Thursday, 27 October 2011
We fight so much then reconnect on a small level. Loving you is like walking through hell every night and moment of the day. You shut me out, walk over all my emotions ,and treat me like scum yet I go on loving you when I know change will never come. The tears force back as I pretend every blow to my fading heart just doesn't hurt. When I stare at myself in the mirror I see my happiness disperse with every cruel word.
You don't want me until you need me to save you from your misery. So many people are cold to you but I have held you and helped you through all the hard times only to have you laugh in my face like I am an utter disgrace of distaste. I hesitate yet stay anyway because I am too attached to learn we will never work. You won't ever be the man I fell for again because you were wearing a front to conceal the devil beneath that sly disguise, but I see through you as if staring through a translucent glass.
We are falling apart as the storm rages on. I beg you not to cut deeper however you always find more and more ways to. Why can't I escape you? I cling even when the burning becomes too much. My soul yearns to hate you yet my heart aches for you to love me the way I've always adored you. Those girls you lust after never care enough to pick you up when you're broken and beaten down but I do and all I get is the cold shoulder in return.
I want to ram my fist down your throat and wipe that wicked grin away but what good would it do other than satisfy my rage? But I'm above that so I will not hesitate. One day when I am gone you will see what the agony truly feels like. Keep playing games and the results will be the same. You run away from love because you're too scared to let anyone in. You're selfish and oblivious to your own lies. Nobody will love you the way I always have but if you want freedom then there's the door.
I will not stop you. What do I have left to lose because you have nearly crippled my feelings with your serpentine ways. You cannot murder my core anymore because it's empty from all the deceit. I believed in you and trusted you with my heart but look what I got... just more excuses and a whole lot of confusion. So say what you please because I do not care anymore. I'm Sick of trying. Just go. Let me go and free me from this all.
I will find a real man and not a piece of garbage who cannot even admit his mistakes. You have grown to disgust me. I hope I never lay eyes on you again because I do not need nor deserve this. You can have your skanks because you will not run home to me anymore just stay on your streets where you belong along with all of the baggage you brought me.