Saturday, 29 October 2011
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Does a Ring Truly Define a Relationship?
Lately, it seems like everyone is getting the "Oh my gosh, let's get married!" fever. I don't know if it's due to the fact that the holiday season is starting to roll in or what, but for some reason a majority of the girls in my school are getting engaged and planning weddings. One of the main things all the young women in my class seem to discuss quite often is the size of or lack of a diamond on their ring.
For some of the women, they believe a diamond is big deal. They act like if there isn't some sparkly jewel on their band, then their husband-to-be doesn't love them enough or simply doesn't deem them good enough to spend a large sum of money on them. These women have literally thrown a fit because their fiance didn't purchase a fancy ring for them, so instead they had their man take them to a jeweler to personally pick out their engagement ring. To them, a ring is a very big deal in their relationship.
However, not all women fall into that category. A good friend of mine just recently got engaged and her boyfriend asked her what sort of ring she wanted. Her reply simply was, "A small silver band." She didn't want any diamond, fancy detail, or materialistic glitter. All she wanted was a simple band with a message that they would pick for each other inscribed on the inside.
To me, I find that romantic. Love isn't defined by flashy jewelry or materialistic objects. If you honestly care and deeply adore the person you are about to marry, you shouldn't about care what kind of ring they buy you.
As for myself being the age of verging on twenty-one, I have no desire to be engaged or seek marriage with my current boyfriend. I'm not ready for it (nor is he), but it doesn't mean we haven't discussed it. I've already told him that a simple ring would suffice because the price or grand arrangement of diamonds wouldn't matter. How much he spent on a ring would not change how he felt about me and it certainly wouldn't mean he loved me any more or less.
Has anyone else came across a woman (or a man maybe) that believes the price of an engagement ring is an important factor? Thoughts?
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About the Author
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- From: vividepiphany@xanga
- About Me: I enjoy saying what I want, how I feel, my likes, and dislikes. Sometimes it may offend people, make them laugh, or inspire. Either way I don't care. My opinion is mine and no one will take that from me. But on a lighter note, I do like to meet new people. I want to hear new opinions and see through different perspectives, so feel free to introduce yourself and leave a comment. ♥
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Comments (59)
Diamond rings are a scam. Buy them a romantic pear basket instead.
Engagement ring itself should be considered important... but not the price or flashiness... Anything is a ring, diamond/platinum/gold/silver/paper/grass/haribo jelly ring (one of my favourites).... Choose from the ones mentioned above...
it doesn't define a relationship but it does look nice on a finger.
Maybe I'm weird, but I didn't care how my engagement ring looked. We ended up using a family heirloom (sp?); my grandmother's wedding ring that dates back to WWII. Not only was it free, but I value it so much more than if my now husband had gone and spent a lot of money on a ring just to look flashy. Rings are pretty and thoughtful, but the real treasure is the love we have together.
I feel like a grown person who truly believes that the ring defines the relationship is a bit too immature to get married in the first place.
Yes. But only drug rings.
I don't want my boyfriend to spend an insane amount of money or get a HUGE diamond, but yes, I want a traditional diamond engagement ring. My boyfriend lives at home, has a job, and has almost no student debt, so he can certainly save up to get a fairly nice engagement ring. Hell, one of my friends just got married, her fiance works in fast food and was living on his own, and he was still able to save up and get her a diamond ring. It's not about being flashy or showing something off to your friends - in my opinion, my friend's now husband proved how much he wanted to spend his life with her. He didn't have a whole lot of money to spare, but he was still willing to part with a good chunk to get her a nice ring. If my boyfriend just wanted to buy me something cheap, I would feel like he didn't think I was worth the effort to save up for a while and get something nice.
I dunno, i havent met anyone who cared about the price. I know I don't care, long as they choose a ring that i would like. =) Which means they know me.
i'd rather my future fiancee spend his money on something useful (house, car, bills, school) rather than a shiny, sparkly, really old rock.
I believe that if your going to base your commitment on the size of the ring then your not getting married for the right reasons to begin with. It shouldn't matter what is on the ring but what is behind the ring. It's the promise that you are making to each other to love for life, through thick and thin. The diamond size won't save a marriage if there is no meaning behind it.
Depends. If a guy really, really loves you, but can't afford a diamond...that's fine. There are more important things in life. If he doesn't give you a nice ring because he's a cheap ass, then it reflects on how he sees you and maybe you're just not that important.
Does your friend have a cute sister with similar values?
To me someone who requires or needs a flashy or pricey engagement ring is just insecure and superficial. Neither of which are attractive qualities so they probably won't be getting said ring anytime soon.
A Bulgarian friend of mine whose family owns a diamond company actually agreed. He thought it was completely ridiculous the prices people would pay for, as he phrased it, "these stupid, shiny little rocks". When I asked him how he feels about taking over the company one day and him being the one selling these shin pebbles he replied with, "Look, a majority of the population are stupid. If they're stupid enough to play into the facade then that's their fault. I get rich and they think they're happy, no one loses. Of course that's until they get divorced a year later and he can't get the ring back."
