the relationship a break if you feel like he doesn't value you and try to get to the bottom of his secretiveness. If his parents expect him to marry a certain type of girl, ie: certain nationality or religion, he may not know how to break it to them. they might also be completely nuts, so in the end you might consider his secretiveness a blessing. Before you're completely done with it, try to be as understanding as possible when bringing it up. Maybe get a little creative with how you ask him and bring it up in a relaxed way.
Why in the hell did you stick around long enough to get pregnant? You should have left when he first started going out of the room to talk to them. Tell him to either be a man and tell them or you're going to pack up and leave.
it's not right on his part, but if you walk out now, the bigger loss is on you. Already knowing the kind of person he is and his respect for you and the relationship (which is none)...you will make everything easier for him by walking away and bearing the child/troubles on your own. He is responsible for the child and has to share the responsibility of taking care of the baby! Gotta find ways to let his parents know...no lies can be hidden forever.
I think there is more to this than what you are telling. If it really is that you are being a nice gf, pregnant gf for that matter, and he is treating you in this manner, then it is; one, yes he feels his family will not approve of you and that they would feel you are not on par for what they expect for him, and two, you're pregnant. If I was dating a girl that my parents did not existed and she got pregnant, I'd want to keep it a secret, and her, until I get my s!@# together and can come and say, I have a wife, a kid, a house and a stable job. Better than, I have a girl I've been f!@#ing for a year, a baby, not so stable job and I'm still going to school. In essence, he may be embarassed of you, or he may be embarassed for himself. Again this is assuming that you are not hiding any wrong doings on you part or anything else that may make it reasonable for him not to want to share this with them, eg you're his cousin, your someone they know's wife/partner that he has been sleeping with, etc.. You get the drift.