Sunday, 06 November 2011
-
Am I in the Wrong Here?
Three times now I've been caught in situations when I am friends with many guy-friends, and suddenly one of them turns into a boyfriend, and I continue being friends with the others, only to find out from someone else that this looks a lot like cheating. It frustrates me, because I don't see how I am doing anything wrong.
Still, I'd love to prevent this from happening again, and therefore, I'm looking for advice.
Right now my two best friends are both guys, and I'm starting to have feelings for one of them, and he has made it clear that he feels the same way. Luckily, these two guys are friends as well, so there is no trouble (at least as I see it) that I stay friends with the other. Yet, we haven't established a relationship, and quite frankly, it's because I am scared of ruining it.
There is Mr. A who I have known for three years, and last week he told me that he loves me (though I highly doubt he understands the implications of it). I told him that I didn't feel the same way, but value our friendship too much to let this get between us. So we have stayed friends, and I frequently meet up with him even after this confrontation.In addition, there is Mr. B who I've been seeing, but who I don't like more than just a friend. I have doubts about how he feels, but nevertheless, everything is strictly friendly.
To make things more complicated, both Mr. A and Mr. B and my two best friends often sleep at my place, as I am renting a flat practically in the city center, and it serves as the crashing place after late nights out. So far, everything has been appropriate, but once again, I'm scared it might come off as inappropriate.
Should I stop doing something that is not wrong just because it could look wrong? .. Or is it wrong?
Have you ever been in a situation when you are accused of cheating, when the other guy is just a friend? How did you deal with it?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 2458 Comments: 0 14 View all posts by lifeandadventuresofgab@xanga
Comments (15)
Yes, you are in the wrong here.
The fastest way to ruin a great friendship is to allow romance in. I'd probably take a few steps back from the other guy friends when starting a new relationship; I've always liked to keep things simple.
Tell them to shut the fuck up and stop picking fights with you for nothing.
That's just a bit too overboard that you're practically not allowed to have other male friends just because you've got a boyfriend. A bit possessive and controlling much?
Just relax. Worrying over it and driving yourself nuts will only make them think even more that you're guilty of something.
As long as you know that you aren't doing anything wrong then you shouldn't let it bother you how it may appear. Everything can appear inappropriate to the wrong person.
Just let whichever one you have feelings for, know that you do have a lot of guy friends and your place tends to be a crash pad. If he's been your friend all this time then he should understand.
My only issue is that you shouldn't "see" people you don't have feelings for romantically. If Mr B. has feelings for you, you're just leading him on which is nasty.
That's because most of your guy friends got friend zoned. You see them as friends while they see you as "there's-still-a-chance-I-can-be-her-girl" friend.
I've known girls who are guilty of this.
Maybe I was raised in an old fashioned way but when I got an official bf (later he was my husband for over 11 years) my mom said to me that I couldn't keep hanging out with friends that were guys because I should be cautious and don't do anything right what could might look wrong. I've followed her advice so far, I've never been acused of cheating.
You aren't "in the wrong", but be aware of how people may see it.
I'd also like to mention that good relationships are built on strong friendships. Your lover should be your closest friend as well as sexual partner.
My boyfriend doesn't even like me hanging out with guys alone, so some guys might have issues with you having guy friends.
Maybe you should expand your circle of friends. It sounds like your closest friends are guys. Find some girl friends that you can become close with. Yes, some guys are jealous of the fact that you're hanging around other guys, but also be considerate of how they feel, especially if your circle of friends consists MAINLY and/or ONLY of guys.
There are conditions, I feel. You can't have any lingering possibly more than friends feelings. Anything that hints as slightly non-platonic? Don't hang out with him. I also think to fairness of the person you are dating, you shouldn't hang out with anyone who has admitted to having feelings for you or gives clear signs. It turns into one of those "I trust you, but I don't trust him" situations. Lastly, if you and your guy friend are platonic, make sure you are acting like it. Don't be overly touchy feely or flirty. I have a friend who is like that in general and a lot of guys can't handle it. Stuff likes that needs to be toned down once you are in a relationship. Also, be aware of the guy's feelings and listen to what he says. There is a difference between being insecure and controlling, and just being uncomfortable.
In your case, my advice is don't hang out with guys who have feelings for you if you have a boyfriend. It is not fair to these "friends" or the boyfriend.
why are you "seeing" a guy who clearly has feelings for you but you don't have any "romantic" feelings towards him? NO wonder you're confusing people and yourself!
let Mr. B know that you don't feel the same way for him and you're better off friends. And stop trying to DATE your guy friends. You friend zone SOME guys and you date the odd Couple of guys... why? It's bound to confront you, the question of "why is he so special that you can see him romantically but not me?" You are blurring the lines... and it's not "wrong" per se, but at the same time you're confusing yourself AND your friends. STOP letting your MALE friends sleep over at your flat. I don't care if it's a convenient crash zone after a late night of partying. At some point, someone is going to drink a little too much and take the booze all the way into your bed, making the whole thing a bit weird.
You should also try to widen your circle of friends, make some new girl friends and it shouldn't be like the only girl in a crowd of all guys, who might at some point develop feelings that are beyond platonic OR you do the deed. You shouldn't try to SHARE yourself with so many guys and not expect some of them to develop DIFFERENT feelings for you, they ARE going to fight over you OR you are going to lose some friends because you treated ONE with a different standard while the other stayed "friends."
AccessoriesNike Dunk SB
ShoesNike air Jordan
shoesnike air max
shoesNike Air Shox
shoesNike
basketball shoesNike air Yeezy
shoesNike Ken
Griffey JR ShoesNike soccer
shoesRADII
FootwearBurberry
ShoesGucci
sneakersPolo ShoesSupra shoesnike air
force one shoesAdidas ShoesCole haan
FashionPrada shoesMBT shoesLouis Vuitton
shoesTods shoesHigh heel
shoesKaren MillenTimberland
bootsCL Men ShoesShmack ShoesPuma ShoesVlado ShoesATO Matsumoto
shoesVibram
FiveFingersMen jeans
clothingWomen jeans
clothingEd Hardy
HoodiesMen T-shirt
ClothingWomen T-shirt
ClothingMen long
sleeve t-shirtWomen long
sleeve t-shirtAAA Brand
Handbagsbags &
handbags & luggage