Wednesday, 26 October 2011

• There Must Be a Balance of Chase & Attention

  

  There needs to be a balance of chase and attention in a relationship. If that balance is ever struck out of whack (whether on purpose or inadvertently), the person getting the shit end of the stick is going to absolutely explode on their partner.

  I say that there needs to be a balance because I don’t want my readers thinking that I like my guy to lay his coat down over a puddle for me. No one wants someone who is always available or always mushy. But to never be available or say sweet nothings in my ear? Unacceptable, my friend.

  Creepy-Obsessed-With-You Guy: There are always going to be those guys who are so obnoxiously clingy that you feel claustrophobic from the start. Right before I moved to Italy to study abroad, I was dating a guy named Kyle who lived in Long Island. This guy was a real piece of work. He became immediately obsessed with me, and refused to accept that I would be living in another country soon.

  He called me 10x a day, texted me in between, and constantly wanted to know who I was with and what I was doing. After our second date, Kyle went out with his friends for his 21st birthday (that’s a big deal!). I didn’t want to go because I felt like we weren’t officially dating and if he wanted to hook up with someone or just hang with his friends he should be able to. Plus I knew he’d want to drink and there was a fat chance in hell that I was driving to and from Long Island at night for someone I had just met.

  Anyway, this crazy dude got drunk, got depressed, and talked to me on the phone the entire night outside the bar, whining about how he didn’t care that all of his friends were there – he just wanted me – blah blah blah.

  I ended things with him a few dates later. His whining and clingyness proved just too much for me to handle and I just couldn’t bring myself to respect him.

  And in the opposing corner of the ring, I’m-Going-To-Pretend-My-Girlfriend-Is-Dead Guy: I was once talking to a guy who out-and-out refused to see me. Sometimes he made excuses. Sometimes he had other plans. And sometimes he had no excuse or plan besides maybe staring at his wall and smoking a cigarette – but still, made zero effort to see me. He didn’t know it at the time (or maybe he did, since I’m not the quietest person), but that kind of relationship will never ever last with me. Perhaps there’s a girl out there who has no need to see her boyfriend. Yeah, go find that chick and have a good time (separately, of course).

  I, on the other hand, need a balance of wanting to see a boyfriend and feeling wanted by a boyfriend. I just can’t have one or the other. Because, even though I am queen of loving people chasing me (and perhaps equally loving doing the chasing), I know when to show the guy that I’ll slow down and let him catch me sometimes. And I know when to cut my losses because I’m constantly out of breath from running after someone I thought was worth it…

  Just remember, if you’re not worth their time, then they’re not worth anything at all. Move on to someone who makes you feel like you have a boyfriend when you have a boyfriend.

  See more at www.JenAndMen.com :)

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