First off, I'm in a relationship with a guy who pretty much ignores me. He spends hours on his Xbox, we never go out together and our sex life is non-existent! Over the past year, we have been having some work done on the house which I've been organizing as my partner A. can't be bothered & B. is too damn lazy! Anyway, the builder is fit and we get on well. There's a bit of banter/flirting but I know he is with someone and to be honest, I think he's out of my league!
Even my boyfriend commented on how good looking he is and that he would never look twice at me. So, this week I went out with my mates and low & behold, there he was. We spent quite a while chatting. He was rambling a bit as he was quite drunk. As I left he was walking down the road with me, as I said bye. He made a comment about having my number which I didn't quite get as I was tipsy myself. On the way home I got a call from a friend to say he had been talking to some bloke who was going on about liking this girl, but she was with someone and how he had always fancied her.
Well this guy was the builder and the girl he liked was me. A few minutes later, I get a phone call from the builder who said he needed to talk to me about chemistry; as in the chemistry between us. Turns out he fancies me. He said he didn't get my boyfriend spending hours on the Xbox when he could be with me, etc.
It was a long conversation but he basically said that as much as we know it's wrong, neither of us could argue we would end up sleeping together. He finished the conversation by telling me to text the next day. I did. He didn't answer. Now I'm totally confused. Worst thing is I'm afraid to ring in case he ignores the phone. It's been 2.5 days now and I've heard nothing? Why would he not contact me? I know he was drunk but he had clearly thought about me if he's telling a stranger - that bizarrely was a friend of mine.
What to do next? Please help!
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Comments (54)
Well first off, I'd say get rid of the guy your with now.
Second, the other dude will contact you if he really wants you...
You know the answer. Dump his ass and find someone who would give you the time of day and night.
um dump you bf, first of all, whether or not this other guy works out, dump the lame-o. duh
If you are WILLING to talk to another man that obviously has feelings for you (and you obviously have feelings for) then that's a big sign that you are probably done with your boyfriend.
First, I'd confront your boyfriend and tell him that you're starting to separate yourself because you feel like he doesn't make enough time for you. Let him know that sitting in a room with him while he plays a game does NOT satisfy you and also bring up your lack of a sex life and how it's affecting you. If he can't seem to understand or doesn't seem to care or want to make changes, then you need to be honest with him and tell him that you need some time off from the relationship then.
Before you go on worrying about another man, you need to confront the one who is already in your life.
Ok you need to let go of the guy that has absolutely no interest in anything you guys do or it seems in you. Let him have his electronics. Don't waste any more time. I would say unless you absolutely love you BF, its time to let go, because you obviously are feeling seperate from him and him you if there is no connection there, which it sound slike there isn't. I would not even talk to the other guy unless there was freedom to do so, just out of respect for yourself alone, let alone your BF and the other guy.
And after that is all done I would then maybe try talking to the builder again. Maybe there is and maybe there isn't something there. and as for him not calling or replying ot your text... maybe he is trying to figure things out for himself as well.
But just some advice... don't jump from a lonely relationship with one guy into the frying pan with another... you both have things to take care of before getting together... otherwise where is the respect at.
i agree with the others, dump the guy you're with now, if he's not paying attention to you now, what makes you think he's going to change later...never. and then try hooking up with the other guy, you never know what can happen.
Regardless of what happens with this new guy, you need to end your current relationship. How can you date someone like that?! He obviously doesn't care enough to put effort into your relationship, and you deserve SO much better. Seriously, run. Even if you never hear from this builder again, you're better of single than stuck in a relationship with someone who doesn't give a shit.
Dump the boyfriend. Let this guy know you are single, and see where it goes.
I agree with the other commenters, to dump the current boyfriend. Either it'll free you to pursue other suitors, or make him pay attention. Even if things don't work out with the builder, at least you won't be tethered to a guy who loves his electronics more than you.
First of all. Lose the loser.
