Wednesday, 02 November 2011
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Grow a Pair Why Don'tcha
This post was submitted anonymously.So I was in love. Well, still in love, with my ex fiance. Apparently this week he has decided to "go find himself." With a generic "it's not you, it's me," and "I don't want to hurt you." He has effectively cut ties.
The tickler? He's "being consoled & counseled" by a girl, who lives on the opposite coast. Now I don't know what to feel. On one hand, I feel grateful this happened before we had children, and before we were married. On the other hand, I feel like a complete failure for having lost my guy to someone he doesn't even know.
I moved out, took the dog and furniture and ran. I miss him, terribly in fact. I still love him greatly. I don't understand what happened. Hell, we were planning our wedding together with smiles, laughter and hope not even a couple of weeks prior.Why do we seek to use generic excuses when breaking up with someone? I've been honest in my relationships. If you were looking to spare my feelings, it didn't work. Just knowing that you are using generic quotes makes me feel even worse. You don't love me anymore, fine tell me. Yes I will cry, yes I will get mad, but I won't go on with the hope that there might be something possible. Need to find yourself? That is a crap excuse. If you want to find yourself, look at your driver's license, it will tell you exactly where you are.Have you ever gotten a generic break-up line?
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Comments (21)
Yes I feel the same way. I hate when girls are not direct and choose to neglect me and not talk to me about what's going on. It would be so much easier if they'd just talk. Damn I hate when people don't have the guts to talk it out. I say Grow a pair and grow up!
I have. I always believe that honesty would be the best policy. If someone lost feelings for me, they just tell me. One of the most important things that people neglect is effective communication in their relationships simply because they are too afraid of offending their partner. But in the end, that lack of communication is what finally ends the relationship, when talking about issues could actually save it.
I have not experienced this, but I think it would be best if he were just honest. I don't think a person can ever find closure if they were dumped using a generic break-up line. Just awful what happened to OP. Honesty is definitely the best policy. I cannot imagine all the heartache the OP will feel, especially being let go with such clichéd quotes.
Why do people make plans to get married when the love isn't even there? This story is so sad. And yes I've gotten the generic lines, like "If we were meant to be together, we will end up being together in the future," "I just need some space," "I still want to be your friend, best friends even," and the most hilarious "I still love you but..."
Some people just want to get lost so someone will find them.
The last one I got was essentially an "it's not you, it's me". Yeah, that was cheap.
But sometimes, what I've found is the these things are true. All the same, I"m sorry for what happened. I hope you feel better soon... and indeed, it's good this happened now, as opposed to down the line.
Actually when people like your boyfriend say things like that they might truly believe what they're saying even if it sounds like bullshit to you. Sometimes a relationship just cannot work out if one person still needs to discover things about themself and life in general. And I wouldn't take the fact that he is being counseled by some girl half-way across the country too personally. I had the same thing happen to me and when he realized that it was mostly because he was looking for something new and exciting after being in a struggling long term relationship he pretty much dropped all thoughts of being with her.
wow that's really heavy . let me start off by saying that i'm so sorry that you're going through this emotional rollercoaster . maybe he doesn't even know what he's going through and / or feeling and that was the most "honest" answer that he could give you . i'm a really blunt person and i've found myself with guys who are the same way so i've never personally experienced someone beating around the bush with me but at the same time is there really a "good" way to break up with someone? whether i'm brutally honest or beating around the bush i'm still dumping you - either way you're going to be hurt and upset .
Personally I don't really care what you say when you break up with me, lie or truth.. because there's the most important part that is always going to be true: You don't want to be with me.. and if you don't want ot be with me, then I don't want you around!
if it sounds like he's using BS excuse to be consoled by another girl across the coast, do you think he's just using that "I have to find myself" line so he can get to know the other girl better?
I don't think it's BS. I don't think it's TRUTH either. And it's WAAY better that he ended things with you before it proceeded any further into planning the wedding, having the wedding, being married and kids. He might be scared. This whole "marriage planning" is a scary thing, no less. He might not be sure in himself, his ability to have a career that brought home the bacon; not sure if he proposed too soon, jumped into the wedding wagon too easily... not to say that he doesn't care about you or your plans, but if he's not sure of himself, how can he confidentally say that he can take care of you and future children when he has lost his way?
generic bs lines suck. but the cliche as it goes, sometimes is the only thing that really makes sense. good luck.
sounds like there's other plans with him...if i had that said to me, i would have confronted him and asked him to be honest with me and tell me what's going on bc i'm not going to plan a wedding and spend all that money just for nothing. it's a big deal. if he needs to find himself then maybe he's also thinking about the relationship too. idk..that's just what i think.
Wow.. I am so sorry to hear that. I hate when people make stupid excuses in an effort to try and come out as the good guy. My ex told me, after four years together, after I finally confronted him, that he wasn't sure he really wanted to marry me after all; He had just not wanted to tell me and hurt me... You know what? Why didn't you say that BEFORE I wasted all of that time?! :\
Rant aside, you are definitely better off. If he's that big of a coward, and he's that easily swayed by another woman, good riddance!
I never have gotten that from someone, but I feel like just because a reason may be cliche doesn't mean it isn't the actual reason.
does he really want to hear that he's a scumbag, lower than a piece of shiiiit. okay, if he insists
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I'm sorry to hear all of that.
But, first, from my own experience, it's never out of blue. I know that may be harsh to hear, but it's true. And second, after something like that, do you really want a guy that showed you his true colors? I believe that every woman deserve the best. And that there is the best out there for them.
So, with that said, you will get what you deserve when you are completely not expecting it. Up until my boyfriend now, I never thought that would actually happen to me. I believed it full heartedly, just never really thought it would happen to me. I had boyfriends that treated me terribly, that cheated on me. Everything you could think of. And it completely broke me. So, I have been in your shoes. But I think that just about every girl and even guy have.
Do what you need to do to heal yourself. And that's no one business. But, just remember....as much as you miss him, look at what he walked away from, and think about if you really want to have that for a husband? If he were to come back, would you forgive him? As much as we are told to forgive, we all know it's hard to. I know I wouldn't be able to.
Best wishes.
Those lines are generic and often used because they're legitimate reasons to leave someone.
It's not you, it's me - That's real. It's like saying, "You did nothing wrong, but something's going wrong in my head, and I just don't feel good in this relationship anymore. I don't know what's wrong, just something."
I need to find myself - Also real. A lot of people define themselves not on their own, but by their SO. Observations they make about themselves all have to do with their behavior in relationships. They can't describe or even picture themselves properly in single terms. So in that case, it would be better to step away for a bit and figure yourself out. It's like that song,
"I don't know who I am without you / All I know is that I should"
I've never been broken up with but when I do the breaking up I am always honest.
Oh yeah, I've gotten all kinds of generic lines. Some were legitimate, but most weren't. Its either to spare your feelings (fuck that) or to sound less like a dousche.
Example A: "I'm just not ready for a relationship after my ex, she was so crazy."
Translation: "I'm just going to lead you on until I find someone easier."
Sorry to hear about that though :(
@LoveeeLikeASunset@xanga - I know right! There is no "but" in love.
he probably found a young hot skinny asian dame so you can't blame him.