Saturday, 05 November 2011
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Nosy or Justified?
This post was submitted anonymously.
I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now. He is wonderful, but his family is a different story. His mother had an affair with a married man (with a family) and has a child from it now. Based on other information I have about the family, I am under the strong impression that the father's family and wife do not know about this.
This seriously bothers me, because if I were the wife of the cheater, I would want to know about my cheating husband and the child. I have never met the dad or his family, but I feel horrible for the wife and children. In fact, I almost feel guilty that I even know about it and they don't; it makes me feel as though I am obligated to do something about it. The child is a toddler and is unaware of the situation as far as I can tell (what toddler would understand that anyway?)
Am I wrong for wanting to potentially ruin a family and marriage by exposing the truth? Or should I just keep my head down and ignore it?
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Comments (33)
I think you'd be wrong if you did it. You're not only not-obligated, I'd say you're obligated to stay silent. It's up to him. You don't want to get yourself involved like that, it's really not your place. Thinking about it is OK and normal though, but you should try to think about other stuff like your boyfriend more!
It's none of your business and you should stay out of it. Family dynamics are intense, and until you are a part of that family and have a good rapport with them, this would not end well.
Well, you wouldn't be the one ruining the family and marriage, the cheaters are doing that themselves. But I don't think you should say anything unless you are pretty close with the people being cheated on. If I was in that situation, I wouldn't be very nice to my bf's mother, though.
It's none of your business. Leave it alone.
I think at the time you should just be there for your boyfriend. Its normal to want to intervene, but its not your place, so if may come across with the wrong intentions. Stay silent and pour your heart out on your xanga
I wouldn't say anything, but I feel like I know where you're coming from. It's hard to know something like that, especially when you feel it's so wrong and not be able to do anything about it.
The whole situation just sucks.
Honestly, I don't agree with keeping it a secret. People are too afraid of reality these days.
I wouldn't get involved.... no way. You don't know these people that well. I would just keep my mouth shut.
butt out.
I don't think it's your place to say anything.
I'm dating him, not his scandalous mother, so I wouldn't want anything to do with her if she is this type of person. although if our relationship was serious and I had to somewhat deal with her later, it would be obnoxious that I know something yet can't do much about it. I also believe that his family shouldn't butt in the business of my bf and I, so mutual respect. I've known familes where one or both of the parents were controlling and nosy.
It's not your business, but who is it? Obviously, no one is coming clean and the truth will be expose one day! If I were you, I'll write an anonymous letter and send it out. It could be anyone who ratted them out.
Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. I'm guessing he knows too, right? Be supportive of him. The family is really not your business right now. It might be one thing if you'd known them for years and were married to him (and even then... idk), but you're not gonna help anyone by being the whistleblower right now.
Unless physical harm is involved I make it a policy to stay out of other peoples life stories.
I'd agree with the anon. letter.
I'm the type that if I something wrong going on, I have to say something about it or try to fix it.
But if I was worried about how it could come back to me, I'd go with the anon. letter idea.
It's simply none of your business. Stay out of it. It's not even your place to judge. Good luck!
Anonymous letter. No woman deserves to have a husband like that. She deserves to know, to move on, and to find a man that loves her instead of wasting her time on a liar and and a cheater.
- either they have secrets they don't want told, or they wouldn't man up and give someone bad news because they don't want to be the messenger.
If I was married and my husband had a child with another woman, I would want to know, which is why I would tell that woman.
Be careful. Whatever you do may affect your relationship with your boyfriend. You are going to have to be willing to lose all that in case he sides with his mother. Of course, that will say a lot about his character as well. I'm not a firm believer that all children are exactly like their parents but... If he finds that kind of an affair acceptable, doesn't it make you think what kind of things he'll think is perfectly acceptable when it comes to your relationship with him?
I wouldn't do it but, if you do, do it anonymously. Don't even tell your boyfriend about it.
You're messing not only with the fathers marriage, but you are also kind of messing with the effects of this new toddler, and that is something you have to take into consideration.
Yes, it is wrong that they are all in this situation but at the same time, there are two sides that need to be examined, and two sides that could be potentially messed up because of the situation.
It would not make you a 'good person' in my opinion for spilling the truth. It sounds as though your opinions on what is right and wrong are just clouding your judgement, and not really looking at how destructful you intervening could really be.
Have your opinions, decide whether or not to view the mother of your boyfriend as a good person, and just keep going on in your relationship. That is all you need to do.
@teawithhoney@xanga - Yes, everyone would want to know, but at the same time, there is so much drama that could come along with it. In the end, this girls relationship with her boyfriend could be threatened. If she views him as the one, but he chooses his mother over her, then would she end up regretting the situation?.
You may say then "It was meant to be that way, and he wasn't much of a man for choosing his mother" but at the same time, family can't be replaced. Girlfriends can. In my own opinion.
You are making a judgement call on people that you don't even know. They are entitled to their opinion, and you have no idea if they are good people or bad people, or less of a good judgement character then yourself.
I have my opinion based on the fact that there is a lot of things that this girl probably won't want to have to deal with once she spills the information. Not only are the children on the marriage side getting hurt, but the new toddler will get hurt as well, and that's something that may be worth keeping the information to yourself about. If you have no compassion for this new toddlers life, then maybe you don't have the 'good person' character within yourself.
it's not your place to say anything
Let sleeping dogs lie.
I think it's a mess that you don't want to be involved in. What if you somehow let the wife know, and the wife turns crazy and goes out to murder your boyfriend's mom. Then your boyfriend is motherless. I know, crazy scenario. But you don't want to be the least bit responsible for something crazy happening. You can tell your bf how you feel and your bf should be the one who should talk to his mother about this before you get involved in any way. For now, just rely on karma.