Saturday, 05 November 2011
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Define Cheating
I've been dating my ex for 3 years. And 3 months ago, we took a break. I wanted for us to take this break and think about where we are standing and where we are going, because we have been fighting a lot and it hasn't gotten any better. That's why I wanted this break, but during the break, he has taken the time to talk to other girls and to send half naked photos of himself. I told him that during our break we shouldn't be involved with other people.
I was doing my share and he should, too. I wasn't talking to other guys, nor flirting, or even hooking up. We fought about it and have overcome that situation. Last month, he asked me to go into his email account to look for an email that was confirming his two free tickets. I did what he wanted, only to find out that in his email he had an old email conversation that he saved on there. So I was curious and I opened it, but I first asked permission, and he was okay about it.
See, I was being nice I wasn't snooping through anything and didn't plan on it. So while reading this conversation I came to find out that he was seeing and kissing this other chick during the time we dated that he NEVER told me about. I was MAD, beyond mad. I know it was a long time ago, but do I not have the right to be mad?
See a year into our relationship when we first dated, he cheated. I know I should have left and just walked away, but I always believe in second chances because I cheated in my previous relationships and we are only human. We tend to make mistakes, but I learned to not do it anymore. So I gave him another chance and we ended up being together for 3 years, until now, and we broke it off. Well, I did. Now I found out that he cheated on me a year after he first cheated. And what made it worse was when I asked him if he ever thought of me when he was going to kiss the other girl, he said yes.
Hello! And that didn't stop you from kissing her? I was thinking that to myself. I don't know what I am suppose to do anymore. Many of my girls says to leave the guy, "Once a cheater, always a cheater" they say, but I was a cheater before. And yes I did cheat on him, and I told him and apologize for it. I regret doing it and I told him I was never gonna do it again. And I have kept that word. I never cheated on him since. And I believe people can change. Am I being so selfish? Or am I just being stupid? Am I being too easy?
3 years with him and I've never felt so hurt, so betrayed. I thought he would have learned from his first time, but he didn't and he promises that he won't do it anymore. I know promises are meant to be broken, but I gave him the benefits of the doubt. I always think maybe it's karma getting back at me. We all make mistakes we are not proud of, but we learn from it.
I decided to take this month without talking to him or having any contact whatsoever until I've figured out what I'm going to do. So I want to know what everyone's definition of cheating is.
Am I overreacting? Am I being unfair? Am I being too nice? Or are my friends right?
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- From: iSoRocck@xanga
- Name: iSoRocck
- About Me: I am just a curious Hmong-American babe. Who ask a lot of questions and writes down everything I see, feel, and touch. When I get inspire I write like there is no tomorrow. I love reading and just started blogging. Don't have much time to blog but once I get time I will! So stay tune! There's not much about me or I don't have much to say lolx..but if your curious just message me..I'll message back :)
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Comments (29)
If you've been together for 3 years and there are STILL things buried in the closet then I'd be inclined to think the relationship has run it's course.
That's just me though. Personally, I couldn't be in a relationship where there is such a bad history of infidelity. It would eat and me and it probably eats at him, too.
It's one thing to give someone a second chance. Don't give him a third. He cheated on you twice, even after being caught the first time. If you go back to him he will cheat on you again.
Don't be stupid. You know what you have to do and you are just too scared to do it. You are writing this post to try to get people to convince you that it is ok to stay with him, when you know that you need to just suck it up and move on.
the more chances you give, the less serious he will be about them. you know what to do.
Two cheaters trying to make a relationship work with question of "Where do you draw the line of what cheating is?".
Your best bet is either to accept that your relationship is essentially casual relationship... or START believing in polygamy.
You cheated but you realized it was a mistake, learned your lesson, and kept your word. He cheated and chose to just forget it happened and not give a damn about you by cheating again. And even though I think that "breaks" are stupid and by asking for one, you're setting yourself up for that person to just not want to go back to you...he still went behind your back and did those things with girls when you told him you didn't want either of you doing that.
Put your foot down! He keeps showing that he just does not take you/the relationship seriously. It must be a joke to him.
He will probably cheat on every girlfriend. Move on, don't cheat and good luck!
Listen. Just because you made mistakes in the past doesn't mean you have to stay in a relationship where someone cheats on you. Stop punishing yourself.
