That phrase essentially sums up my entire uneventful adolescent sham of a love life and precisely explains why I am stranded on a camel in the Desert of Love.
My main problem with the concepts of love and relationships is that I'm pretty sure I don't understand what the former is, and I've never really had one of the latter.
Well, that isn't true. I understand what love is (I've seen Sleepless in Seattle), but it seems I am incapable of actually applying it to my own situation. Why?
My issue is that I tend to idealize people and superimpose characteristics that I hope to find in men onto severely less-than-perfect people. Then I immediately fall in love- not with the person themselves, but with the idea
and fantasy of what our relationship could be like and how our life together would more or less be copied directly out of a Disney film (because, naturally, all high school relationships end in marriage). And then I get mad or disappointed when the person- who by this point I have built up in my mind to godlike status- isn't exactly
as I imagined them to be.
I'm not naive; I know that for a fact. I understand that falling in "love" with the idea of someone is masochistic and inexplicably stupid
. I've wasted years of my life pining after the idea of someone, only to find out that they were selfish, crass, and not the Prince Charming that I had designed him as in my mind.
It's just that I'm a diehard romantic, and I am obsessed with everything having a happy ending. The men are supposed to be kind, smart, caring, charming, and chivalrous, not to mention well-dressed. In reality, the divorce rate in America is at 50%, and there are a lot of men who are cruel, disgusting, oblivious, and total slobs
As a perfectionist and a hopeless romantic, the idea that a man may not reach every one of my lofty expectations is unsettling to me, so I just keep fixing all of their tiny imperfections until I end up with some kind of absurd Adonis who is absolutely nothing
like the pimply-face seventeen-year-old whose only passions are playing Xbox and stealing condoms from his older brother's nightstand (not that I've ever liked anyone that awful).What do you think? Have you ever fallen in love with the "idea" or someone, or do you learn to work with people's imperfections?