This post was submitted anonymously.My boyfriend is a great guy and I love him a lot. He's very sweet, funny, and listens to me when I feel I need to talk to him about problems in my life. We've been together for almost a year and a half; much of that time has involved us living together. It took a while, but he's finally starting to help me out with keeping everything clean. I think things right now are going pretty well.
With one exception, that is.
When he and I first got together, I was about twenty five lbs lighter than I am now. I was a server at the time, running around for fourty hours a week, and couldn't gain weight if I tried. I ate very healthy, though, because that's my personal preference. He, however, hates almost all vegetables, and any meal without meat, in his opinion, is a waste of food. His work out regime is nonexistent. We're two different countries when it comes to food.
Now that I am back in school and working in a less frenzied environment, I do try working out and going to the gym, but his eating habits are having a stronger influence over me. He always asks me to bring home fast food and orders pizza, and rather than spending money or making two different meals, I just eat what he's having.
Now, though, I'm ready to lose the weight and go back to normal, and I'm trying so hard, but it feels like no matter what I do, he has fast food or pizza waiting on me when I get home. I don't know whether I should talk to him about me trying to lose weight, because he seems to get almost offended when I start working out regularly or changing my eating habits, like I'm trying to be better than him, which isn't it at all; if anything, I want to be as attractive to him as I was when we first got together.
What should I do?
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Talk to him. Tell him that it just makes you feel comfortable. As I read i'm guessing being healthy is who you are and it's who you were when you first met him. Honestly if he loves you he'll respect the fact that you want to be healthy. I'm pretty sure if you just express the importance of how your body feels he'll understand. You don't want to be over weight and miserable in a relationship with someone that met you when you felt fit, beautiful, and happy. It'll just worsen everything.
Good luck!
Well, maybe you should stop blaming him for the fact that YOU'RE eating the fast food, and lose the weight for your own health; not to attract him.
His attraction is not the problem, because he would've already left you for gaining those 25 lbs. If he doesn't like that you're trying to get healthy, then oh well, too bad for him.
I had a boyfriend like that once. I almost married him. It was as much my fault as his, but he definitely wasn't encouraging when I'd say I wanted to start working out and eating healthy again. You guys might have to eat separately, because in the end, it is your choice.
Just talk to him and tell him where you're coming from. Don't go in guns blazing with you placing all the blame on him. Bring it up when it seems appropriate (like when you're eating) and have an open discussion.
I guess it all depends on what 'eating healthy' means to you. If it means munching salads most of the time, maybe you're out of luck, but...
Can you make his favorites at home (pizza, burgers) using ingredients you consider good? At home pizza can have more veggies (at least on your half) and better cheese and meat on it, at-home burgers would have the meat you choose to buy, less fat, and spices instead of extra salt for flavoring. And there's no 'extras' that fast food places add--preservatives, stuff to make it 'easier to process' etc.
Not to even mention the options in burritos, tacos, etc...
Start slow, substituting 1-2 meals a week and go from there? I've heard you can teach people to like better food (though I don't think I've ever seen it).
Good luck!
Talk to him about it in depth once and then stick to your guns...and
make the effort to make another meal for yourself.You should let him try your food too, healthy food is way better than junk food any day and you might end up helping him be healthier in the long run.
Also if he's offended by you trying to eat healthier and be more active that could be a serious problem...you need to really discuss why he wouldn't be more supportive of you losing weight and being healthy -does he think you're trying to be better than him? If he does, why doesn't he change his habits too? Is he worried about other people being attracted to you so he'd rather you gain weight?
He should be supportive of you being healthy.
Well what you could try to do is tally up the costs of everything he buys and then show him at the end of the month. Or could go the grosser route and keep all the trash bags and show him the amount at the end of the month.
