Wednesday, 09 November 2011

• Looking for Reciprocity, and Both the "Comforting" and "Hot" Qualities

  
  "I had completely forgotten what he looked like." That's the kind of thought that runs through your mind when meeting up with your LDB, at least in this case.

  We had known each other for almost two years when I had had enough. The distance was too much. He said goodbye with this untormented, relaxed smile, happy to have met me yet again, and then it was followed by months of internal hollowness. I never knew when we were going to see each other again. He was not bothered, but I was. Not only that, there were plenty of problems within our "relationship". I felt stuck, like I could never meet anyone so nice ir so caring ever again. Someone who would never hurt me. I honestly thought I could never click with anyone else who would understand me. He was a big comfort. But I felt unsure of how much I liked him, so I gathered the courage to start seeing others. Later I realized that all of these feelings and actions were due to inexperience and insecurities. I should have moved on earlier.

  The same spring, I met someone who was romantic, fabulous in every way, intelligent, and everything I had ever wished for in a man. He cooked, he got me little gifts, he even smelled better. I was infatuated.
  
  Of course he shattered my heart in a few weeks.  He was not infatuated. Nonetheless, I have experienced two very different types of "relationships" from two very different guys.

  Now, I'm trying not to see the world in black and white, but it's difficult. The good, nice and comforting LDR and the sexy straightforward romantic guy. I don't regret anything, but I have yet to experience someone who has both the comforting qualities and the hot qualities (I would not describe it as "bad boy"). Most importantly, someone where the admiration is mutual.  Will I ever experience any of this, and what is it that I have experienced?

  Have you experienced anything like this?

   

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