Friday, 28 October 2011

• Top 3 First Date Turnoffs

  

  In my experience, people are pretty normal and respectful on dates.  But I do understand that the idea of going on a date comes with some heavy connotations that make people do weird things.  There are all sorts of lists out there of what not to do on a first date, but these three party fouls are the ones I’ve seen that could have been easily averted if only the person had been given a clue. 

  
  1. Planning Poorly
  

  This goes primarily for the instigator of the date whether guy or girl.  If you do not take the time to at least plan your date, it will be over before it even begins.  A poor planner does any or all of the following:

   

  • arrives late (tardiness is the mother of all first date transgressions);

  • didn’t make restaurant reservations;

  • doesn’t know where the destination is (looking it up on GPS after you are lost is not okay).

  
  These are the main culprits, but any indication that you are winging the first date will put you in the negative on the brownie points scoreboard.  
  Afraid that your poor planning skills will destroy your date night?  Not to worry, just start with these date planning fundamentals.

  
  
  

  • Find a place or event where you want to take your date.  If tickets or reservations are required, make arrangements well in advance (like, as soon as you ask them out). 

  • Set the time when you will pick up or meet your date.  Then be on time.

  • Know where you are going.  Program your GPS or get directions before you leave the house.

  
  2. Inappropriate or Bad Appearance
  

  This faux pas covers a range of social misdemeanors from poor hygiene and unkempt appearance to downright inappropriate attire.  Guys and girls, this goes for both of you.  Unbrushed, unwashed, dirty, sloppy dates might as well not show up; the look is unsightly and the smell is abhorrent.  On the other extreme, smelling strongly of designer perfume or pre-date liquid courage will not endear you to your date.  Bathe and brush your teeth.  Please.  

  
  On the fashion side, gents should look sharp.  You may think that wrinkled flannel and jeans with rips say “I’m casual and cool,” but to your date they say, “I don’t do laundry or care enough about this date to dress like a grown up.”  Wear a pressed shirt, pressed pants, and nice shoes.  
  
  Ladies, cleavage shirts, cheek-peek minis, and fishnets on a first date are only fashionable if you shop at Hookers R Us.  You can still dress conservative and look attractive.  Bust out that knee-length dress or the dress slacks and three-quarter sleeve blouse.  
  
  3. Salary Updates
  

  OMG the fact that I even have to mention this makes me cringe with shame for the entire dating population.  Talking about how much money you make has got to be one of the tackiest conversation topics ever devised.  It is a superficial factor that is rarely indicative of personal value or worth.  Here’s just some of what happens when either party resorts to income bragging:

  • Guys who flaunt their salary figure assume that their date is only interested in money.  If you assume in that way, you make an ass out of you and only you.

  • Girls who flaunt their salary can intimidate their date and come off as adversarial rather than datable.  

  
  In both cases, bringing up how much bread you win makes you appear arrogant, shallow, self-important, and lacking in any other interesting conversation points.  
  
  

  What to do instead: avoid the topic of money like it’s the plague.  Instead, ask questions.  See what the other person is like and search for some common ground.  The conversation will prove more fruitful and rewarding for both people.  

  
  Guest post by Analise Marcus, an advocate for good dating behavior.  She recommends doing your best to make a good first impression, but sending a box of chocolates or a bouquet via a coupon code from proflowers.com as a follow up if you want a second chance.
  

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