If he is actually getting offended by you working out and eating healthy then he needs to go. To me that sends across a message that he's insecure, he's stubborn, and he's controlling. Most of all it relays to me a message that he wants to keep you twenty five pounds heavier (or more) because he's insecure and can't handle other men looking at or hitting on you.
I'd talk to him and tell him how you feel. Also get his side of the story.
Speaking for myself, I think it's incredibly attractive when a women works out and eats healthy. It shows that she's trying her hardest to look her best for me. Plus I can be a bit of a health nut/workout freak sometimes so it's good to have someone that I can share that with. Although I'm like your boyfriend in the sense that I still can't stand vegetables. Oddly enough...most of the women I seem to date are vegetarians. But I digress.
I say stick with it, lose the weight, and feel better about yourself because that's what is important here.
just totally ignore his gross fast food (hard but not impossible) and fix your own seperate meals. Work out how you like to. If he bitches about you eating healthy, bitch right back!
and don't feel like you have to provide the meals for him 100% of the time. Sometimes sure. But not all the time...after all he's your boyfriend, not your husband.
some guys try to fatten up their women on purpose so others won't be attracted to them and to break down her confidence. crazy huh?! not saying he is doing that but ya gotta eat/ excercise for yourself and not let anyone stop you. =)
I think it's stupid how you're blaming your boyfriend. Just because he asks you to bring him fast food doesn't mean you have to eat it.
You can always try talking to him about it.
I always wonder what it is that makes people HATE vegetables. Were they spoiled with candy and chicken nuggets as children? I dunno. I've never had a problem with vegetables, and even enjoy eating salads.
I think it's kind of repulsive that your boyfriend not only has no concern about his own health, but has a problem with YOUR efforts to care for YOUR body. He's insecure and that's a problem. And if you two are still together years down the road, that means he better not complain about how you "let yourself go."
On the other hand though, he's not force-feeding you. You still hold responsibility for what goes in your stomach. First and foremost you need to live for yourself, instead of living for him; and that means eating healthy food that YOU want regardless of what he wants, as well as trying to lose the weight for YOU, not for HIM. He should be supportive of your efforts to be healthy, not jealous or resentful. Who knows what other things he might bitch and whine about in the future that you're doing to better yourself.
Um, yeah, okay. Blaming a guy for making YOU fat. Maybe you should blame... oh, I don't know, YOURSELF, for not having self control when deciding what YOU should eat. There are still ways to make yourself a healthy meal while he still has his fast food. Keep fresh bagged greens at home. Stock up on fruit for small snacks in between.
If he gets offended, that is HIS problem. You are trying to take care of you. If he doesn't want to feel like he's being belittled, maybe he needs to get HIS ass up and do something.
You can't blame someone else for your eating habits. If you don't want to eat crap food then simply DON'T EAT CRAP FOOD. If he honestly gets mad about you trying to get healthy then he's really not that great of a guy.
I have a pudgy tummy because I sit down with my comfort food. :-/
...I mean...it's my husband's fault. He is the one who forces me to stuff my face with delicious brownies. O.o o.O
Make what you want to eat, something healthy and tasty, and if he doesn't want to eat it, tell him to go pick up his own fast food.
You don't need to eat what he eats. It's your choice to be lazy/cheap and not make/have your own separate meal.
lol it's not HIS fault!!!!
I know. I have the SAME problem. My boyfriend loves to eat good food and he is just one of the lucky people who eat whatever he wants and never get fat. but sadly i am not one of them.
but i should just work out more and ask him to work out with me. :) and still eat GOOD DELICIOUS food
one of my relatives used to be buff and work out regularly but after he started dating this obese woman, he gradually got fat, too, because they dined out a lot. he didn't blame her but yeah, sometimes the habit of the other can become contagious...if you let it.
I don't think that I'd date someone with a steady habit of unhealthy eating. I splurge once in a while and don't dine out much, so the personal lifestyle difference, although not as bad as drugs for example lol isn't really something that I can stand. you eat how you desire and he does as he desires-so if you want to lose weight for whatever reason, yep, up to you and he should understand rather than get mad, which would be irrational if he doesn't want you to lose weight so that you'll be fat, too.
