Tuesday, 25 October 2011

• I Pretend They Died

  
  People disappear all the time. I don't mean Amber-alert, face-on-the-milk-carton kind of disappearance, though. You can have an amazing time with a guy, and then never hear from him again, and never know why. On Sex and the City, Miranda once explained how she copes when a man disappears after a great first date, summed up by the title of this post. I don't necessarily do that, since it's a little morbid, but I don't wonder any longer why they vanished. There's no point. Just take whatever good memories you have of the date or dates and learn not to invest yourself in someone too soon.

  Some of the nicest (or so they seemed) guys have inexplicably stopped talking to me. There was the one who I stayed out with until 7 am, stargazing and getting breakfast at a diner and talking all night. He told me I was beautiful and sweet and made plans for another date two days later. When I texted him to make sure we were still going, I never got a response. It's obvious that Miranda dated in a world with less impressive technology, because I know for a fact he read that text, and another one a while later asking for an explanation - the "delivered" function that works when both people have a Blackberry. Corpses don't check their messages.
  

  There was another that stands out in my memory, the last guy of my pre-Mets life. We walked around the city talking and laughing, had a few drinks, and held hands on the cab ride home. As he got in his car, he told me he'd let me know when he got home, because "that's just what I do." My mind registered, "boyfriend material." But I didn't hear from him until the next day, when he oddly decided to text me, but then not respond when I answered him. Maybe I could assume he got in his car in between those two texts and crashed into a median or something, except I creeped on his non-private Facebook, and he's alive and well and living in California now.

  When a date is noticeably terrible or even only just mediocre, it's not a big surprise to never hear from the guy again, or to get ignored when you decide to make the move. But when you clicked, and parted with the promise of another date - and always deep down somewhere, the potential of a relationship - what's the healthy thing to do? I guess pretending they died is fine, although I just choose to think of their flaws, assume I dodged some kind of bullet, and find someone new so that I don't dwell. It seems to work - I stopped giving a rat's ass about the stargazer and the Californian almost immediately.
  

  I say, "All men are crazy" fairly often. I've had weird things done to me by plenty of them. And I consequently get suspicious when I don't get a response for a while, which happens with Jingle sometimes. I try not to get worked up and make assumptions, but it's hard not to when you go by past experience. I honestly sigh in relief sometimes when a guy I like finally answers. I can understand and maybe even appreciate that they chicken out and don't tell me that they don't want to see me again. Who wants to hear that outright? But it sucks either way. I want to get excited about someone and not have to worry about his intentions, but unfortunately dating is much more complicated than that, and sometimes I wish Verizon and social networking sites would just let me pretend they died.

  Have you ever had similar experiences?
  

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