Friday, 11 November 2011
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The Guy You Can't Help But Fall in Love With
I was talking on the phone with a friend of mine, and she was telling me about how she went thrift store shopping with an eboyfriend the other day. They only dated for a few months, SEVEN YEARS AGO, but he was her first love and her first sex. She's in a serious relationship with someone else, she's no longer attracted to him at all, but when she's around him, she can't help but become that girl she was seven years ago - to some degree - and find herself swooning a bit. Something she is embarrassed about, keeps to herself (and me), but
cannot help.To be fair, I think there are just certain people you click with. There's nothing concrete about it, but there's a certain way they talk, and a certain sense of humor they have, a certain look they give without realizing they give it, that makes you a giggling girl inside.So, I'm curious if you guys have these people in your life too. I can think of three of my own:
1) The boy I had a crush on in high school. He was never, ever interested, and that was okay with me; I understood; I was never bitter or heartbroken or anything, but I couldn't help but turn into this stupid mess of a love-sick puppy whenever I was around him. I've seen him once since high school, and he had gained some weight, I was dating someone better-looking, was NOT interested in him, etc, and it was SO LONG AGO that I didn't feel anything in reality, but a part of me was transformed back to the girl that had a huge crush on him.
2) A teacher from high school. This is by far the most embarrassing one because A) he was a married teacher and B) the reunion-after-the-crush happened at a funeral of a girl from my class (who had been in his classes with me). There is probably nothing weirder and more inappropriate than reverting back to having a school girl crush on a teacher at a friend's funeral. NO part of me wanted that. I think his wife was even next to him when he came up and said hi. Just thinking about it makes me uncomfortable again, but I couldn't help but revert back to batting my eyes at him and longing for him....
3) My current boyfriend. This is, I guess, the happy story of the three. My current boyfriend and I only started dating about nine months ago, but we met around six years ago while I was in college. We've just had one of those "never the right place/time" relationships, in which we knew there had been something there, but it just didn't happen, we would date other people, we stayed in touch as "friends" (in hindsight, the "friendship" was more about being still romantically attracted to each other than friendships should be), and we almost dated twice....
Finally I realized that I wasn't going to let excuses get in the way anymore and I moved back home to be closer to him and see where this relationship would lead. Sure enough, it wasn't just that chemistry that exists in emails or facebook chat, it was something real. And we're together now.
I think examples like my boyfriend and I are pretty rare; I think in general, The Guy You Can't Help But Love is just one of those animal attractions that you can't quite get rid of. And now that I make this list, I wonder if there are other crushes I've had that I HAVEN'T talked to since in which I'd feel the exact same way.
Here's the trippiest part: these first two men have had almost NO influence on my romantic life. I don't have any past boyfriends that I've felt this way about personally (unless my current boyfriend, whom I almost dated, counts), although obviously other girls do.
Why is it sometimes someone insignificant who does this to us, and sometimes someone very significant? Have you guys had this happen to you? And who are the people it's happened with, just past crushes or something more?
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- From: digame_sucio@xanga
- Name: Kate
- About Me: Blonde does not equal dumb. (Ditsy, in my case, but certainly not dumb.) Hippie does not equal pot smoker. (Some of us actually care about peace, the environment, social justice, etc.) Mennonite does not equal Amish. (However, we do believe in a non-official rumpspringa, which leads me to...) Irish DOES equal social drinker.
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Comments (26)
This relates back to the idea of the relational self, that when we are in the presence of someone we know (or once knew) well, we transform into that person that we usually are with them, which is different than who we are with another person. This explains why you still act flirtatious and shy when you run into an old crush. It just reflects that relational self you have with that person. Sometimes they stick around like in your case, but most times if you don't see that person for several years, the relational self often fades.
@GagaMonster - Excellent, well written comment. This is sometimes true, but there's one man in my life that no matter how much time we spend apart, everything just clicks and we're back in it. It all depends on just how much impact that person had on your life, how much time you spent with them, etc.
I have a current crush on a guy, my boss, but that's because he looks too good to be true or like a fake person because I was lovestruck the moment that I saw him. I was so shy that I couldn't even look him in the eye
the guys in my past that I used to like don't do much for me anymore now that I compare them with my current superficial crush, who is a lot better looking. it also has to do with my boss being the vice president of our company and he has authority, so I think that's hot
I have a crush. It was, even more than I realized, nearly a "crush at first sight". The other day I found an old journal and read where I had had a dream about him, way before I remember admitting to myself I was crushing on him.
