Personally, I think getting over an ex usually takes a long time, at least with ex's that have significantly impacted our lives. I think the easiest way to get over an ex is to simply stop all contact with him/her. The least amount of contact=the least amount of emotions that can be stirred up again.

Yes, most guys are all great in the beginning, and as time wears on a person's true colors really show. 

"But don't they all start out amazing? How do I know that this new guy
isn't gonna turn out like the rest of them? How do I know that I'm not
gonna get hurt again?"

The thing is you don't know, and that's fine. But you can't know until you give this new guy a real chance. For all you know he could be the greatest guy you've come upon in a long time.

When I first met my boyfriend, Tim, I was still "seeing"  (seeing as in we were never official) a guy I still really had strong feelings for. Once I started liking Tim I was torn as well, because honestly, I wasn't completely over the old guy . But even though I still liked the old guy, I knew he wasn't worth risking what could potentially come of Tim.I knew this because this is what I knew at the time:
Old guy: Unreliable, untrustworthy, and hurt me a lot.
Tim: Although new, and still didn't know him really well yet, he seemed genuine, he was reliable, and never broke my trust. 
So I chose to completely disconnect myself from the old guy and see where Tim would lead. And a year and a half later I'm still amazed how I came upon such a remarkable man.

You know your ex is no good for you. The best thing you can do for yourself is to accept that and move on.

You still have feelings for the guy you used to be dating, there's nothing wrong with thinking about him.  Don't try to police your own thoughts.  Maybe he'll prove to be the better one if your relationship with the new guy ends (it hardly sounds like an enduring story of love).  The "moveon.org" strategy gets preached a lot here, but doesn't really work with love.

I'd like to create a datingish manifesto of sorts for this at some point since people seem unusually forceful when they tout this idea, but for now I'll just say trying to "move on" or telling people to try to "move on" is only necessary or positive if there has been abuse in a relationship.

@testyman666@xanga - haha your simplistic over-reaching generalization is indeed sometimes true.  

gawd, love can be so difficult at times.  i say, weigh your options out on both guys and see which one is the best for you if you cannot make the decision.  sometimes your gut will also help you with the decision too.  

You reminded me of myself at one time. I was like in your position, didn't know what to do. Should I go back or should I not? But really, try to look on the positive side to all this. It's really only just experience, you will only benefit from it and learn from it for your future references. Just remember to go with your guts, and not what others say and influence you into thinking what they say is true. Just don't do anything you KNOW for sure you're going to regret; do the things you know that's what you want or you will regret later on. Best regards~

It's really not fair to be with someone when your heart (or head) is still with someone else. But, I can understand not wanting to let go of something that could have potential.

As far as the comment "don't they all start out amazing, though?", that is definitely true. That's why you don't completely invest yourself in someone until you can see deeper than just their outer layer.

I really hope you figure out what to do. I wish I had better advice but I really don't. I haven't been in a situation like this in over 5 years and I was young then, I'm not sure I would trust my judgement from that time period. :P

Datingish must've used that photo like 25 times.

you said that you shouldn't feel anything towards your ex, i don't think that's necessarily true. if you loved him once or had feelings for him at all, then you always will, even if he treated you horribly. it's just the fact of moving on with your life and being with someone new that you have to face. you have to realize that your ex is a part of your past and your new boyfriend is your present. moving on is hard, you'll never get OVER it, soon it just won't bother you as much. and your boyfriend should accept that you will still have feelings for your ex but you have tons more for him and you realize that you're better off now.

it sure would crush him if anything happened w/ u and ur ex. Nice guy thinks u and nice guy have a thing goin on.. and nice guy hasn't been ANYTHING BUT NICE..  yet nice guy is the one who could get the most screwed out of everyone.

@suggestivetongue@xanga - well said, lady. The people we stay with for a long time stay with us for a long time, even after we've gone separate ways.

I must add, if you never actually go separate ways, our exes will stay with us longer, lol. I'm so glad you moved on, even if you're hanging on.

QUESTION: could it be that we just want to keep some part of our ex? I think that's the case for me. I still want to be friends. I just wish that was enough for him.

In all honesty, I was just recently in a situation similar to this and I honestly feel helpless. Sometimes only you will know the best answer for you because everyone is different.