Second of all, you're still with the loser, so you are technically emotionally cheating on him right now even though he's not treating you right.
Third sounds like all builder guy wants is a booty call.
Whether or not you get with this guy, break up with your current bf. He sounds like a douche but it would still be wrong to cheat on him.
And another thing, you say this guy is with someone, as in a relationship? You'll be a slut if you screw with him while knowing he's in a relationship.
I cannot believe that you are still with this guy who does not pay attention to you, does not spend time with you and obviously does not want to be in a relationship with you.
You need to do yourself a favor, and break that relationship off, because you truly deserve more and can get more out of someone you are dating.
Second of all, I think that you should just ring the builder. Worst case scenerio, he ignores you. Big deal. Yes, it may be a little bit frustrating at first when you realize that he went out of his way in order to do absolutely nothing with you in the long run BUT at the same time, he could just be busy, embarrassed by the fact that he went out on such a limb to talk to you, or simply he had more to drink after and does not remember what he said to you.
Either way, you need to call him... he may not have received your texts. It happens.
Well I think you need to ask yourself why this builder-guy had to come along to make you realise you are in a bad relationship. If you appreciate yourself and have enough confidence to know that who you are is good enough to deserve more attention from your SO than his xbox is getting, you would have figured that out a long time ago. Thank the situation with the builder for opening your eyes. Do not get involved with him. You start out on the wrong foot. If he says it's not your guys fault if you end up sleeping together (ie both cheating on your SO's), that does not make for a good foundation of a new relationship. Maybe in the future if you would get together and end up having some issues together (which all people in a relationship will have at some point, minor or major), some other girl might come along and he will make the same decision, and hurt you. You first need some time alone to figure out your confidence issues and what you seek in relationships, because you obviously struggle with this seeing your current relationship. Then when you're comfortable on your own, know what you want out of life and what people you want to surround yourself with, it might be time to start thinking about getting involved with others again. Until then, you are not ready. I understand this is hard, especially since you guys live together. But I think we both know the answer to the question if you would be happy in 5+ years with your current guy. Goodluck missy.
do you really have to ask? .. how about you dump this loser & find yourself someone who appreciates you, or at least acts like they do...girls who stay in relationships like this have absolutely no self confidence..like did you really have to ask? the signs are right there in front of you...
Never mind the few judgements here... dump the boyfriend and move on. The builder has someone, so I'd move on from him too... unless he has broken up with her already. Good luck!
You need to get things in order with your current whatever before moving on to another. He sounds like trash enough so kick him to the curb for someone who actually appreciates you, but for now focusing on a crush should not be your priority!
Dump the douche you're with! Find someone worthy of your attention.
Cheating is never a good idea, first get rid of the relationship you
have before you start thinking about getting in something else. Besides
you should ask yourself why are you picking guys who aren't what you
want for you. Work on yourself first.
I have to say a few things here that you might not like -
Men are men, and since the beginning of time they have been.. >__> how do I put this? ... "Hunters until they get what they want..." One of the BIGGEST problems that relationships have now days is that a man will fawn over a girl for months, even years until she is theirs, then lickity split, BAM... no interest...
You're going-
WTF man? You spent all that time trying to get me and now that you've managed me BACK into your cave, you sit there and play WII or PS or XBOX all day and want to do virtually NOTHING... -
It's NOT an uncommon problem. Women tend to need stimulation (in MORE than one way) or we get bored... what the heck is our purpose if our men don't want us on a pretty stable time frame?
What you NEED to consider is a few things -
Number 1, since many men are like this to begin with? Chances are? Newbie won't be much different- OR look it at like this. No one is perfect and if you dump your bf for newbie, you'll eventually find something about newbie th at totally ticks you off too. No one can please you, you have to do that for yourself... and trust me, in a relationship, the other party DEFINITELY doesn't always know how to do it.