I've always found it a bit ridiculous that men get a band and women get this exorbitantly flashy, glimmering diamond ring. Unfair much? But then again if we were to look at the actual value of a gold wedding band v.s. whatever the actual value of diamonds is (what they would be worth if the market was flooded), men's rings would actually be worth more.
I'm going to keep that idea that your friend has, two wedding bands with something meaningful engraved on it. If the woman I'm with has an issue with that then I'll at least know what kind of person she actually is and be able to move on.
Fuck diamonds, seriously. I'd rather the money went on our future - a house, the mortgage, a car, bills, our kids education, not some piece of rock that people probably died to make. They're known as blood diamonds for a reason, and I don't want one on my wedding or engagement rings.
I've met women like this and it's really kind of awful.
When my husband and I got engaged, he took me to pick out my ring because he didn't know what he was doing. I picked out a promise ring. It was smaller and didn't cost much money at all. For me, it wasn't about the diamond... I was just happy to be marrying the man of my dreams. My wedding band cost $80. Real diamonds, they are just tiny, as is the band.
I'm pregnant and we were about to buy a new house so spending a LOT of money on a piece of jewelry sounded like a waste of money. He says he's going to buy me a bigger, better ring and band for one of our future wedding anniversaries but I told him I don't even care. I love my rings but more importantly, I love my husband and the relationship we have. :)
@PrttyDdlyRvws@twitter - Yeah...he can buy me an engagement ring that's on the less expensive side (small diamond, plain band, etc) and we'd still be able to afford an apartment. Did you not read the story about my friend's husband who works in fast food, paid his own rent and utilities, and yet still managed to save up money to buy her an engagement ring? Yes, he had to save and sacrifice, but he did, because she meant that much to him. And interestingly enough, they're not homeless or struggling. My mom also has a diamond engagement ring - and wouldn't you know it, we all still live in a 5 bedroom, 2.5 bath house in a nice suburban neighborhood close to the shore and 2 major cities, AND we go on vacation once or twice every year! And it's not like her or my dad have outrageously high paying jobs - she's a teacher, my dad is in sales. I think it's hilarious that people are like, "OMG if you spend money on an engagement ring you'll never be able to afford a home, or a car, or anything everrrrrr!" Both my boyfriend and I will be working for the next 50 years or so, we're both college educated (in fact, I have a Master's degree) so I'm pretty sure that in the long run, we will earn enough money that the cost of an engagement ring is not going to be a big deal.
My engagement ring is actually a promise ring. It cost about 130 dollars, which is all we could afford when we were shopping for it. It has 3 little diamonds on it. It's pretty simple, which is how I like it. I don't see the point in spending a lot of money on a ring covered in diamonds. I don't think the ring defines the relationship, but I do enjoy how the rings make my fingers sparkle a little bit. I know he wants to get me a different ring, because he says I deserve a better one. I'm content with the one I have, though.
That wouldn't be me. If my guy spends more than $1k on a ring I will question his sanity. I'm more particular about how closely it matches my tastes. Knowledge about me and desire to really look for something special just for me impresses, money doesn't.
My dad's EX wife was one of those people I thought really cared about ring cost and he shelled out $10k for a nutsy woman who was sooo wrong for him and they were divorced 2 or so years later.
To me the ring isn't important, it's the symbol behind it.
I never got an engagement ring because I proposed to my husband. I got a wedding band for Christmas last year and it was simple, beautiful and said what it needed to say: "I'm married." I gave my husband his wedding band for Valentine's Day. We're happy with what we have.
Women who need a diamond to prove to them how much their man loves them are ridiculous and need to be hit upside the head.
@EJC102486@xanga - I hope your boyfriend sees this post and realizes that you're a gold digger so he can run like hell.
I love this post and I completely agree. I don't want a big diamond, they're ugly to me, all big and gotty (sp?). I love the silver band with a message idea. I'm a big fan of words, so this would be nice. :)
@BimmerPhile@xanga - My boyfriend is standing right next to me, actually. He just read your reply, and laughed his ass off, because the notion that I'm a gold digger is ridiculous. I am very educated and in fact, I'll probably make more money than him for a while. Also, he grew up fairly poor and has no family money to speak of. If I were a gold digger, I never would have considered dating him in the first place, let alone marrying him. But you know, I guess you wouldn't know that, cause that's what happens when you run your mouth about things you know nothing about. But actually, in one of my posts I did mention that I'm college educated and plan on working. Perhaps you simply can't read? Either way, I'm amused. :D
IF i get married, which I doubt will happen, I'll get a tattoo.
I guess I'll make him pay for it? But if we get married our bank accounts will be connected.....
He can help me design it though.
i want my wedding ring to be something decent i won't mind wearing for the rest of my life. do i want a huge flashy insanely expensive ring? no. do i want a nice looking ring with a little glamour? yes. a few hundred bucks should do it....people who spend thousands and thousands of dollars on engagement and wedding rings aren't wise (unless they have the disposable income...then go for it)
If I ever get a ring it better be inexpensive. I'd rather use the money for essentials.
I've known a few shallow people who think the ring defines the relationship or marriage. I have always maintained that I would prefer a small, simple band. Just something to tell the rest of the men in the world, "Hands off. I'm somebody else's."