It's just one of those things, something about him...and he crushes some on me too. Even when we are dating others...can't quite ignore the electricity between us. Outside observers have drawn their own conclusions, that there is something deeper than a crush between us. I don't know. I have "feelings" for him, but feelings can fool us.
There is a physical attraction, but that's not the biggest part of it. His antics make me smile. I even love the way he smells, I get goose bumpy at the sound of his voice. Ahhhhhh....
I dated a girl on and off (more off than on, but during the "off" times there was a LOT of romantic tension) for most of high school. I think she's a total boy crazy idiot now and I'm so glad things didn't work out between us (I legitimately thought at the time that we had a good shot at being married at some point).
Boy-crazy idiot though she may be, we're on good terms and see each other every so often when I'm in town (think; once a year). And a part of me still has a super soft spot for her and wants to win her over.
So, I know exactly what you're talking about.
My boyfriend is the only guy I can't help but fall in love with over and over again.
Although there is this one guy that I had a crush on for seven years, I still get kind of shy when he comes around.
Hm, the first guy that pretty much came into my mind when I read the title was my middle school crush-ish (I say "ish" just because... my feelings for him never really developed. If that makes sense o_O). He told me he liked me back then, but I never took it seriously... After middle school, I never saw him again until about two years ago at one of my friend's birthday party. All the memories flooded back into my mind when we started talking again... xD.
Right now, I have a crush on one of the TA's at my internship -_-. It sucks.
i like a friend of mine. He's nice and sincere and makes me laugh. Cutes thing ever. Great in bed. ALAS
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AH! I know the feeling. :)
This is like Robin in How I Met Your Mother... when she had that loser boyfriend (Dawson from Dawson's Creek) who took advantage of her and didn't care about her. When they were going to meet up again and he looks out of shape, gross, was still a douche, she couldn't help but still swoon over him.
"just one of those animal attractions that you can't quite get rid of" hits the nail on the head- if you can't act on a crush it is just so much more potent because it's forever in fantasy mode.
Also, I love the pic at the top of this blog. Hi-larious.
I can't help but fall in love with my husband over and over again.
The Guy with Whom You Can't Help but Fall in Love*
I feel that way about one person... it can be really nice, and really awful at the same time.
I have one guy that I can't even trust myself to speak to because of my weakness where he's concerned. Thankfull only one guy has the power to set my entire world spinning and I can now fairly easily avoid him.
I totally know what you mean! Mine is pretty close to the same as your number one up there. An old high school friend I had a crush on, and never got closure on. Every time I have seen him since moving out of province, I still feel like that goofy high school girl, and I can never help but wonder "what if?".
Thankfully, my current SO seems to have crushed that away, since it was always really awkward. Said high school crush is the brother of one of my friends, haha.
Ross and Rachel in Friends?
I want to say thank you for writing this. I was so confused when I ran into my boyfriend a few months ago and the hidden feelings I had for him came out again. It even made me consider breaking up with my current boyfriend because I wasn't feeling the same for him. Now I know that I'm not the only one this happens for, so it clears the problem up greatly. Thanks again.
For me, the stuff you're describing only occurs when I revisit the guys made up in my head :D When I'm done with being infatuated with a crush, they're almost invisible to me afterwards.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - This sound so... korean drama-ish? :D Maybe I've been watching too much korean/taiwanese dramas.
@DesiFlyGurl00@xanga - I guess I'm living the kdrama in real life. I feel similarly about my boss as when I look at dennis o'neil
lol
oohh. i met this guy at some convention thing in college (about 6years ago). the first time we met/talked, we just clicked. there was just SOMETHING there. but he lived an island away. and even though we could never make it work out because long distance just sucks, we always bumped into each other and i always ALWAYS get that...that FEELING every. single. time. my current boyfriend is insanely jealous of him.
Wow, this is kind of funny to think about, yet so true. I'd always get confused about who I really am because around different people I wasn't always the same. Good to know I'm not the only one reverting back to other selves.
This happened with my current boyfriend. I have liked him for two years, but we never actually talked. I think it was just curiosity. We started talking as friends this summer, and I eventually started falling for him. I was scared to tell him, but we clicked instantly and we always talking. I dated a guy before him for about three weeks, and I'm not sure why, but then finally I realized that my boyfriend was the right person, because he was always there for me even if I was dating a douchebag. We had a few skirmishes before we dated, but we fixed our kinks and now we are a happy couple hitting six months on Saturday :D I love him so much. He treats me like I deserve and he never pressures me or anything. He is the best.