Wednesday, 02 November 2011
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Did I Ruin Your Engagement or Did You Ruin My Trip?
Recently, I planned a trip for my friends to join me out of town for Halloween. I had job training so I was going to be there anyways. One of my friends couldn't make the trip so it was left to me and another couple. The guy decides a few days prior to this trip that he wants to propose. I told him that I thought that would be weird and awkward because it would be just the 3 of us there; especially since we were all sharing a room together. He reassured me that it wouldn't so I agreed to help him with the proposal. I went above and beyond making calls for the flowers and picking up stuff for the special day since I was in town early for training.Prior to leaving, my training almost got cancelled so we were going to be able to drive together, but then my training was back on. The boyfriend asked if I had "planned the whole time that they would drive separately." They both knew I had training and the only reason I suggested going to this town was because I was going to be there already. Then when it came time for them to pay for their part of the room, I said we would split it 3 ways and they got upset that it wasn't 50/50. Why should I have to spend more?
After the proposal we all went out to a bar. When we got there he sat in the middle of us with his back to me while they canoodled and made out, completely ignoring that I existed. I asked her later if she wouldn't mind sitting in the middle because I felt like the 3rd wheel. We all went out on the dance floor they proceeded to grind on each other and make out the whole time, while I stood there by myself.
Throughout the night, I think I told them that I felt I was the 3rd wheel half a dozen times because it was awkward being around them while they kissed and snuggled the whole time. I felt like I was intruding on something that should have been just them. It would have been different maybe if we were in a town where I knew people or if I had another friend with.
At the end of the night I had met a group of people; guys and girls who invited me to an after-bar. When I told my friends that I was going to an after-bar they got pissed off and accused me of leaving with a "stranger who I just met" as if I was being a skanky slut. All they saw was me leaving with one dude. They didn't know it was to an after-bar. They physically tried to pull me with them. I had to shake myself free.
I said, "Take this time to go back to the hotel and enjoy yourself. I don't want to go back there and I shouldn't have to be there the whole time! I went back early Friday night because you guys wanted to, this trip wasn't just about you guys I planned it to celebrate Halloween and I want to go to this party." They texted me saying I was rude for leaving, I said blatantly to them that I thought it was rude to make a trip about just them and force me to feel uncomfortable all night when I had planned the whole thing and paid a lot of money to be out of town for the weekend.
I felt like her boyfriend stole a weekend. I had planned to make it a romantic getaway for 2 with a stowaway, joy for me.
Now she says I stole a moment she had waited for all her life. 1. She has been married before and 2. This is her 3rd engagement. I tried to apologize for ruining her engagement but she proceeded to tell me that she didn't think we could ever be friends again. Am I totally off base for getting upset? If this trip had been specifically planned just for her and him to get engaged then I probably wouldn't have agreed to even go from the beginning, but I did what I could to try to enjoy myself and make it special.
The day was all good and special until they wanted to leave and tell me I HAD to go with them. I am 34 I don't HAVE to do anything.
Am I really in the wrong here or what?
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About the Author
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- From: skeeziix@xanga
- Name: erica
- About Me: I am enthusiastically sick of it all!
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Comments (38)
Wow. I don't even know what to say about this except for No. You are absolutely NOT wrong for anything that has happened here. Be grateful that you are no longer friends with these selfish people.
drama queeensssss.
I'm much more inclined to take your side, personally. You were worried before that it would be awkward if he proposed with just you there, and then he said it would be fine -- and in the end you ended up being right. You told them several times you felt uncomfortable being around them.
I think it was poor judgment on the guy's part. You'd think that right after getting engaged, the couple should allow for some alone time? Of course they're going to be all over each other.
And getting mad because you wanted to split the cost equally? And wanting to drag you along with them? This situation is all kinds of weird.
You should've told her she'll probably have a 4th engagement and to shut the f*ck up.
That guy was a dumbass.
No I don't feel you were in the wrong. I think I agree with you completely. you did mention to him that it might be awkward if he turned it in to an engagement trip, that to meis something to be done a private trip. I think that maybe its good you don't have these people as friends anymore, they sound rather selfish. Next time I think you should just go with your gut instinct...
I agree, you don't have to do anything. Perhaps it was best that you won't be friends with her any longer (at risk having to spend money and time on her wedding, only for it to end soon). She doesn't seem like she values relationship much considering this is her third engagement. If I were in this situation, I wouldn't have gone at all if this was the case since it was no longer a group thing. I say cut your losses (expense for the trip) and their friendship. Personally, I believe good friends wouldn't put you on the spot for something like this and would have understood if you felt uncomfortable and decide to pursue other company while they made out after the proposal. And why would they get on your case about leaving with someone you just met to hang out? You're grown, it's not like you're someone's 14 year old little sister and about to embark on an endeavor you will definitely regret later. I've learned, that sometimes you win some and sometimes you lose some. I think you will find that you're better off not being their friend.