Number 2, You said you were BOTH quite tipsy... newbie might have meant all the things that he said... he might not have. But, one of the reasons that he might be ignoring you could possibly be because he was drunk and although it might be in his fantasies to "play" with you, it might not be anything beyond that... "a fantasy"... people drop inhabitions when drunk/tipsy.
Number 3, You said this was a longterm relationship and you have a HOUSE that you both live in. Do you really want to compromise your current relationship by sleeping with someone else who (probably) will only turn out to be a fling? - ... Seriously. What do you think could possibly come from tossing a "new" guy into all of this? Do you REALLY think that he's going to leave whoever he's with to have a serious relationship with YOU? Very often, one moment of passion carries with it YEARS of punishment (Both personal and not)
Lastly, Your boyfriend. I understand that he's not "paying you as much attention as you'd like" but there are SURELY other ways to understand him/this than to "cheat" on him... The idea that you're considering it at all says to me that yes, some of the problem might be with him (bf) but the REALITY that you HAVE to face is that YOU WANT to cheat with him/somone else. You think it'd be amazing and sexy and thrilling and this guy makes you feel like a million bucks and prettier than you think you are, and guess what, all of those things show a problem with YOU.
YOU need to be more secrure with YOU.... you need to wake up every day and say, "Fuck YEAH I could have any guy I wanted... but I have one, and even though he's not the most clingy, he's a good guy."
If you honestly don't want your relationship anymore, that's another thing. It means however that you need to calmly break it off with him, TAKE SOME TIMEEEEEEEEE, and THEN start dating again otherwise you leave yourself open for emotional scarring because you will instantly believe that this new guy is going to simply cover up/mull over all emotions from previous relationship. I honestly would NOT suggest this newbie as a first relationship after a break up... it sounds to me like you were saying that he is ALSO with someone... this entire situation is a pure recipe for disaster (and I'm sorry to say, it sounds like he is just looking for a little tail/side action)
IF however, you want to stay in the relationship that you're in AT ALL... Then here's what you do...
You calmly walk up to your boyfriends XBOX, turn it off... wait for his insane yelling to quiet, then explain a few things. - This is what you explain.
"Hello meat head... I am a WOMAN and I need SEX... I also need your attention and your love. Now, I know that you have all of the equipment and the drive, but apparently no interest. So if the interest doesn't show up sometime REAL soon, I will be kicking you out/moving out. (OR, make him sleep on the couch to see how many nights he likes being alone.) You explain that "I am willing to give you some time on your games but you have to compromise for ME, if you do NOT then there is no relationship here... Oh yeah, and just so you know, that gorgeous man that helped out on the house? He wants me attention and body... so I'd think REAL hard about what you want.. the GAMES or ME..." - End.
Finally, you suggest some help/things to do to spice up your relationship... ask him about his fantasies, etc and help them to come true. :)
Oh wow...the first two sentences describes my life EXACTLY! (Except mine has a PS3. :P) It sucks! I happen to be in a similar, yet completely different situation. The "builder" in my story is actually a mutual friend of my boyfriend and I...my boyfriend's best friend, in fact. The problem is, I DON'T have feelings for this friend (and even if I did, I'm already taken...and by his best friend no doubt), but he can't seem to get that through his head. And now he's literally obsessed with me (he went as far as to say he "worships the ground I walk on" and told me he's imagined us getting married and having children) and he's turned into a stalker of sorts. And all the while, my boyfriend has no idea of this issue and I'm afraid to tell him, because he's wicked paranoid and he'll think I'm cheating on him, even if I tell him I'm not. Ugh, life sucks. X.x Someday, I swear I'm just going to give up and be single for the rest of my life, lol.
@LKJSlain@xanga - Very VERY wise advise!
@mtngirlsouth@xanga - Oh... why thank you :D
The only thing I would add to what @LKJSlain@xanga said would be this: Even if your own relationship were non existent, this guy is talking about cheating on his girl with you. So, you would go from guy who plays games too much to guy who cheats. I don't think that is any better.