Run.

I love Oprah's life class far too much, but she has a whole episode on people telling or showing you who they really are.  This is actually a Maya Angelou quote:
“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
Basically if he is saying he could potentially cheat, and is still in love with one of his ex's you should take his word for it. There are so many guys out there, and you seem to be a smart, attractive girl, why settle for someone who would "consider" cheating on you?

If you don't trust him then you shouldn't be with him for anything. He thinks he was just being honest, and at least he did that, but still, he said he doesn't know what the future holds as far as cheating goes. You said yourself it's a NEW relationship, and you never get tired of each other, but it's a NEW relationship...maybe his thinking is to stay with someone until he sees someone else he wants to be with. That's harsh but some people do that. Maybe his intention was never to have a serious relationship, but just to date around. If you don't decide to ditch him, talk to him about it and tell him if he doesn't want to lose you then don't cheat, and make a commitment to you.

i think someone who has the capability of admitting that they may cheat on you are more likely to cheat on you in the future.  for me, that'd make it harder for me to trust him, and i'd probably reconsider if i want to be with him or not.

would you have preferred that he said NO he won't cheat ever, then later you find out that he has lied? no need to even TALK about "would you ever.." when you guys are just HAPPY. Plus, if you're not feeling that he has faith in your relationship, only after a month, then maybe you're getting ahead of yourself. Ask YOURSELF this: did I really want him to tell me what he thinks HONESTLY or did I ask him to say what I wanted to hear him say?

Of course, we all want to hear "no, of course not, why would i ever?" but you yourself have cheated on your ex before, did you ever share THIS tidbit with the said guy? Look, you asked a question that was sensitive. I think deep down, you just wanted a lot of assurance, since YOU were the cheater in your last relationship (that mattered to you) and you wanted to believe that HE had a lot of faith in your relationship with that simple "no, of course not." But he told you what he thought honestly, it might happen. YOU might cheat again. His eyes might wander and be stuck on someone. He might be emotionally cheating on you later on... WHATEVER. Yes, it is alarming, but he didn't HAVE to tell you that he might cheat later in the future (even though he hopes it never happens), if he was really going to cheat on you. He would have just said all the things you wanted to hear so that he can keep that option OPEN and SECRET.

I think you're overreacting because of your own past experiences and relationships. And you should take it down a notch, you guys have been only dating a couple of months, it's better to keep the discussions OPEN and honest. Besides... maybe your definition and his might be different. KEEP COMMUNICATING!

@kev1nccho1@xanga - 2 months is pretty short. in my experience, stop putting so much pressure, and just get to know each other.

well-said!

@cherryblossomxgirl@xanga - Greetings.

People shouldn't be too quick to judge. Making such a decision based on the tip of an iceberg might be a bad investment on her part. It might be a good thing, too. It really depends on the guy. The problem with that is, she will never know what kind of guy he truly is.

Personally speaking, a relationship will always require an emotional effort/time. Why go into a relationship, just to break it apart from it so easily? And from the looks of it, she's already head over the heels over the guy. Why not stick around to find out if he really is worth it? If the worst should happen, it's inevitable that she'll be hurt. (She's hurting right now, even!)

And as for your choice questions. You seem to catastrophize to extremes. I don't mean to judge but as someone else stated, everyone has the potential to cheat. If I were to  choose, it'd have to be choice A. Because I appreciate the honesty. Because honesty and communication go hand in hand in a relationship. And if your partner tells you that he or she loves you and that he or she will never cheat on you, 2 months into the relationship, that's just the honeymoon phase talking.

I think this is one of those situations when the man has said too much. Men have a tendency to create problems they could've avoided by just knowing what to say and when to say it. Obviously there is a chance he could cheat. There is just as much a chance you could cheat on him. However these are unspoken things you put far far away in your mind and don't dwell on unless the possibility becomes a reality. Now all he has done is make you paranoid which will inevitably rub off on your relationship unless you get a grip.

i can't believe people are actually commending this man. yeah,  his honesty is great, but you have to actually listen to what he's saying: he COULD cheat.

Simple next time don't ask the dumb questions you don't want to know the answer to. How many people have you had sex with? Was I just as good? Is my " " too " "? You'll know how they feel about you by how they act, what they say on a normal basis. Essentially grow up. Take off those rose colored glasses. Then maybe you'll truly be happy and content.

I don't know, I'm kinda in the same camp as him.  I suck at lying and my GF is slowly learning to stop asking me questions she does not want to know the answers to.  So now when I'm being too honest, she just tells me to shut up and tell her how much I love her.  =P  Here's an example of questions she use to ask me:

1.)  Would I ever leave her if she got fat?  It depends.  If she was just lazy and didn't bother to keep herself fit enough to be a rock climber, I don't know that I would want to be with the person she would become.  I do not want to surf the couch all the time with my GF, I want a partner that will enjoy the great outdoors.  As for actually weight itself, I like the curves so I said as long as she can still climb, I don't care about how big she got.

2.)  Would I ever cheat on her?  It depends.  If I was unhappy in our relationship and she showed no interest in resolving the underlining problem, the probability of me wanting to spend time with someone else might lead me to cheat.  But I told her that she doesn't really have to worry about cheating because if I was unhappy, I'd rather leave her than cheat.  Yeah, I don't think she was happy with that answer either.  I think deep down she knows I'm a one-woman kinda guy, even if I don't say it in a way that she wants me to.  I've never cheated before so I think she has good reason to trust me.

"Belief creates the actual fact"

Whatever it is that you fixate on in your mind, good or bad, it is going to occur. I honestly would give you the same answer as your boyfriend, you're being negative and that is surefire way to destroy a relationship. From what I've read here your boyfriend is just trying to be honest and realistic with himself. None of us know what we're truly capable of, we all have the capacity to be saints and lowest scum on the planet. Furthermore, the future is never certain and subject to change.

Am I condoning cheating? No, of course not. But you cannot control what other people do or don't do so there is no sense in worrying about it.

Honestly, if I was your boyfriend I'd be considering breaking things off. Your initial reaction is justified and you should have a talk your boyfriend but after that you need to get a grip because what this displays to him is an immense level of insecurity and a lack of trust in him, no relationship can grow from that foundation. If anything your probably going to need to apologize to him for your lack of faith and trust in him as your boyfriend.

You gave no details here that indicates that he's cheated in the past or has made any decisions or actions that would deem him as the shady type or untrustworthy. All I see from this post is that the only thing he has done is essentially say, "Look, I'm not going to make any promises on that because I don't know what the future holds,".

You've built up a story in your mind and you believe it's the reality where in fact all your actually doing is punishing your boyfriend for being honest with you. Did he say he was GOING to cheat? No, your putting words in his mouth.

Personally speaking, I've been cheated on. It sucks, I vomited after finding out. I had spent a lot of time being concerned about her cheating or being unfaithful and it inevitably became a self fulfilling prophecy. In the end I learned that there's no point in worrying, arguing, or fighting about it, you cannot control what the other person does. Just spend your time on the things that you can control, like being a better SO to your partner. I know that for me, I will never cheat. I have a strong belief that I never will because 1. I've been on the receiving end of it 2. I would never wish or cause that level of pain upon someone else.

As for his ex's, it's very possible to still love someone and not have a relationship with them. If the relationship was built upon a foundation of friendship, little or no abuse occurred, and things ended on good terms, then I see no reason why two people can't still love one another, be friends, and respect one another's boundaries.

@malissa1578@xanga - agreed!