Tuesday, 01 November 2011
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Sex for the First Time?
So my boyfriend and I are 20 years old and we have been going out for over a year. We do talk about our future together and we are serious about our relationship. Recently he has asked to have sex. We're both virgins in college and we would use protection. I was wondering what you guys think.
He also suggested we try sex because I don't always like making out and he thinks that if we have sex once, that I will like making out with him more which would help that.
Thoughts?
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About the Author
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- From: averastar
- Name: averastar
- About Me: college sophmore. major in geology and minor in french
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Comments (89)
Don't like making out? How it's possible?
Sex will not make you like making out more. That doesn't make any sense.
You shouldn't have sex with him for any reason other than YOU LOVE HIM, HE LOVES YOU, AND YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE AND READY. Virginity is such a precious thing to give away. I regret how I lost mine every single day. Do what your heart says to do. Don't do it to try and improve other aspects of your relationship.
I would make sure you both are ready and more importantly what do you think or feel about it? My first experience could have been better and I could have chosen a better person to lose my virginity to, but I think a lot of people feel that way. lol. Good luck.
If you don't like making out, you probably aren't going to like having sex. I suggest playing video games instead.
Don't do it. Fnish college, or marry him first. His telling you that having sed will make it easier for you two to have sex is a lie. The only thing you guys will end up doing is having sex again and again. Wait. You are worth the wait, and if this clown of a boyfriend doesn't realize that, its time to cut him free.
That is some weird reasoning he is trying to convince you with! Either you're attracted to that person and enjoy kissing them OR you don't. Having sex isn't going to do much. -_- Ah... I don't even know where to go with this. lol. Just don't go having sex for that reason. Have sex because you want it, not to help you "want to make out". That just sounds like his excuse to get in your pants.
I'd first figure out why you don't like making out with him. Is it only with him? Or you just don't like making out in general. Under no circumstances will sex make you like making out with him more. Good luck!
As a lot of people have said, the reasoning is a little weird. I'm not a huge fan of making out unless it leads to sex. He might mean that if you have sex, you will like making out more because it will actually be going somewhere. But it's pretty unusual for a couple to just have sex once... If you only want to do it once, you should probably wait. Usually, once a couple has had sex, on or the other will usually expect making out to lead to sex or some kind of sexual activity.
Have you guys experimented with other sexual activities? I would definitely recommend trying that first. If you BOTH want to have sex because you want to share that intimate experience with one another, and you feel ready, then go for it.
Just don't do it in hopes it will make you like making out more...
I don't think anyone can make this decision but you, but I do have to add that having sex will not make you like making out more. That makes no sense, unless is implying you'll hate having sex so much that you'll end up wanting to make out instead.
If you decide to have sex, make sure it's for the right reasons, and getting you to like making out more isn't a very good reason.
Well, absolutely make sure that you're ready. And honestly, I still don't like making out, but I really like having sex with my fiance, so I think you won't know about that unless you have sex. Good luck!
whether you fuck today with this guy or in a year with another guy, it's going to happen. you've already been seeing him for a year, and you're both 20. what's the hold-up?
just want to say that... it's a learning thing. I made it a big deal but it is no big deal, first time is bound to be more or less bad, IMO. Wish I had lost it earlier so that I would've known, more, about what I want/need etc
Well I'm sure there is a reason you're 20 and still a virgin, so first off, what's that reason?
Second why do you sometimes not enjoy making out? He puts too much tongue in sometimes? You can always talk to him about what you like about making out and what you don't. I would suggest getting making out down before anything else. Believe me, sex is much more complicated than making out.
You're not providing much detail...and either way you should be able to tell if you're ready or not. How much value do you place on virginity? How much do you trust your boyfriend?
Personally I struggled with my virginity for awhile and worried I would never know when it was right. I met the man I loved, who loved me, who made sure he took care of me, who I trusted. At 19 I lost it with no regrets. I just KNEW at the time it was right. So I say listen to your gut.
Well first, sex will not make you suddenly like making out. That's not how it works. XD Flying a plane doesn't make you suddenly good at riding a bicycle.
But I see no reason not to, if you're happy and comfortable with the idea. =)
I hate these posts asking "should I have sex?" If you're asking, I don't think you're ready. You shouldn't need other people to validate a decision like that. Maybe it's just me, I honestly don't know, but I knew when I was ready. Is that just me or is that other people too?
if you need to ask, you're not ready.
@singing2mytune91@xanga - exactly.
Don't do it unless YOU want to :) otherwise it probably won't be the best experience for you..and that would be sad :(
Wait until both of you know you're ready. Otherwise, you might resent him for "pressuring" you later. I think when you're ready, you just know.
If you feel comfortable physically and emotionally with the idea then go for it. It might hurt though, so make sure he is careful and you guys are communicating during it. If it hurts, tell him! Also, since you are both virgins, it will be very awkward at first. Just have fun with it, don't get discouraged. It is just one of those things you have to get the hang of and then it's easy going. Like riding a bike!
Also: Sex won't make making out better...I'm not sure where that is coming from.
I can personally say that I'm 17 and lost my virginity and don't do it because of a guy or anything close to that. The moment you know you're ready, oh trust me you will know it. Making out will get better just try different things but don't have sex because you think you'll like it more, sex is a much bigger deal then society makes it today so choose wisely.
I agree with the other people who have said that having sex probably won't increase your liking of making out... don't have sex to see if it makes making out more enjoyable, don't have it because your boyfriend is asking for it, and don't have it because you're 20 and have been dating your boyfriend for a certain amount of time and it's expected!
In my opinion, you'll be better off waiting until you know you're ready to have sex. It's hard to describe how you know, other than... you just know. I hope everything works out well for you!
give it a whirl. if you try it and don't like it, then don't keep doing it. simple as that. as long as you trust him and are using protection, there's no harm. don't listen to anyone who tells you that having sex changes you in some way, or that its a huge monumental moment in your life. sex probably won't feel good to for a while, that's just the way human anatomy works. don't place it on a pedestal, its just another way that humans interact. its what you make of it. when i lost my virginity, i didn't feel different at all. it just seemed like a slightly more intimate version of kissing. it seemed like the natural progression of things. and it hurt for the first few times. it took me 6 months of having sex to finally orgasm. there's a learning curve, just like most other things.
best of luck.
If you have to ask a room full of strangers, then you're probably not ready.
It's up to you. I can't tell you, the people on datingish can't tell you, your boyfriend can't tell you, your friends can't tell you, and so on. Only you can know when you are ready.
Sex will definitely not make you like making out more. If you aren't enjoying it, he probably is doing it wrong. Some people are just not good at kissing.
As for sex, that's all up to how you feel. Don't let him talk you into it. Sex is something you should BOTH feel comfortable with doing, not just him. If you feel like you are ready, and that you love him, and he has agreed to use protection - go for it. Just make sure YOU are ready for it. :]
my boyfriend and i attempted to have sex after dating for about 7 months and it was a disaster. my heart was going nuts.
thankfully it didn't work out. we waited until we had been dating over a year and it just felt natural. wait till it feels like that. it shouldn't be forced, you shouldn't have to convince yourself, or question yourself.
and, uhhh, i mean... there isn't much making out going on during sex. where's that logic coming from? ... his pants.