Saturday, 12 November 2011
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A Hurt Pride
So, I'm "talking" to this guy, talking as in " " because I'm not quite sure what we are doing but I'll admit on my part, there are feelings there. Also according to him, he feels the same way. About a week ago, I sent him a group picture of my friends and I, through a text message. His response was, "Looks fun. One on the left is cute ;) ". From the picture perspective it can go either way... IN the picture I was on the left... looking AT the picture, my friend was on the left.
When I read his response, my first thought was that he was looking at my friend, because usually when you look at a picture, you look at it from your perspective instead of from the picture, you know what I mean? It shocked me and I was a little hurt by his comment, but since there is nothing official between us, I responded with, "Yeah she is cute, would you like her number?" and kind of just blew it off. Week long story short, he made the comment about my friend looking cute 2 more times. All 3 times, I NEVER once threw out, "what do you think about my friends?" Each time, I was hurt but like I said, since we're not bf and gf, I blew it off and responded with, well if you're interested, let me know. I mean since I'm not his gf, I can't technically get emotional and yell at him for making that comment.
I mean of course I think my friends are hotties and beautiful. But, to make that comment to the person who you are supposedly interested in? Isn't it common sense not to say that kind of stuff to the other person whether it's a girl or guy? I have never had that said to me nor have I ever done that to a guy I was talking to, even if I think his friends are cute. You just don't say that kind of thing, UNLESS they specially ask for your opinion... right? Or am I wrong?
The second time he made the comment of her looking cute, he did call to say that he was joking about my friend, but then why would he go and say it the THIRD time? It broke my heart. I'm so hurt. And honestly I can't let it go. Every time I think about it, I start to cry. It hurt my pride, my self-esteem, and it made me look at my friend differently. I kind of threw hints at him that I'm really hurt at what he did. At first he couldn't figure out why I was hurt, then he figured it out but still didn’t apologize for it. I even think he doesn't see the mistake in that... is there a mistake in that comment or just girly jealous emotions?
My friends say to bring it up to him and let him know, but to me, I feel that if I was to explain it to him, then he could easily make up some excuse. I want him to see it himself and understand why it was wrong. Because like I said, whether it’s a girl or guy, you don't say that about their friends to them. I feel childish for feeling this way and knowing I should explain it to him, yet at the same time, it hurts and I can't let it go and really, does this need explaining?! Isn't it obvious to why I would be hurt? Or why it is wrong to make that comment?
Am I being too stubborn? Is my pride too prideful and hurt to let this go? Or do I have a valid reason for being hurt and not being able to forgive him?
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- From: Ms_s0cal@xanga
- About Me: to sum it up: "every women has a STORY. its not how you TELL it. its how you LIVE it"-maybelline. I blog about my so-called "life" on xanga...
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Comments (35)
I can see how that would put you off. My self esteem might be a little shot, too. If I were you I'd straight up tell him because guys don't like to play guessing games. Let him know why it hurt your feelings but don't be overly dramatic. After all, you asked him if he wanted her number...
Wait you're serious
even if you were his girlfriend, i'd still argue that you wouldn't be justified in living at him.
anyway, you need to get over it. he's going to find girls attractive, just like you're going to find other guys attractive.
Pride? Stubborn? It's none of which you've mentioned.
I believe normal people call it, stupidity.
You're not stubborn. If a guy who is supposedly interested in me or dating me goes out of his way to call my friends cute/hot/etc. with some stupid winky face, I would drop him in a heartbeat. I did it before to a guy who wouldn't shutup about my best friend and I'm so glad he did. It just shows that he's more interested in her than me. Even if it wasn't my friend he was obsessing over, I would dump him. If he shows any kind of interest (I mean bringing her up more than once) in a certain girl, why should I be wasting my time? Why is he wasting HIS time?
Woah you just need to chill out and not worry about it so much. It's just one guy, who cares?
Just let it go.
ehhh I see it as a signel that he's not that interested.
he was interested in you but when you sent him that picture, he reconsidered it, and maybe wanted to be with her instead, hence his 3x mention of her name OR he wanted you to be jealous because he thinks that means that you really like him, so since you casually blew it off and asked him, "yeah she is cute, would you like her number?" and "well, if you're interested, let me know." then he thinks that...why would a girl that is supposedly interested in him say stuff like that. so he's testing you or he's just a jerk. who really knows what game he's playing. you never directly asked him what he thought about your friends, but by sending him a group pic of your friends, it would be implying for some type of reaction and he happened to blurt out something offensive, which he should've stopped the first time, but he did it two more times:x since he doesn't know if your friend would be mutually interested in him like you are, then he doesn't want to ask her for her number yet, but probably for you to relay the message to her that he thinks she's cute and has been mentioning her quite a bit, and if she feels the same, then you'll relay the message back to him, so he'll take the next step once he knows that he won't be rejected. so maybe he's a coward and using you as a wingwoman.
