Sunday, 30 October 2011
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Conflicting Voices of Opinion
We all have different upbringings and experiences that shape our values and perspectives. When we have problems with guys or girls, we go to our friends to gives us that objective, neutral point of view. Then of course the exasperating problem arises where one friend says one thing, the other says another thing and you do not know what to do. OR, you do something, you tell your friend and he/she says, "Oh you shouldn't have done that but done this instead." Of course, they mean well but you feel like crap and think you don't know any better.
It's a nuisance, but at the same time we need to see their point of view because well, we are blinded by lust, infatuation or maybe even horniness? Haha. It's our friend’s advice that allows us to see reality that we may fail to see in the situation. Nevertheless, in the end we make our own decisions, learn from the experience and get on with life, whether it's a good or bad outcome. Don't let others push you around and make the move in your dating game. Yes, it can be crazy confusing, but use your friend's help as an insight and not some kind of manual.
Just be yourself and follow what you want to do because the guy or the girl is going to be falling for you, what you say and do as a person.
How strongly do you follow the advice of friends while in a relationship?
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- From: scribbles
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Comments (23)
People want to hurt me with their opinions. I listened for a long time, and it got me in a lot of trouble.
I don't know what to do either but I try using the scientific method these days, honestly.
I listen to advice but in the end I always make up my own mind.
@drawmafreezone@xanga - True dat
I've learned to hold off on giving my friend's any advice unless explicitly asked for or if I see that they're clearly going to be put in harms way if I don't step in. Other than that though it doesn't matter what you tell people they're still going to do what they want to do.
On a side note, I hate it when people give advice and say something along the lines of "And I know I'm not the only one who thinks that," to back up or reaffirm their point. Literally anyone can say that about anything.
I think it is silly, actually, to go to friends. Problems in a relationship should stay in that relationship and be discussed by those two. Taking it to friends never solves the problem as you stated... there will be several solutions given. I just simply do what feels best to me and in regards to the other person.
I always listen to what my friends have to say, but I take their advice with a grain of salt. These girls may say they've all been in my shoes before, but when it was them, they always did the opposite of what they tell me to do (ex: stay with the guy that treated them like shit)
I grudgingly listen to my mother more now then I did in the past. She told me constantly to break up with my last boyfriend because he treated me like crap - it took me 3 years to listen to her, but she was right in the end, I am much happier now. So now I take her opinions into consideration, from time to time.
I tend to listen to my best friend's advice... unless it makes no sense to me whatsoever, then I hedge my bets on my own judgement... which is probably useless and mostly incorrect...
I don't exactly go to friends for advice, but more for venting. I explain my situation to my friend just to get it off my chest before going all crazy on my boyfriend. In the end, if I ever go to someone for advice, I go to my mother. Call me a momma's girl or whatever, but when it comes down to it I know I can count on her. : ]
What's the different between lust and horniness? Basically you just fall for people because you're hot to trot and then you ask your friends for advice because there's no blood going to your brain?
Well, there are only a handful of people I would go to if I needed an answer to a serious question. Mostly because I'm paranoid and I don't like people knowing all of my business. The other part is that, unfortunately, alot of people give advice that sucks and I'd rather go ahead and filter the BS.
It honestly depends on which friend is giving me advice. Most of the time, I don't ask other people for relationship advice because I don't need it. But on the odd occasion that I do need someone to listen and maybe hand me some "life lessons" I will only go to those friends who are in stable relationships themselves. I won't take advice from someone who isn't in a healthy relationship.
Unfortunately, my husband and I are the only ones in a healthy, stable relationship. Most of our friends come to us for advice. Which, as I said, is fine because I don't typically need any advice.
I don't really go to my friends for relationship advice. There are only two of my friends whom I'd actually consider listening to because they have been in long, serious relationships like I have. But even then I sometimes just want to talk about it and figure the rest out on my own.
When I'm involved with someone, it's about us. Just us. As far as what anyone else thinks, they can go fuck themselves as far as I'm concerned. It's none of their business.
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@Guteman91 - Very true
When I was going through some relationship problems, my friends gave me plenty of advice. And while I listened to what they had to say, in the end, I listened to my heart. My friends wanted me to break up with my boyfriend, and while their reasons and intentions were for my sake, they weren't the ones in my place so they didn't understand what I was going through. I feel that it's important to know what others think, but at the same time to hold true to your own opinions and judgments. Nobody can live your life for you.
Out of my friends, I am the advice giver... My friends tend to give the worst advice. I'll ask for advice, even though I know before hand that I will hate what they told me, and not listen anyways. It's not really beneficial, but us humans like to talk our problems through, even if we don't listen to advice.
I love a second opinion from a friend or a stranger. Whether their advice is the same as everyone else, I'll still keep the advice lurking around with my other random thoughts in my head.
What? I talk to my friends about my marriage only to get an idea of what other couples are up to and see where we fall in the mix of how much sex we have, dinners together at home, dinners out, what we fight about, how often we fight, TV shows we watch together, TV shows we watch apart, who does what around the house, etc. When it comes to advice, I've never asked for it and don't welcome it. No one knows how to problem-solve with my spouse better than I do and it's really no one else's business. At all. Ever.
I try not to talk to friends about my relationships, when I do I regret it. Its my business and not theirs and frankly I do not want to be influenced or cause them to dislike my bf. My friends have weird approaches to relationships anyway, we handle things very differently.
@AreYouThereGodItsMeEmilyC@xanga , @TiredSoVeryTired@xanga Amen.
It is simply childish and unwise, and in my opinion insulting to your partner, to go to friends. It's like: Really? You care what he has to say more than what I have to say?... They are not one of the partners within the 2-person partnership and thus will have a skewed perspective of "what it's like inside" between the both of you. And for all you know, they have ulterior motives behind their advice.
When all else fails, and all else fails increasingly more often these days, I go to my mother.
Whatever happened to PRIVACY.
I wouldn't take relationship advice from any of my friends, even if I needed it. I think my husband and I are mature enough to handle any issues that may arise on our own.
Oh god I used to be TERRIBLE with this. I was terrified out of my mind and couldn't trust my own judgment, I couldn't trust him either so all there was was friends. But, after a while, they started to make my blown-out-of-proportion problems into their own problems... and drama ensued.
At the bottom line, who is the one who spends the most time with your SO? Not your friends. Who gets to see the way you act with your SO when nobody is around? Well, exactly, nobody. Nobody is going to know the whys or hows when it comes to issues in your relationship. The best thing I can suggest is start trusting your SO and your own judgment.You can even pray about it, meditate, whatever. Get to know them better and PAY ATTENTION to what causes problems. Sometimes it's something you didn't even notice before... sometimes the trigger is something you've done yourself o__o Talk things out, bring up issues and create clarity between you two. I mean, how are you going to EVER solve your own problems if you're running to everyone else for help?