Sunday, 13 November 2011
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Do I Take Him Back?
My story is pretty simple, in that...
Girl falls for boy, boy falls for girl. They date, break up, but never travel far from each other. What I mean by this is, physically, nothing changed.So pretty much, Simon* and I met about 10 months ago when we wound up in the same dorm at University. We hit it off pretty fast and grew very close. At the time of beginning Uni, I was still very involved with Tom* and wasn't even considering moving on from him. However, Simon allowed me to do this, he proved to me that not all boys were like Tom and I ended up falling for him like any girl would. We had a really good relationship (short, but good). It wasn't until one night when I spoke to him about him acting distant that all of that changed.
We spoke and cried and deliberated and cried some more, until it was obvious that we had broken up. I cried all night, for the following 2 weeks. I was so upset. After this I had 4 weeks away from him where my plan was to move on, completely. I thought I was successful at this, until I returned to Uni and had a bit to much to drink and ended up back where I began, in his bed.This continued to happen all semester, so much so, that at one point, I was drinking primarily to end up with him, which my bank balance and liver were not happy about! He made me feel so special and precious that I just kept missing him more and more, so much so that I took so many steps back and ended up back to the emotional stability of the night we broke up.A few weeks ago Uni ended for good and we said our goodbyes and both planned to move on. It wasn't until last week when I texted him telling him that he can't drunk text or call me anymore, because I need to move on and in order for me to be able to do this, I needed to cut off all ties with him. I told him that I still wanted him more than anything but I felt that he was moving on and I wanted the chance to do this too. It wasn't until I said this that he told me he still loved me. He told me everything I wanted to hear, that he misses me so much and never wanted to break up but thought it was for the best. Pretty much everything I thought he had been feeling is exactly how he thought I'd been feeling.So my dilemma now is, distance. If we get back together we won't be seeing each other (realistically - we may see each other once or twice) until February 2012, when Uni starts back. I'm worried about starting off in a long distance relationship and how it will turn out. I don't want to make any mistakes this time. But then my other option is waiting til Uni starts. Pros Vs. Cons.Getting together now:
PROS:- We'd be together again.- The distance could make us stronger.- It will be more special when we do finally meet up again.
CONS:- He's 10 hours north of Sydney.- I don't get to see him.- Phone sex isn't great.- I'll miss him more than I do.- The distance will be too hard and we'll end it on the basis of that.Waiting:
PROS:- We'll actually spend time together whilst were dating.- No distance.- Sex.
CONS:- I have to wait 3 more months before I get him.- We could end up falling for someone else.- 3 months is a long time to wait for someone.- I hate waiting.- I've waited this long for him that 3 more months feels unbearable.I really don't know, I want to start it all now and deal with the distance but I'm worried he won't and he'll fall for some other girl. I really need to talk to him, but I guess I just wanted some stories of anyone who has had to deal with a similar situation, or is currently in a LDR and could give me some advice.Just an added extra is that we have numerous breaks throughout the year, so we'd have to get used to being apart as well. AND he's doing policing at Uni which is only 2 years, whereas my course is 4 years, and after 2 more years he would be going to Goulburn for 8 months for police training and that is a fair way away from me. I think whatever happens distance is going to be a big issue with this relationship, I am up for it because he's worth it though.What to do....
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About the Author
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- From: itsjustlifexo@xanga
- Name: itsjustlifexo
- About Me: Sometimes, i get sad. But, i'm only human i suppose.
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Comments (55)
Wait...so the big deal here is three months? Three...months...?! How much sex are you really going to be missing out on in three months? o_o
@raedium@xanga - I knew as soon as I mentioned sex in here that would be the main focal point. The issue isn't the sex, it was just something I thought about, considering we had a very physical relationship even after we broke up. I know 3 months isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things, but it's the point of starting a relationship back up after being and living together previously to then have to be hundreds of kilometres away and not see each other for that period of time. My issue was really whether it was a smart idea to start it back again and deal with the distance or wait.
3 months is NOTHING.
It all comes down to how patient you both are. 3 months doesn't seem long at all, but to some people they might hate the wait and not want to go through with it. Right now I'm in a long distance and I agree it can be hard. If you both care about each other as much as you mentioned, then waiting shouldn't be a problem.
I just went to university this year, me and my boyfriend are 8 hours away (not as far as you but still far!) so I understand your confusion on what to do. You're gonna miss him and at times, and it is going to get really hard at times, but if you guys really care about each other it will work out for you. You just need to trust in each other and what you have and try not to worry about what can happen, cuz thats what screws us over. dont worry, itll workout.
occupy yourself. its not so long afterall.
Wait three months. If the distance isn't permanent, then there aren't really too many issues here. If you really can't handle distance, then this is the best option.
Seriously, you're whining over THREE MONTHS? Good God, that's not a whole lot of time! Boo hoo! Try dealing with a year and a half and then get back to me with your sob story.
if he falls for another girl in 3 months, then I'd question how strong his feelings and loyalty were for you.
@brokensavy@xanga - Thank you (: It's nice to know someone understands what my worries are.