@KasumiCelesta@xanga - Actually, there is a very strange (very rare) eating disorder that can cause people to dislike vegetables among other foods. From the age of about 5ish onward, I was unable to eat fruits, vegetables, most meats, most foods with several flavors, etc. I basically lived on breads, dairy products, other bland-flavored carb-y foods, etc. It wasn't that I was a spoiled brat (I sure wasn't lol), it was an actual reaction from my body. My throat would close, or worse - it'd go down and then I'd vomit immediately after.
I'm 23 now (so nearly 20 years later). I can eat half of a banana once in awhile, but I can't do it often and I can't eat the whole thing or I'll vomit. I can drink fruit juices (even made naturally / by hand), but I cannot eat any other fruits. As for vegetables, I can eat potatoes and I LOVE potatoes almost no matter how they're made. I have spent the past 8 months focusing on trying to eat lettuce. The first two weeks, I vomited every time I ate it. It's gotten better in the past 8 months and I can now eat small amounts of it as long as there is some sort of dressing on it (I don't like ranch, I use a homemade recipe from Costa Rica). I can eat pork & chicken no matter how it's cooked, but I've never been able to eat any meat from a cow (steak & ground beef ugh I'm gagging thinking about it lol). I take it a little at a time and I always try new foods, although I watch out in restaurants so that I'm not throwing up in public :-\. It's an actual physical reaction from my body, not my own decision lol I'd REALLY love to be able to eat a variety of food (and it's embarrassing to go to a fancy restaurant and have to order a grilled cheese because you can't eat anything else on the menu).
Anyway, totally off topic I know...
@KasumiCelesta@xanga - For a lot of people, it's often the texture or the taste. For me, it's both, depending on the vegetable. I like a few vegetables (like carrots, I love carrots if they're raw) but a lot of vegetables are slimy to me and I can't keep them down or they're too bitter. I think they're finding a difference in genes that make certain taste buds more sensitive than others which causes the sensitivity to a certain taste and often it's to bitter tastes (I saw this on PBS a while ago). My parents forced me to eat my vegetables as a kid but now that I'm older I'm having to force myself to eat my recommended amount. Sometimes the same people did eat a lot of sweets as a child but it is often not the case.
And the turducken-donut-ice cream is making me fat. oh bugger! shall i not tell myself to eat healthier? nay. i shall write a blog.
You dont have to eat junk just because hes eating it
Your an adult you do have a choice as to what you eat
If he doesnt like it thats his problem
You putting on weight is YOUR fault. Not his. YOURS. Yes, he eats junk food, but he's not tying you down into a chair and forcing it into your mouth. You choose to eat it too. Your problem, not his.
Ugh. Okay, for everyone saying "It's YOUR fault, stop blaming your boyfriend, ect ect", let us realize that eating habits are very easily influenced by the people we eat with. It was probably easier for her to resist fast food when she didn't have to go into the fast food resturant, smell the food, buy it, and watch him eat it. I can guarantee you most people would start eating more fast food in this situation unless they actually don't like it. And she said he is BUYING her fast food, too, to eat when she gets home. And if she is being honest, when she tries to do otherwise, he gets annoyed. So yeah, I think it is pretty safe to say the boyfriend is making a large contribution to the weight gain.
I would talk to him. Tell him you don't want him buying you dinner anymore, that you don't want to go get him fast food. I like the one girl's suggestion of trying to convince him to eat healthier homemade alternatives so you both can eat together. If he isn't up for it, I would just make dinner time completely separate for you too. Also: Find a nearby healthier alternatives at the fast food places or better yet, a place near the fast food places. Like if the McD is near the Subway.
Maybe he likes his women with a little meat on their bones...sit back and enjoy the ride I say!