You're spot on. You're old enough to make your own decisions, and if anything, the weekend was more for you, and other people were invited to join. The guy should have thanked you for helping out so much. Getting engaged is a big deal! I would hope that whoever I eventually get engaged to wouldn't propose to me on a weekend trip with friends anyway. Sounds like he didn't plan it right, and expected you to shoulder the blame for whatever went wrong. That was a sticky situation. I applaud you for doing the right thing, which is making the weekend fun for yourself. It's nice to hear that you weren't sitting around moping the whole time. And really, if they couldn't read the hints you were dropping, they will probably have some communication issues later in the marriage.
The title of the post made it seem like you were going to be the selfish one or something but then I read it and you were right. They were selfish and should not have been acting like that. Also, it makes sence to split the cost 3 ways, not 2... They are 2 different people.. I hate it when people are like that. I hate being the third wheel BUT they should not have been acting that way.. And they shouldnt have gotten mad when y ou wanted to go to a party.. Whats wrong with that?.. They expect you not to enjoy yourself and watch them make out all night? Does not sound like fun to me..
I'm with you on this. The way they acted was rude, and so was even planning to propose that weekend on a trip that you initially planned. If he wanted to do something like that for his proposal, he could have planned his own trip for just the two of them. My boyfriend and I hang out with single people and other couples all the time and we don't act like that, it's just....ugh.
I'm not trying to be harsh, but she sounds like a very selfish and self absorbed person. I would have just as upset, if not more, about the whole situation.
NO, you were NOT wrong here . i love how she tried to flip this whole thing around to try and make it seem like you were the one being selfish - fuck that . she doesn't sound like a very good friend; she seems very into herself & unwilling to see how this whole situation affected YOU . the expression "there's a time and a place for everything," seems so relevant here. he seems rude as well, he should not have planned on proposing on a trip that you planned - that's something that he should have done at a different time . you're an adult and can make your own choices, don't let them make you feel inferior to them . they need a reality check !
Why didn't he wait until after the weekend to propose? That was a really bad call on his part. And they should've realized that it was the three of you and that they can't act the same way they would if it was just the two of them. I don't understand why they were mad at you for going out with some other people? Even IF you were going home with some guy you just met, what's it to them? They'd have no reason to be mad at you for that? You made it obvious that you were uncomfortable and when they didn't do anything about it you made some friends to hang out with instead of ruining YOUR night. They should've understood that you wanted to have a fun weekend too and since they weren't including you, you went and did something else
her fiance is an idiot for making YOU feel uncomfortable. Why didn't they take the time to really snuggle/make out to make their "special moment" last the night, when you offered to leave them be the lovebirds? if they really wanted the romantic set and you were happy to leave them be, why didn't they take you up on it? i think they enjoyed making you uncomfortable, wtf?
don't feel bad. don't feel sorry. the idiot LIED to you about making the trip awkward and uncomfortable. on your plans, they tried to get some freebie smooshing time and when you gave them the chance, they got weirded out. -_-; maybe you're better off NOT having bunch of selfish idiots disrespecting YOUR wants and plans?
You're absolutely not in the wrong, don't worry! He was a douche and she was a bitch.
@victoria_lynn_92@xanga - agreed.
Your friend sounds like a selfish bitch. As you said, the trip was NOT about them, they just MADE it about them. They ignore you, then get angry when you find something else to do? Fuck. That. I'm wouldn't worry about her being upset or not. She'll get over it or she won't. She sounds like a crap friend, and if she chooses to not let this go, you are probably better not being friends with her.
I definitely wouldn't count her friendship as a loss.
ugh! i can feel my blood boil! what morons, im surprised u didnt leave alot earlier
I hate being third wheel. It's the worst.
I'm surprised YOU didn't tell her you don't think you guys can be friends anymore! They sound so weird! Be glad they won't be bothering you anymore.
Tell her to go to hell. You're better off without that self absorbed bitch as a 'friend'.
Of course she's gonna stick up for her newly engaged man over you. She's in the "heads over heels" stage right now, when she breaks up with this dude (and I'm gonna bet my money that she is sooner or later) she'll regret it all and beg to be your friend again. AND that's when you give her the middle finger and tell her to fck off.
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