@linguistic_nonsense@xanga - Thing thing that I don't understand is why would would bother throwing your input in here? Honestly, I didn't write to you personally and you chose to read it and then furthermore comment. I stand by the whole 'If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all'. My question wasn't asking whether 3 months is a worthwhile amount of time to be upset over and miss someone. So thanks for trying, maybe next time.
my hubby and I dated long distance (Florida to Calgary, Canada) for 13 months before we got married.Was it hard? Heck yea. Was it worth it? Yes!!! Use the time to build up your friendship with him without the distraction of being within arms reach of eachother. The 3 months could be a huge boost to your communication in your relationship with him.
you know the saying, distance makes the heart grow fonder. =)
the gap between the last time i visited my (then) fiance until he moved was 4 months and I thought I was going to die. but we made it, and so will you guys. Its not easy. but try not to see it as a weak point, but rather something that can make you stronger as a couple.
To all the people saying three months is nothing, you're not being very empathic. Three months would be a hell of a long time without my partner. If your partners are off in the army (or something) and you're angry and/or in pain then tap into some of that empathy and don't be so nasty!
To the author, only you can work out if the LDR is worth all the cons. Do you trust him? Why has he only just told you now that he wants you? Do some soul searching. You can get all the advice you want from people but between your own heart and head you have weigh it all up, do some soul searching and make a choice. It may even be the wrong choice, but life is about pain, mistakes and learning from them just as much as it is about love, happiness and contentment. I'm sure whatever happens it will all work out in the end, even if it works itself out in an undesirable way. Maybe he's not right (you've already tried and broken up), maybe he is right and you have to stick it through the distance and hard times to get to the good. Good luck
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - Thank you :) I love that their are people out there who were strong enough and in love enough to pursue long distance. I've never thought much of distance because any boy i'd ever been with has been within a close distance. I too believe that it will be beneficial and if we can last the distance, then we can get through anything. Thank you for your input !!
@chadwilly@xanga - Thank you for that :) I know what you mean, at the end of the day it is my life and I have to make the decision about it.
i was never fond of long distance relationships too but once i got into one, it made me realize a lot about relationships and who i am as a person. to me, it sounds more like this is a need issue than anything. just because two people are dating, doesn't mean they have to spend every waking moment together. i know a lot of people who are in ldr and they make it work. trust me, my brother and sister in law have been married for about 2 years now and on average he travels about 2 weeks per month for work and they have a great relationship. it's called communication. the physical thing isn't as important when you look at the big picture.
wow 3 months...if you really want to be with him then fucking wait and stop bitching about 3 FUCKING MONTHS!!!
@chadwilly@xanga - 3 months is NOT that long if you love someone...yeah it might suck but find something to do to distract yourself.
@dead_poetic009xx@xanga - Wow thanks so much for that wonderful advice. I know 3 months isn't a long time. But after our previous relationship where we lived together and spent a lot of time together it is a significant amount of time to be apart. This isn't helpful at all, if you've got something going on with distance thats fine, but i didn't ask for any negative comments. Keep them to yourself.
I know right now that 3 months probably seems like a lifetime, but if you get super busy and try not to think about him as much (hang out with friends, etc). You can always use Skype, email or talk on the phone when you miss him! Also, just think about how great the reunion will be when you see him in three months. :) If you're worried about him falling for another girl, then this will be a good test to see if he can withstand three months apart from you (and a good test for yourself as well). If he does cheat or find another girl (*knock on wood), then you know that this relationship isn't meant to be.
Haha, rereading my own advice, I know it's going to be difficult. I was with my boyfriend for four years before he had to go to Taiwan. It was really hard on me, especially seeing him every few days/week to ... not being able to talk to him at all. I went through about six months on my own. It was really hard, but I learned to be much more dependent on myself, and I also got to spend more time with my family and friends and focus on school and all that. He came back for a month, and now I probably won't see him again until December. Long distance really sucks. Especially seeing all my roommates have their boyfriends around and them flirting. I get really grumpy and sad. But just think that this experience will help your relationship and you grow. And before you know it, three months will be over in just a blink of an eye! :)
In my experience, long distance doesn't work. Ignore all the people telling you to stop bitching about it! Maybe you should wait, and see if he still wants to be with you in three months time when you're back at university and studying and doing other things too. That's not to say you guys can't still talk before then, but it might make it easier for both of you as you won't have any romantic pressure :)
@a_single_raindrop@xanga - Haha you're so right, 3 months seems so daunting, even though in reality it really isn't that long. Thats exactly what i'm thinking about, it'll make it so much more special when we are together and when we do get to finally see each other. Also I think we'll appreciate each other a lot more. I know he wouldn't cheat, theres no way and I have been open and told him that as soon as he starts having doubts I want him to come to me. So it's not like i'm being irrational about him falling for someone else. Thats tough, you must be very strong to go that long. I admire that a lot!
@written_conversations@xanga - Thank you for that! I've always been hesitant about long distance as well but I think he's worth it this time. I don't think we can avoid romance however haha :)
@itsjustlifexo@xanga - by posting on a public blog you get what people think...and i think it's ridiculous you make such a big deal over 3 months. if you make it through the 3 months your relationship will be stronger
Do the long distance relationship. It will force your relationship to be more than just about sex, which it seems to have revolved around for the last while. A strong relationship requires to you also be great friends, not just friends with benefits, so use this time to build that up in your relationship if it's lacking (it can always get stronger if you think it's ok now!). If you work on this you'll have a much better chance in my opinion of staying together for a longer time this time around. Plus it'll give you a chance to practice still remaining independent and doing things that you enjoy while also being in a relationship with someone which is a really important skill to have and can be easier to learn from a long distance relationship.
flip a coin, it works.
Three months....? Don't make me laugh.. that's nothing.. =] Just wait it out three months. Things are still fresh, if you still feel the same way you do now, and he does too, you'll know it was worth it.