If you've cheated on each other, that tells me there are other issues there. Between the breaks, the cheating, and the lies, I would say this isn't a relationship that should last. You need trust to make a relationship strong. But right now, you don't trust him or the relationship....not a good sign. Ultimately, only you knowing far you're willing to let him push you, but be aware that these are not good indications for your relationship's health. I have a feeling that if you stay, you're only prolonging the inevitable.
-Katie
It sounds like you two are not good for each other.
It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do but it's not what you want to do and now you're looking for validation.
@Kittyluve@xanga - I totally agree
Then again, this could be Karma, however, I don't think it'd be suitable you continue going out with this prick. He doesn't Love you enough.Honestly, cheating is a horrible thing, I question the validity of relationships when people have constantly kept in touch with others they are attracted enough to cheat on, or that they contact their ex.
Ex, means, ex. Don't go back, you made a mistake from the very beginning.
I wish you the best, people make mistakes, we all do, but I think when one feels insecure and needs options, well, it's all good for them, but they never thought about you in the first place. Otherwise, it'd never make you feel how you feel right now. You'd always be number one. You need to go find a guy that'd make you feel like you and only you are number one.
Sincerely,
Jo
Sounds like a douchebag. I say don't give him the gratification of doing that again. He doesn't deserve you or he wouldn't have done it in the first place, or the second, definitely. You've been nice enough, but it's time to put your foot down.
I don't know how you could ever trust him again with him cheating on you twice. Do you really want to be in that kind of relationship where you have worry that he might cheat again?
Letting him back in again is almost like saying, hey yeah when you cheat I get mad but I take you back each time.
You aren't a door mat. I know you love him but you can't let him walk all over you.
@JulyFire@xanga - I agree with this. I believe in the whole "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." thing. Cheating once is one thing, but multiple times is another.
I'm sorry but this whole on a break thing is bullshit. Either you're together or your not, not being together but also not being allowed to see other people is the stupidest thing ever. You guys clearly don't work together so just end it. Sorry to be blunt, but it doesn't sound like it's working.
And my opinion on cheating... If he kisses a girl once, when he's really drunk or something and is honest about it and is genuinely sorry then okay maybe he deserves a second chance but a guy who cheats with multiple women and keeps talking to them and hides it? Time to move on.
Ive just had a similar experience with you.But how could he do that for a year and not realize it?!?!Are you guys doing long distance or something??If you guys were on a break, you should have known your allowing him to open doors. I think whoever decides to go on a break means it is ok to see other people...Thats why going on a break is not a good idea.Im so sorry to hear this.There is so much better and loyal guys out there.trust me.
Not sure what this has to do with defining cheating, but...
"I cheated in my previous relationships," "And yes I did cheat on him."
KARMA'S A BITCH, AINT IT?
Let him go...what are the chances that you will ever be able to trust him again? Will you be happy always having to check up on him or wondering what he's doing if he's not with you? Chances are, he will do it again but one thing is for sure: you will not be in a healthy, productive relationship with the knowledge of his second cheating. Let him go and give yourself a fresh start.
Seeing how he let you read the email, I wouldn't think he's still cheating. If he was trying to hide it, he wouldn't have let you read it. However, I believe that you're both stupid. You cheated on him AND he cheated on you. There's no point in staying together because it's obvious that neither one of you value the relationship very much.
As far as my definition of cheating? If you're not together (broken up, taking a break, etc.) then NOTHING is cheating. He can screw whoever he wants, he has no loyalty to you. When you're together, kissing and more is cheating. He's going to check out other girls, you're going to check out other guys-it's human nature. Acting on it, is cheating.
Have you ever considered just having an open relationship?? Completely eliminates the possibility of cheating...you've already made it clear you're both interested in other people.
Girly, you are going to get hurt. You need to find a way to resolve your issues with him completely or you will constantly paranoid. Honestly whether he is cheating or not it might be best for you to find someone else.
As far as what is cheating, you are on a break and so it is not cheating but you agreed not to see anyone else so he did lie if he has a new partner.
I'd say leave him. It's not worth the pain and the fights. If you two needed to take a break in the first place then it might not be a good idea to keep trying. Especially seeing as he has cheated more than once and he did not respect the break properly anyways.
Forget about it. The relationship is over. But you need to make sure, 100% that YOU want it to be OVER. No looking back, no forgiveness, no stalking on facebook, phone calls, etc. That way you won't be a sorry heap of misery like I have seen plenty of other women act because they only removed themselves physically, but not emotionally or mentally.