... you still talking "" to him? or? ... i don't get it.
You're just talking, don't even bother going further imo
sorry hun, he's just not that into you. find a better one who won't check out your friends
nah i personally don't think you are being way
tooserious. id be pretty annoyed. once its fine because whatever he's a human being. but saying it twice, should be enough of a red flag. i'd cut off ties before it gets any further bc clearly and sorry to say this you seem to be more interested in him than he is in you.
I might be hurt, but at the same time unless you're like making out or going on dates then I don't think you have a leg to stand on. Good luck.
I'm kinda in the same boat with a guy i'm "talking" to....I would suggest NOT doing what I did and blowing up on him when you've been drinking at a bar. I know everyone says to just talk about it with him...but I get that it's a really uncomfortable situation. I personally just sucked it up and had the talk...you probably should to. Fingers Crossed!!
Well, I understand why you'd feel a little hurt thinking a guy you like is more interested in your friend(s), but you're kind of unnecessarily making it harder for yourself. He might not be your boyfriend, but even if he was, sometimes people say something that they don't realize will hurt someone else. I'm not saying that if he was your boyfriend, that this particular situation shouldn't be obvious to him. I'm saying that you should just ask him how he feels about you and mention that there are mixed signals with the comments he made. Guys don't automatically know why girls are upset. This obviously isn't a one-way street, I've just noticed that it's mostly girls who secretly hope guys will recognize something they might have done and make up for it(even if it's something silly). I'll admit that I used to fall victim to this assumption in my early relationships, but that's just how we learn about how relationships work.
Guys are not mind readers. You will never have a successful relationship if you do not keep the lines of communication open.
this guys a jerk, keep looking.
sometimes guys interest in other people is a huge indicator of how not interested he is. if ever someone asks what my roomie looks like, how my sister looks or something like that--- i immediately throw them in the "forget about it" pile where im still open minded- yet time will always prove they're not really worth mine.
and i dont mean "just asking" we can tell the difference. and comments like that- are disrespectful and a good future boyfriend wouldnt be pulling that... do you even want to be with someone that insensitive who doesnt care about your feelings THAT much when he knows better? of course not. thats just rude.
I know everyone says to just talk about it
with him...but I get that it's a really uncomfortable situation. I
personally just sucked it up and had the talk...you probably should to.
Fingers Crossed!!
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THANKS everyone for the input. Very insightful. Although deep down I knew but what is a girl to do?! when I like someone, I tend to be blinded? in denied? about certain things... don't get me wrong I have my limits too...but yes, this weekend, I had the talk with him, in a mature adult way, and I ended things. THANKS again!
@dazed_and_confuzed -
it really is an uncomfortable situation, esp. when I have never been in it. It's almost like, you're mad yet it really is hurtful, esp. to your pride and self esteem!! BUT you know guys tends to be a little clueless when it comes to this kind of stuff. so you give them the benefit of the doubt yet they do it...3 times regardless... so yes it was uncomfortable situation but i did, have the talk. THANK for you input! =)
You know, when I first read it, I thought maybe it was him testing you.
Like, maybe he wanted to make you jealous and more into him.Or maybe he wanted to see your response to gauge how much you really do like him or something? Like maybe he feels like you don't like him that much since you're (seemingly) willing to hook him up with your friend?
I'd just be straight up with him tho.Chances are he's just being a guy. Everyone judges other people, regardless of whether or not they're in a relationship, talking, whatever. it's just natural.
@cheesecakeloverk@xanga - thanks for your input too, I also got that feeling and so did my friends, of him testing me. but there's quite an age gap between us ( i didn't mention that in the post because its a whole another story!!!) , and I just felt it was to childish of him to test me at my age! LOL, even though it did affected me. Although I talked to him about it, it wasn't really settle. Rather the way he wanted to discuss it, I realized I don't need this in my life right now, even if there is a part of me that wants him to be in my life. on to the next fish right?! LOL.
Are you seriously this asinine?
Some men like to rib their women, see how they'll take it and whatnot. You obviously can't, so you ain't worth the guy.
I am man, and I have spoken on this issue.
Like others said, it seems like he isn't into you and he's really insensitive.
NEXT! :P